Dealing with anger

Louco

Well-known member
#1
Hi, it's my first post here. I'm very glad I found this space, I've never been able to speak with anyone who also have this terrible disease. Also, I'm sorry for possible grammar mistakes, we don't speak English in my country.

So, do you guys feel angry often? Let me speak a little about myself before moving on so I can explain it better. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself for not being able to go to college or find a job because of the overwhelming anxiety. People around me, including my family, always thought I was just a lazy and rebellious teenager avoiding school out of spite for my mother and discipline, and that really didn't help. It was only after my 20's that I was finally able to see that it was not my fault, that my suffering and failures were not for not trying hard enough, but the result of a neurological disorder.

I always knew this disorder was not part of my personality. I don't hate being around other people because they annoy me or something logical like that. I hate being around them because I feel being judged all the time, I feel like being considered weird by my looks and my behavior, and I feel like other people don't want me around them because of that. However, I look at the mirror, and I watch carefully how I deal with social interactions, and it doesn't make any sense, I look and behave perfectly normal.

Well, it's not like I really have to demonstrate how socialphobia is totally irrational, right? The moments before leaving your house are more than enough to realize. I don't know if to everyone is the same, but for me is like a primal fear, I can't even think anything. The heartbeats go through the roof, cold sweating, the feeling like there's a hand squeezing your guts, the trembling, and so on, to the dreaded panic attack if you decide to go out anyway.

Ok, so how to deal with this? There's something wrong with my brain, not just with my ideas, that is clear.

Or is it? I have a mental disease which makes me unable to live in society? It's so weird, because although that is obvious, to face this fact is very hard for me. Every time I try to find help, like seeking better medics, treatments, people with the same propblem so we can help each other and other ways to fight it, I feel really upset, to the point of not being able to stay focused and go on with it. I just have to think about something else and put the sickness (with its treatments) away from my mind.

So, is anyone there dealing with something like this?
 

Megaten

Well-known member
#2
Yeah anger is pretty much one of my biggest vices. The funny thing is, even though my life has improved over the years, I still get heated waaay too easily. Its like your brain gets used to a bad emotion and uncomfortable with good ones. I had to get off of facebook because I was getting mad at people and letting it ruin my day. Then I couldnt get work done. Im hoping to see a new counselor this Friday to talk about it. Im not sure of any tips since we might be experiencing things vastly differently. Oh and welcome to the forum.
 

Louco

Well-known member
#3
Yeah anger is pretty much one of my biggest vices. The funny thing is, even though my life has improved over the years, I still get heated waaay too easily. Its like your brain gets used to a bad emotion and uncomfortable with good ones. I had to get off of facebook because I was getting mad at people and letting it ruin my day. Then I couldnt get work done. Im hoping to see a new counselor this Friday to talk about it. Im not sure of any tips since we might be experiencing things vastly differently. Oh and welcome to the forum.
Hey, thanks for the welcome and the answer.

I gave up on social media ages ago, but I had my share of troubles with it back then too.

I hope everything goes well for you. I just can't bother talking with therapists and the like anymore, my patience for this have dried up completely after too many bad experiences.
 
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