Dilemma

[aj]

Posted here because it's not SA any more.

What's going on? This is getting stupid now. This is what everything's come to.

There are two girls, and I've talked about both on this forum. The first is the person who I can talk to the most and that's because she's been so nice to me. She appears to kind of understand the difficulty I have with people. She's single, she wants somebody and this weekend (if it ever happens, it's been going on for weeks) we might be doing something together, looking at something more, possibly, slowly. But we're opposites and she's very full on. She likes (slightly) older men, yet for some reason she says that she might me interested in me if we get to know each other.

In the nicest possible way though I don't feel like 'that' about her... mainly because I don't know how we'd get on (ie. generally what we like), also because she's now the only sort-of friend that I've got and I don't want to mess that up. But, if we did go out this weekend and actually get to talk to each other, who knows what I'll start to feel.

Then there's the second, who I've been talking about recently. She's sweet, she has buckets of confidence like most people do but she can also be really quite quiet. She's not been having a great time recently with feeling crap and an idiot sort-of-ex-boyfriend - who I didn't know about, but she has now got completely rid of, to her delight... because she's just posted it on Facebook, minutes ago. I feel for her about that and I'm glad she's shot of him.

I have not told her about how I feel and I have not asked her out in any serious way. I have only asked her in a pathetic, half-arsed way over the internet. If I did those things (face to face, but I don't know how with SA), and she said no, I would not pester her. And she probably isn't even looking for anyone after what's happened. I don't know where I am with her and she's leaving where we work for good in about two weeks time. Although I feel like I'd almost die, I'd take her out for dinner if she wanted. I have felt like this about someone before, and I never took a chance.

All this is with SA and no idea how I could have a relationship with anyone. Or if I'm even ready for it. But the last year was a fluke, I've been incredibly lucky getting to know these people, I have the chance in front of me, and I may never get another one.

The 'love shyness' book shack posted makes me wonder if any of my feelings are real. Maybe this is all just nothing.

I don't want to hurt the first, and she is starting to think that I fancy her. And I don't know if I do. It'll be fine if I don't take it any further and make it clear that I just want to be friends, because nothing's happened yet. I'm not going to be anything but honest with her, I just don't know what I want to do.

Help.

 

[phuonganh]

Hmmm, this is difficult since you don't seem to know what you want. From your post, I guess you are more into the second girl as you mentioned you have tried to ask her out. In that case, maybe you should give her a card, saying how much you enjoy working with her etc. and at the end ask if she'd like to have dinner with you. Don't be afraid of being rejected. It is still better than regretting that you never asked her out.

As for the first girl, if I were you, I would not jeopardize the friendship if I wasn't sure about my feelings.

 

[aj]

Thank you. I still have to think about what I want to do but that's going to help me make my mind up :?

 

[aj]

Turns out she's not leaving for the minute, but she's off until next Monday. Over the weekend we talked over Facebook, and by my standards it was a great conversation. Probably a bit crap for her but then again she kept talking to me so that's something.

My mind may have been made up for me... the first girl has decided to stop talking to me. For a couple of weeks we had our breaks at the same times and she was happy about it, then last week she suddenly stopped being there. When I finally got an answer over the internet she was all happy happy and said that she does want to talk to me... but she won't talk to me. Maybe something's wrong, you say. Well she said she's been stressed. But when I see her in the morning she's always talking on the phone and/or with other people. If she's on her own she's always on the phone. But not even a text message for me. How much time and money does a text message take? I feel like I've been 'dumped' as a friend actually.

No hints as to why at all. Last Monday she said she'd love to do something at the weekend and that's where it stopped. People are just weird.

I do hope she starts talking to me again because she was the closest thing I had to a best friend and she was so nice. I can't do anything if she won't answer me :roll:

So simultaneously a new high and a new low. FFS.

 

[aj]

It's all over, I mentioned that I wanted to ask her out in my next message, but she's more not single than single. This hurts doesn't it.

 

[Jura]

Which one, the first one or the second one?

 

[aj]

The second. But there's nothing I can do is there, other than move on.

The first is kind of talking to me again. But she says (over the internet) that she's not talking to me much because she likes me. Now she is certainly not shy so to be honest it feels like she's taking the p. We've been going to do something at the weekend as friends for weeks now and it's still not happened. I try to get something going and she says she'd love to, but when it gets to actually sorting something out she stops replying. What do you think?

Edit: Oh, so the first girl is going. She's just this second invited everyone to her leaving do on Facebook. Just to finish it off, it's Friday 29th August, the day before my birthday. Hmm.

Edit 2: Her last day was today apparently. Damn. It's "another potential friend gone - part 2".