Depression.. I don't know.

[RedRibbons]

today I left work, because I was crying. I was having trouble listening to my boss, relaxing, understanding what I had to do.. I felt overwhelmed and confused and didn't know what to do.

I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid, and that I am being given the most work between me and the other person who holds the same job title at my workplace.

My boss got frustrated with me and was starting to be rude. Telling me I never listen to her and if not that.. Then I argue with her. This is NOT true. I was consciously making an effort to not disagree with her this time. So she said that and then walked away and said "come on, let's go look at these pictures". I couldn't move, I didn't want to move, or go with her.

I feel very dis-satisfied in my job. Bored. Uninspired. Misunderstood. Anxious. Unmotivated. I just don't want to go back there, and face that shit. I feel like crap.

So I decided to talk to HER boss.. And tell her that I was feeling depressed. And as soon as she said to take some days off and seek help... I still felt shitty and depressed, but then, when I was walking home, I started to feel like.. the whole thing was an act.. And that I really don't feel depressed at all. And it's just an excuse to get out of working.

I don't feel any relief from having this time off. And still think about work. And don't know how to fix my problem... I don't know what to do, to make myself feel better... I don't even know what's fully wrong with me. I feel like.. because I am not bawling my eyes out right this moment.. I'm not really depressed. I feel indifferent.

This is random. Any thoughts... Suggestions??

 

[Argamemnon]

Maybe it's a temporary dip. You might also ask yourself if you really like your job.

 

[RedRibbons]

I don't like my job, and I get dips all the time. I'll be fine and happy and content and 'okay' with everything, and then slowly but surely my moods change, and I become anxious and restless and have this urge to get away from everything.. and feel overall crappy and sad and all my problems become this gigantic weight on my shoulders. Lately I've been closer to the breaking point.. and feel like I'm being pushed there..

why does it take so long to heal, mentally?

I think I'm gonna look into reiki.

 

[Doomed2Die]

Depression you mean? I think it just goes one way or another over time. Eh, I feel terrible at the moment, but I know the feeling, the whole "is it a excuse " line of thinking usually makes things worse. You need to balance what really is important with current mindset and mental health.

I only wish I could follow the same advice, haha.

And reiki... interesting stuff that is, I'll recommend something else, but your call of course.

 

[Danfalc]

This is random. Any thoughts... Suggestions

I dont know where to start really erm... you said that you don't feel any relief from having time off.I think thats maybe because you know your going to have to go back eventualy maybe? I mean god a job can be so stressfull for people without problems like ours :?

From what youve said about feeling overwhelmed and confused,crying and just feeling fed up in general really sounds like your not at all happy at all at work,but not only that i think the stress is aggrivating your depression and anxiety.Because stress does really weird things when your under too much of it and i really think thats whats going on here from what youve said.I wouldnt make any rash decisions and suddenly quit,but deffo think it would be worth you looking for anther job maybe.

You asked why does it take so long to heal mentally, i really dunno lol... but i think if your job is adding to your problems rather than helping your deffo gonna feel crappy.No jobs perfect but yeah id seriously consider looking for somthing else if its making you feel this low.

 

[RedRibbons]

Depression you mean? I think it just goes one way or another over time. Eh, I feel terrible at the moment, but I know the feeling, the whole "is it a excuse " line of thinking usually makes things worse. You need to balance what really is important with current mindset and mental health.

I only wish I could follow the same advice, haha.

And reiki... interesting stuff that is, I'll recommend something else, but your call of course.

what do you recommend?

And yea. I am gonna look for a new job. I just... looking for a new job is a whole different kind of stress. heh.

 

[Danfalc]

And yea. I am gonna look for a new job. I just... looking for a new job is a whole different kind of stress. heh.

Yeah i know that was the blatantly obvious thing to kinda recomend :? and had obviously probaly already crossed ya mind.And yeah i can imagine it would be stressfull... but hopefully after you went through the stress of chaning over it would be worth it in the long run.

 

[Doomed2Die]

what do you recommend?

Well, Reiki is deeply religious/spiritual but I suppose you mean in general health.

http://www.watchtower.org/e/19980322/article_04.htm

Yes, I know it's partly religious but it has alot of valid advice that is unbaised in any way or form. Besides anything I could possibly say is there.

6 Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let YOUR petitions be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus. Philippians NWT.

That is my suggestion. Call it preaching even, hah! (though admittedly I do not expect anyone to listen, due to prejustices and so on).

 

[wooaah]

I agree with what the others are saying. You pretty much analyzed it all the way yourself. It seems like its not depression, just a dislike for your job, and disrespect for your boss. Its really really hard to work for someone you think is incompetent.

The bright side is, your boss seems not to be a mean person. And your current job, while kinda "bleh.." doesn't sound like hell. So it seems like you can take your time, look for something that does inspire you and make the switch when the time is right.

and... i think being dissatisfied with your job is actually a sign of motivation... you want something better for yourself. go get it!!

 

[Lewis]

... I still felt shitty and depressed, but then, when I was walking home, I started to feel like.. the whole thing was an act.. And that I really don't feel depressed at all. And it's just an excuse to get out of working.

I relate to this a lot. When I'm on my own I generally feel fine. I know exactly who I am and what I think....it's only when I'm around people that my brain turns to mush and I start to get terrified feelings like needing to run away and hide from the world.

so it may have felt like an act on reflection, but if you're anything like me, then it definitely wasn't.

as for advice, maybe you could try and get a job where you're not around people so much? i.e. for me I work in a supermarket at the moment but basically everyday all the weakest parts of my character are higlighted which doesn't do much for my self esteem....so I'm thinking of changing career and becoming a truck driver where I spend most of my time alone.