Did I do the right thing re:friend or was I childish?

[LightChaser]

Hi, I am new here ... thought if I vent it would help me a bit. I've been diagnosed with SA and depression about 10 years back. I feel like I just lost my one and only friend due to my (maybe) childish behaviour but I'd like a different perspective on the situation. Thanks!


Though this isn't a major issue, it is cause for my anxiety and panic attacks to flare up, so here it is:

I have known this guy, a friend of mine, for quite some time. After he moved to another state, he became very narcissistic and bragged a lot to me about what he did over the weekends or whatever...

Like he was just saying anything he could to irritate me because he knows my situation in that I don't have the money to do a lot of the stuff he does, I just have an average job, average life.

Well on my birthday, he didn't text me with 'happy birthday' (I didn't expect him to) but instead he said he was very busy over the weekend (so what's new, I thought...so was I with the kids) and I didn't respond. He quickly sent another text with this:

"I Ran in a 5K race, bent rebar with my neck, went house hunting, did some archery, etc"

I just replied with a smiley face.

Normally my answer, if it were anyone else would be, "good for you" or "sounds like you had fun" but with him, each weekend it's either he tells me he went skydiving, spelunking, mountain biking 25 miles and he's seriously told me these things. (the list is endless, seriously).

I don't lead a boring life, just 'average' and mainly due to my financial situation and of course SA and my depression is a real thorn in my side, but I grew increasingly irritated with him because he knows my situation but he continues to brag or whatever, I get infuriated because at times he sounds condescending, etc., so I blocked him from future texts, etc.

Was this mean & childish of me?

I should add that he's in a serious relationship but while visiting home, he didn't hesitate to call me to tell me where he's staying 'for a hookup, I DID NOT oblige. When he moved he was depressed and I was there for him for a shoulder to cry on, then when he joined about 5 or 6 meetup groups and started doing stuff, he didn't hesitate to tell me all about HIS weekend, or I did this or I did that...all the meanwhile never even asking a simple, "how are you" to me. I admit I peered at his FB page and he has a pretty girlfriend now, their going to move in together, etc. I also learned about some lies he told me when in the past and I learned that he had a girlfriend when he wanted us to hook up and I said no.

I don't know why I had let him get to me like that, my panic attacks and depression would flare up, my self esteem is low as it is, but it's hard to describe, I just get so mad with him.

 

[Lavinialuna]

I don't think it was childish at all. You are better off without him. Sounds like half of what he says is a lie anyway, but even if it wasn't, who needs a friend who thinks so much of themselves that they are all they can talk about? Besides, cheaters are liars.
I personally set the bar pretty high when it comes to my friends, it's just too painful with social phobia to have someone let you down time and time again. I hate people who are fake or need to try to impress others with their amazing feats- probably masking their own self esteem or stroking their own ego.
Better friends will come along

 

[Supernova]

Trust me you are better off without him, I am going through something similar, this online "friend" has been diagnosed with narcissism and other personality disorders but I have put up with it for a long time, so he thinks we are good friends. He just uses me for favours a lot of the time, he doesn't do exotic things like your friend but has to tell me all about his days in minute detail by email whilst virtually never asking about me. I criticized his long emails recently and he goes on about how I need to phone him more (doesn't care about my social anxiety,) He is so condescending, he capaliizes words all the time (to like shout) and if I did something wrong he will try and either rub it in or be superior. He said something I was talking about was boring (only 3 lines in an email) whilst trying to make some point which I don't know what is was, since I went through my last email to him and didn't say anything about him being boring only about email length. I haven't emailed him since, though I can't cut off all contact since I'm looking after something of his. Theres loads more, but you get the idea!

It sounds like he will be fine without you so don't feel bad about cutting him out of your life.

 

[zraktor]

It's hard to forget him when he's the only friend you've got. It gets lonely when they go.

Maybe get another one. Or keep him as friend. And use him as a partner to do stuff that he brags like archery hiking etc. Archery sounds fun.

 

[LightChaser]

I don't think it was childish at all. You are better off without him. Sounds like half of what he says is a lie anyway, but even if it wasn't, who needs a friend who thinks so much of themselves that they are all they can talk about? Besides, cheaters are liars.
I personally set the bar pretty high when it comes to my friends, it's just too painful with social phobia to have someone let you down time and time again. I hate people who are fake or need to try to impress others with their amazing feats- probably masking their own self esteem or stroking their own ego.
Better friends will come along

Thanks Lavinialuna, I think even without SA it would be hard to have a friend or alleged friend let you down over and over again. I don't like fakes either. He is an adrenaline junkie but I don't know half of what he said is true or not. But I am more accepting of my decision to block him and hearing from you guys is more reassuring that what I did wasn't childish. Thanks!

 

[LightChaser]

It's hard to forget him when he's the only friend you've got. It gets lonely when they go.

Maybe get another one. Or keep him as friend. And use him as a partner to do stuff that he brags like archery hiking etc. Archery sounds fun.

Thanks for replying zratkor it would be hard to 'just keep him around' to use as an adventure partner..he lives far away. But I could do things on my own and find good friends through meet up groups or other things. We became friends because of our similar interests, I like hiking, archery, camping, running, etc. but when a friendship is more one sided, and all he did was brag-whether its on Fb, texting, etc. it just gets old.

 

[LightChaser]

Trust me you are better off without him, I am going through something similar, this online "friend" has been diagnosed with narcissism and other personality disorders but I have put up with it for a long time, so he thinks we are good friends. He just uses me for favours a lot of the time, he doesn't do exotic things like your friend but has to tell me all about his days in minute detail by email whilst virtually never asking about me. I criticized his long emails recently and he goes on about how I need to phone him more (doesn't care about my social anxiety,) He is so condescending, he capaliizes words all the time (to like shout) and if I did something wrong he will try and either rub it in or be superior. He said something I was talking about was boring (only 3 lines in an email) whilst trying to make some point which I don't know what is was, since I went through my last email to him and didn't say anything about him being boring only about email length. I haven't emailed him since, though I can't cut off all contact since I'm looking after something of his. Theres loads more, but you get the idea!

It sounds like he will be fine without you so don't feel bad about cutting him out of your life.

Thank you, supernova for your input. I'm sorry to hear your are going through similar things with your friend. It's hard to actually cut someone out of your life especially when one has SA, or the like, but it was for the best and yours and others replies helped me sort through my guilty feelings that what I did was for my own best interest.

I know it wasn't a healthy friendship when he would only talk about how he did this, or did that, and then on top of it, wanting me to hook up with him all the while having a girlfriend. I wasn't really a 'friend' in his eyes...just someone to brag to.

Best of luck to you and your situation