Difficult Situation...

[singing-love]

So, I have a younger brother and from a very young age I've cared for him like I would my own child. As a result we are very close and he confides in me, I'm the first person he comes to with his problems and the first person he asks for advice. We've been close for as long as I can remember, I taught him to read and make his lunches, whatever he wanted I did my best as his sister to provide it. He is so important to me and I have spent my life protecting him from the abuse within our own home. I was lucky that I did manage this, he was never directly abused and I took the blame for so many things for him so that he could be spared. I wouldn't change a thing, I would happily take anything for that boy.

However, lately things are changing. We're older now (he's 15 to my 17) and sometimes I just don't have the answers anymore. My brother is becoming very dishonest and things are going downhill quickly. My brother has been self harming and it's been happening for a while now. I've known for over six months now, I've hidden it from our father (not hard because it's just the three of us and he works a lot), I cleaned the wounds everytime and talked with him about what's been going on to cause it. It breaks my heart to see this, we didn't have an easy childhood and I fought to keep him from at least the physical violence and I did that, I kept him away from what happened as best I could. But now he's hurting himself and I can't fix that, I'm not a doctor nor am I a counsellor. So I did the only thing I could and told my family, I took him to counsellors and helped when no one else wanted to step up.

Lately he just lies, about absolutely everything and after discussing this issue with a professional she believes that being surrounded by a lifetime of drama, even though it was never directed at him has become "normal" for him. Drama has become like a need because it's what he knows best. I did something I am not proud of which brought me to this thread. He's still hurting himself and again only I know. But with all the lies I don't know what's going on so I looked at his phone. I was shocked to find a string of girls he was "dating" but if that isn't bad enough he told one that he had a weak form of cancer (which is not something to lie about). I know I shouldn't have looked in his phone, it was wrong of me. But, now I don't know what to do with the information I posses.... I feel it needs to be addressed but I don't know how and honestly I'm worried. What's happened to get to this point? I don't know what to do.

 

[jc972]

It sounds like you really love him a lot. You sound like more like his mother than his sister and that's cool, but you have to be in pain from what he's doing to himself. I'm sorry that both of you are going through this. I don't know what your next step should be. I'm sorry. That's heartbreaking to know that that's going on for y'all. It sounds like you really try to be good to him. I hope he gets the help he needs to overcome this. I reckon just keep on encouraging him and trying to stay positive.

 

[singing-love]

It sounds like you really love him a lot. You sound like more like his mother than his sister and that's cool, but you have to be in pain from what he's doing to himself. I'm sorry that both of you are going through this. I don't know what your next step should be. I'm sorry. That's heartbreaking to know that that's going on for y'all. It sounds like you really try to be good to him. I hope he gets the help he needs to overcome this. I reckon just keep on encouraging him and trying to stay positive.

I do love him, I've spent his whole life protecting him and raising him so he's one of the most important people to me. Our mum loves him, there's never been any doubt of that, unfortunately she doesn't love me, but oh well. Sounding like his mother is pretty accurate, he actually called me mum for a little while when we were younger until he realized I wasn't. The last few years have been had on him, my mum kicked me out five years ago an he hasn't had me to take the fall for him, so he moved in with dad and I about eight months ago. Dad's great but super busy, so I play "wife" and "mother". Interesting roles for someone my age, but I wouldn't change it. I just hope I can figure this out with him before it's too late.

 

[jc972]

I do love him, I've spent his whole life protecting him and raising him so he's one of the most important people to me. Our mum loves him, there's never been any doubt of that, unfortunately she doesn't love me, but oh well. Sounding like his mother is pretty accurate, he actually called me mum for a little while when we were younger until he realized I wasn't. The last few years have been had on him, my mum kicked me out five years ago an he hasn't had me to take the fall for him, so he moved in with dad and I about eight months ago. Dad's great but super busy, so I play "wife" and "mother". Interesting roles for someone my age, but I wouldn't change it. I just hope I can figure this out with him before it's too late.

Does your dad know? Maybe he can talk to him and help resolve this. How old are you? 17? This is a lot for a young girl to have to deal with. Hell, it'd be a lot for an old person to deal with. You sound like a really good person and I'm sure you'll figure out what to do about the situation. There's a lot of people here that can give better advice than I can but my hat's off to you ma'am, for the good job you're doing. Everybody needs supportive siblings like you.

 

[TreeBones]

Trust me it should be addressed.
My little sister has this weird sexual fetish and she's still only 12, she gets bullied a lot and talks about suicide, I had to find out through my other little sister, it was on youtube and she was cutting.
I felt uncomfortable telling my parents because I didnt want to hurt or embarrass my sibling, but she needed help I couldn't give and I figured I needed to stop worrying and let my parents do the parenting for once. She's in therapy and working things out.
I think your brother could really use therapy too, I know not all therapists are great but you need to find the right one, it might take a couple tries, that's all but you'll be happy you told your parents later.

