Depression Creeping Back In...

[BlueWeepingRose]

My depression has came back into my life: I suffer with bi polar disorder along with PTSD, right now I'm starting to lose hope. I avoid trying to make friends cause I'm always afraid people will leave me in the end. Have a few friends online but a lot of them are dropping like flies and won't talk to me as much anymore.... now I'm starting to think this will be my life forever. That I'll always be alone and have no friends. I've been going to the movies alone: I see movies by myself. No friends in town, I've lived in Florida since 2003 and not many people know me. The friends I did meet however were cruel towards me and now I fear they'll either be cruel, try to abuse me in some way or leave me in the end. So much Fear, Anxiety and Depression has consumed my life that I feel hopeless at this point. I'm not really sure what to do anymore and I'm starting to lose hope as well. :crying:

Anytime I go out, I see other people along with their friends and I can't help but feel jealous cause they have friends: but not me. I have nothing and now I'm feeling like I am nothing.

 

[kihira]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, it must be extra hard to have multiple issues to deal with, I hope you can make some progress and push back that depression soon

 

[Luckylife]

I'm sure I could be more depressed than I am but I live an isolated life by choice. I have been thru the lonely movie and holiday phase but now don't bother with any place or activity that reminds me of my AvPD. Unfortunately I had a long period of my life where I was almost certainly insane and truly enjoyed isolation because of my reactions to friendship and intimacy. I had enough of failed relationships and genuinely believed that life was based on conflict and that companions were an anomaly. It does mean nowadays that if I do out go with friends I find it a night of zones and borders.
Life alone is difficult enough without adding the chaos of peer entertainment. I just make sure I am very presentable in clothing, manner and style - sophisticated if you will. If I have got a new MTB I will do it up till it is the best on the street - same with car or motorcycle, it is almost obsessive but I cant drive or ride with a bolt out of place. As for home life I haven't had a visitor for at least 5 years and according to the day I've had depends on the movie I watch or music I listen to. One amusing trait I have is a pronounced American twang to my accent, due no doubt to little or no talking to friends but always watching American movies.
As for people who know me, (I won't say friends) they can be very cruel and all this ever ends with is me being alone, but I'm used to that. The ones that I can chat to have there troubles but I will just nod and explain that I've dealt with this myself and if they can't they will fall. But to solve a problem a situation of overload has to develop before answers become obvious.
It isn't like I could say - do this - do that - and this will happen for you... all I feel I can say is I've been there, still am there, just worked out how to live with it.

 

[MikeyC]

Sorry to hear you're in a bad spot, but you mentioned that it seems like your depression comes and goes. Maybe you just need to ride it out, and consider some meds for your bi-polar if you're not taking them.

Don't feel bad going to the movies solo. I find that to be more enjoyable.

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

Thanks for all you're replies. Yes my Depression has gotten better but I still get days where I'll cry out of nowhere. Thankfully those sad spells don't happen for too long, but I hate how I'm feeling so happy: laughing and enjoying myself and than all the sudden I feel so low that I want to die. Hopefully things will get better for me soon.

 

[Whoopdeedoo]

I get what you re saying
My disease is dominating and consuming me now
Im depressed and anxious
So i dont want to do anything
But i cant stop ruminating and obsessing
So i never feel relaxed or rested
I really cant take how misunderstood and ridiculed i am
So i shut myself in cause it furtheraggitates me

 

[FooFighter]

Well for what it's worth I'll be your friend I just turned 21 not to long ago and I spent it alone, partly my fault because I became a social recluse due to my depression. I really do believe that we can all fight this thing and take back control of our own lives. I'm always stressed, always ruminating. There has to be a way to get friends and our life back. I just try to stay as positive as I can

 

[GarrettHnatiuk]

Sorry to hear you're in a poor spot, but you mentioned it seems like your depression is going and coming back. Maybe you just need to ride it, and consider some meds for the bipolar if you're not taking them.

 

[greggy]

My depression has came back into my life: I suffer with bi polar disorder along with PTSD, right now I'm starting to lose hope. I avoid trying to make friends cause I'm always afraid people will leave me in the end. Have a few friends online but a lot of them are dropping like flies and won't talk to me as much anymore.... now I'm starting to think this will be my life forever. That I'll always be alone and have no friends. I've been going to the movies alone: I see movies by myself. No friends in town, I've lived in Florida since 2003 and not many people know me. The friends I did meet however were cruel towards me and now I fear they'll either be cruel, try to abuse me in some way or leave me in the end. So much Fear, Anxiety and Depression has consumed my life that I feel hopeless at this point. I'm not really sure what to do anymore and I'm starting to lose hope as well. :crying:

Anytime I go out, I see other people along with their friends and I can't help but feel jealous cause they have friends: but not me. I have nothing and now I'm feeling like I am nothing.

I know how you feel, i moved to london 5 months ago and at some points ive felt so low and on 2 occasions suicidle, i have panic attacks that are almost unbearable, but honestly you dont need friends that dont bother to check you up, there's people they me and my brother grew up with who are friends with him and dont want to know anything about me but i really dont need them, just know that you are worth more then they cate to see, but people will, are involved with any groups of people? Like martial arts? Acting class? Let people see how great you are

 

[Argentum]

I experience a lot of doubt with my friendships, too. I try to be friendly towards and interested in others because the conventional wisdom is that behaving that way will make them interested in me, too, but it always seems to backfire. I become the go-to person for venting, tech help, and other things without people being curious about me and my life in return. If I don't act friendly and interested, though, then no one wants to spend time with me - period.

I try to give every person a fresh slate but be cautious as a rule, and just keep telling myself that I can't gain anything without taking risks...