death by bunnies

[Thelonely]

Ok now that i got your attention lets start lol

So last month I tried once again to commit suicide. I wanted to use that ultra concentrated caffeine powder extract. I had heard that a single spoon is pretty much 10 time stronger than a monster energy drink. I got a whole bag of the stuff and I have high blood pressure to begin with. I was sure i wouldn't survive.

The night i had decided on doing it, I started it off by reading stories of people wanting to die with it or that simply had too much of it by accident. Pretty much everything i read scared me and I ended up not doing it. But I still didn't know what to do. I really wanted to die. I didn't feel strong enough to even get out of my apartment let alone go back to work.

I got over a month off work by seeing a psychiatrist. I have to see her every week until i go back to work. Problem is, she is terrible. With everything I've told her so far she doesn't seem to understand that I don't have any point or pleasure in living right now. She gave me a couple pills and expect my whole life to be fine now.

Sure the pills makes me feel less depressed but my life still has no purpose. I'm just living for the sake of living. I go at work and talk to no one. I get home in an empty apartment with no friends or girlfriend. I love my cat and all but she is not really great for conversation. I see my family about once every two month. Its just not enough

I'm supposed to go back to work in a week only. Problem is I don't feel ready. I wish I could correct some stuff about my life before going back to a routine that is just going to prevent me from making any changes to my life

Then again maybe its already too late :sad:

 

[zharl]

Hi there Thelonely! If you ever have thoughts like this in the future again, I'd like to direct you to this thread.

Otherwise, I would recommend counseling in addition to the medication if you have the time and resources. When I was in the throws of my depression, I was seeing both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. The psychiatrist fulfilled the need for medication, while the psychologist provided counseling and therapy. In short, a combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy is what worked well for me.

That being said, the same treatment that worked for me may not work for you, as we are different people with different experiences. Good luck! And if I'm around when you are, feel free to say, "hi" in the future!

 

[Jungle]

Hello Thelonely,

I am far from being a suicide expert, but if you want something painless you can still get a talkative person to bore you to death...

Joking aside, what you are telling us here is dreadful, you have to evacuate all these garbage thoughts from your head.

Think about your parents and the people that care about you.
If you believe in god, know that suicide won't lead you anywhere good.

 

[zharl]

Hello Thelonely,

I am far from being a suicide expert, but if you want something painless you can still get a talkative person to bore you to death...

Joking aside, what you are telling us here is dreadful, you have to evacuate all these garbage thoughts from your head.

Think about your parents and the people that care about you.
If you believe in god, know that suicide will lead you to eternal damnation.

Erm...I know that you're coming from the right place Jungle, but not everyone believes in God. Furthermore, I'm not so sure that "eternal damnation" is the best motivator. I mean this in the best way possible! I'm sorry if I offended you!

 

[Jungle]

Erm...I know that you're coming from the right place Jungle, but not everyone believes in God. Furthermore, I'm not so sure that "eternal damnation" is the best motivator. I mean this in the best way possible! I'm sorry if I offended you!

You are right, I just had it edited.
No offense taken, quite the opposite.

 

[StonersAgony]

I've had the thoughts. Never attempted it but, I'd off myself quickier than most. I always think something like '"what if my life turns out great in the future".

I see you don't believe in God. Neither do I. Life is hard for us atheists. It's tough knowing that life has no purpose or meaning and an after life is just wishful thinking. That's why so many people are religious IMO. In my mind we are just the environments way of experiencing itself and our purpose is what ever we want it to be.

Just stay rational. Realize that you only get one life and you don't know what awaits you. You could wake up one day and just start enjoying things agian. Life has ups and downs.

When I get extremely depressed, I like to imagine what my life would be like if I had just spent 5 years in prison and somehow didn't kill myself. I wouldn't care about not having friends or a GF. I would be over the top just to be free. You can create your own story if you want.

Learn to enjoy or respect the struggle. There's struggle in every accomplishment and achievement. No triumph without a defeated, so to speak.

Here are some random suggestions: Look for a better job in your spare time. Find a hobby you enjoy. Try dating. Reach out to old friends. Find things outdoors that you enjoy. None of the things I listed are easy. Respect the struggle.

If you can't find a medication that helps, try Phenibut but, NEVER use it more than twice a week. I recommend getting the liftmode brand. It's cheap and effective. It has been a lifesaver for me. Having the option to wake up and think "should I take some Phenibut and have an amazing day today?" makes life worth living even if It is just 2 days a week. Weed also helps my depression but, worsens my anxiety. I can't recommend it.

Good luck!