 

[singing-love]

Does your dad know? Maybe he can talk to him and help resolve this. How old are you? 17? This is a lot for a young girl to have to deal with. Hell, it'd be a lot for an old person to deal with. You sound like a really good person and I'm sure you'll figure out what to do about the situation. There's a lot of people here that can give better advice than I can but my hat's off to you ma'am, for the good job you're doing. Everybody needs supportive siblings like you.

Yes my father knows, as does my mum and step dad, however this has been left to me to deal with so I will do my best to get him through it. Yes I'm 17, juggling a job, volunteering, HSC, four extra classes, a college course and a household. Can be a bit challenging at sometimes but that's life . All I can do is give it my best shot and hope to god that it's enough.

 

[singing-love]

Trust me it should be addressed.
My little sister has this weird sexual fetish and she's still only 12, she gets bullied a lot and talks about suicide, I had to find out through my other little sister, it was on youtube and she was cutting.
I felt uncomfortable telling my parents because I didnt want to hurt or embarrass my sibling, but she needed help I couldn't give and I figured I needed to stop worrying and let my parents do the parenting for once. She's in therapy and working things out.
I think your brother could really use therapy too, I know not all therapists are great but you need to find the right one, it might take a couple tries, that's all but you'll be happy you told your parents later.

Everyone knows about the cutting, it's my job to take him to therapy and sit with him through this. I'm concerned about the lying to these girls, especially the made up cancer thing, it's not good. I don't know how to bring it up with him though.

 

[TreeBones]

I couldn't tell you what you should do...
I'm a bit more strict with my little sisters, if they did something bad I want them to know.
But I could be wrong.

 

[singing-love]

I'm strict when I have to be, perhaps this is one of those times.

 

[TreeBones]

Perhaps.
You seem like a concerned and loving sibling.
Your brother is lucky and things will work out, I'm sure.

 

[MikeyC]

Your brother faking cancer to get pity (sex) from women is low.

You have to tell him what you saw. He can't get away with it because if he does he will continue to do it to scores of women. I'm sure you don't want that.

You love him and he seems to love you. If you two have a very good relationship then you have to use the bond you've created to ask the difficult questions. I'm sure he'd rather you ask than someone else. If he asks how you know about the cancer lies, tell him the truth. It's best to nip this in the bud now.

From what I know of you, you've had a pretty shitty upbringing, and you've done what you can to shield him from the worst of it - at your own expense, sadly - but he is becoming an adult now. You can't shield him forever. However, you can still guide him in the right direction, and tell him what he's doing is wrong. That's the best you can do.

 

[singing-love]

Your brother faking cancer to get pity (sex) from women is low.

You have to tell him what you saw. He can't get away with it because if he does he will continue to do it to scores of women. I'm sure you don't want that.

You love him and he seems to love you. If you two have a very good relationship then you have to use the bond you've created to ask the difficult questions. I'm sure he'd rather you ask than someone else. If he asks how you know about the cancer lies, tell him the truth. It's best to nip this in the bud now.

From what I know of you, you've had a pretty shitty upbringing, and you've done what you can to shield him from the worst of it - at your own expense, sadly - but he is becoming an adult now. You can't shield him forever. However, you can still guide him in the right direction, and tell him what he's doing is wrong. That's the best you can do.

Yes, it's definitely not something I will encourage or tolerate. I raised him right and it's about time he stepped up and took some responsibility, after all I won't always be around to help him. I will just have to have a talk with him and get him to do what's right, these games aren't healthy for either parties. Where are the adults when you need them ? It's just me though, gotta do what's right.

 

[MikeyC]

Yes, it's definitely not something I will encourage or tolerate. I raised him right and it's about time he stepped up and took some responsibility, after all I won't always be around to help him. I will just have to have a talk with him and get him to do what's right, these games aren't healthy for either parties. Where are the adults when you need them ? It's just me though, gotta do what's right.

You raised him right but he was still influenced by the drama around him, so I would say his therapist is right.

Where are the adults? You are the adult! :bigsmile:

Hopefully the talk goes the way you want it to. Let us know how it turns out.

 

[singing-love]

You raised him right but he was still influenced by the drama around him, so I would say his therapist is right.



Where are the adults? You are the adult! :bigsmile:



Hopefully the talk goes the way you want it to. Let us know how it turns out.

Yes I'd say the therapist is right to, unfortunately I couldn't protect him well enough.

Me! The adult?! I'm net even legally an adult yet. But someone has to do it, I've been doing okay as the adult so far.