dating with social anxiety

Dear all,

I was wondering if any of you have been dating lately? There's a guy that approached me a few days ago. He works in a hotel. I've seen him before and he wants a date with me. I would love to hang out with him. He probably already wants to have the first date with me next week. This goes suddenly so fast. I have dated a few guys in the past, but that was years ago. I've never had a bf. He's an alternative guy with tattoos and I find him pretty cool and sexy, haha. So I am open for it to see him again. He's 35 and I'm 30 now. He's luckily single, got no kids, no ex wife. So that's basically perfect for me. With my social phobia I don't know how to act and react to ppl. Every time when I saw him in the hotel, he smiled at me and I just smiled back. Last Thursday I knew, cuz I felt that he likes me. He whatsapped me when I got home. We've talked with each other on whatsapp non stop for hours. I don't have the feeling that he's a creep or a guy with some Asian fetish and just wanna get in my pants. I think this guy has a crush on me. I'm so socially awkward that I just don't know what to do, but I like him too, so I won't let go this opportunity. Does anybody of you have some advice for me on how to be on a first date as a person with social phobia? I'm like for instance if he asks me why I'm suddenly so quiet, should I just say that I'm just shy or should I tell him that I have social phobia? I don't think it's a good idea to tell him right from the start, but sooner or later he'll find out anyway. What's your advice on this? Also what place is the best place to hang out on a first date? Just having coffee somewhere or something else?
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Well-known member
First off, congrats! I wish I was dating someone right now but sadly I haven't even had a prospect in about 4 years. Last girl I was involved with was one I met through a dating site but that went south. Nothing since, but I'm sure the whole barely leaving the house thing has a lot to do with that, lol.

Anyways, I have social phobia as well & always got extremely nervous when I was gonna hang with a girl I liked so I understand. I'd just be honest from the start about it. I mean, if he really likes you, then he should understand and be cool with it.

Also, if y'all are going out to eat or something, maybe try having a drink to calm your nerves and maybe things will flow more naturally. Unless you don't care for alcohol of course. It's just that I find a drink or two helps me tremendously in social situations when they arise. It slows my thoughts down and I feel more at ease.

Also, if you have trouble thinking of things to talk about yourself, try just asking things about him and kinda direct the convo to him and then you can just sit and listen while he does the majority of the talking and take some pressure off of you. I'm pretty terrible at talking about myself so that's probably what I would do. haha.

That's all I got. Hopefully something in there will be useful to you. lol.

Good luck!
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