did being the good guy/ girl ever brought you anything?

[Kiwong]

Being angry at the world and bitter towards people can contribute to this illness. I've been like this and it has reallt effected my health. I know trying to be a good guy is better for my soul and the most important thing it brings into my life is some I peace, and I need that desperately right now. Anger only escalates conflict in yourself and others. The pragamtic approach is to go easier on yourself and others. It makes life more bareable.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

So I'm thinking about some changes I want to bring in my life, i realized that always thinking negative didn't always workout well.

But now I'm thinking about being the good guy, the one who always help out. what did i ever gain from this? Sure I can't see myself turning into an jerk in a second but I'm considering some modification because it never brought me anything at all

Being a "good guy" has brought me the knowledge that I have behaved like a decent human being to other people. Most of the time that decency is reciprocated. Occasionally it isn't. My guess is that acting like a jerk would not have given me any better results, and would have made me a lot less comfortable with myself and my own behaviour.

 

[Lostinthemusic]

I try to always be as nice as possible. I much prefer to be the nice, really shy guy than the creeper sitting by himself. I've had experience with both. Girls usually would much prefer you to be nice. I get along much better with girls and gay guys, so long as there is no chance of intimacy. With guys it can be tricky, I never do well with Bro types...I can't hide hostility well, but I don't ever act on it, which makes it worse sometimes.

Over all its very worth it. Being nice makes me feel better about myself.

 

[Kiwong]

The only thing is that things aren't so black and white. It's not just a choice between being "the good guy" or being a prick: there's a ton of grey area. It's hard to say what exactly makes someone a pushover or a doormat, but like Potter Stewart said, "I know it when I see it".

There's ZERO advantage to being a doormat. No one respects a doormat.

For me the distinction is clear. It's about being helpful and acting in good faith. It is also about being assertive and outspoken about the things that matter to you. Of not being afraid to say no. It is about becoming more relaxed and open.

There is zero advantage in talking platitudes or acting in a desperate attempt to please people. That is being self serving, it isn't being a 'good guy'

 

[AGR]

I will tell you something,I dont know if I am a nice guy or not,thats up to people who know me to tell,what I know is that I detest cheating,lying,backstabbing and people who like this or support this,I try my best to not get involved with those people,if I do have to be around these people I will only show parts of my personality,I dont want something in exchange,it is just the way I AM,I want respect yes, everybody wants,yes I got **** on and there was a time I started to be a jerk and people respected me more,but I went way out of my area and ended up worse.

Friends are hard for me,I look for kind people which are hard to come by,I dont like insulting as a past time, they just laugh at me and my views because to most guys being stupid and having a lot of girls is important,girlfriends the same way,with my personality it is hard to get one ,they just laugh at me,my views,they like the forbidden or want to go on a Roller Coaster,exactly the contrary of what I am.

 

[Kiwong]

The things I bolded/underlined are just vague notions IMHO; too vague to be really useful in practice (but necessarily so, I guess, since their intended effect is very, very situational). For example, "being helpful and acting in good faith" doesn't mean you don't come across as a doormat to others, especially if you're the type of person who is always "helpful". Also, "being assertive and outspoken" can obviously be construed in a very negative way by others, even if your intentions and motives are pure/true.

I think it's just really difficult walking that fine line between being a "good guy" vs being a jerk vs being a pushover, especially since there are plenty of people out there that will test your character and the limits of what they can get out of you the minute they perceive you as "nice". It's hard to weed those kinds of people out; it's not always immediately apparent who the other "nice" people in this world are.

They aren't vague notions to me, I put them into practice, and they are working for me too. Sp what if people think being assertive is negative, it is unlikely these are people are important. If they are trying to take advantage then it is goodbye from me. Worrying about how you come across is just anxiety speaking. Most people are reasonable in this world.