cycles of hard luck

[skins]

I remember back to the day, would have been about 4 years ago no, I was in a stable job, a few good friends, a good income, life was o.k. I remember thinking back to the past that day, back to before I got a job when things were much worse…living on welfare, with no friends and my life going seemingly no-where. I was thinking at how pathetic my life was back then and how good it was that my life was finally back on the rails of what most people would consider as being a “normal” existence. I was thinking at how there is no way that I would ever have to go back to that sort of life now that things were on track. Life would just go onwards and upwards from here on in.

How wrong I was! Do you ever feel that your life is just a series of bad luck stories intertwined with brief interruptions of stability and reasonable fortune? Mine is….every time, every time things seem to be going o.k for me, whether it be a good job, a good girlfriend or whatever….it seems that in time the universe will conspire against me to bring it all crashing back down again….back down to where I belong, subsisting, struggling and barely surviving….I work hard to get my head above water only to have the shackles once again clamped back around my ankles to sink me back to the depths of despair. Like a drug addict that relapses after a short period of being clean. It’s either a bad decision, bad luck, or just plain coincidence that’s the catalyst, but the end result is always the same, back to square one. And so here I am, once again finding myself in the same situation I described looking back on, with no job, severe depression and AvPD with no prospects on the horizon. Some people describe it as being their destiny with the situation in which they continually find themselves being drawn back to. Well mine seems to be a destiny of a crap life, for whatever reason.

Sure there’s been a few cycles of good since that time….in the first instance it was just a really bad decision that caused the crash, I gave up an opportunity presented to me, all because I thought I needed a change of scenery, I thought I would just fall into a similar job soon enough given I had fallen into this first one.

The next was really just bad luck…again I had finally found an ok job that I would have been happy to keep. Crashing the boss’s new car put an end to that one. Being entirely my fault for the crash the boss soon found a reason to sack my ass, not using the excuse for the crash as the reason, but deep down I knew it was and could even sense it coming. And so the cycle continues, along with many other examples I could give. So much so, its now so far ingrained in me that when ever something goes right for a change, I’m continually looking over my shoulder, looking and waiting for that grim reaper of bad luck to come along and once again take my feet out from underneath me. To take me down a peg or two to back where I belong. Why do I even bother trying anymore? Why? Well for now I’m not, you win Mr reaper, i give up, its just too hard.

 

[Richey]

The funny thing is that this doesn't happen to everybody, some people have a higher percentage of good things that stay that way as well which can be difficult to process if yourself seems to be going through 1-2 year cycles of a nice work-lifestyle combination and then hard luck comes and you have to start over again ...it can often feel like a rollercoaster.

Happens to me as well, partly my own fault. I am very indecisive about my career. I mean i have 10+ potential careers i'd like to pursue and cannot 100% commit to one no matter how hard i try. Where as some people can just make themselves believe that their decision of university and then career is the one and then they succeed because they also are not limited by much anxiety etc ...

I blame myself of course but i also put some blame on my environment, mentors, education. Most of it comes down to personal indecision and also luck that is out of my control as well..

One can only keep trying..that's it.

It's a bit like Macgyver, always getting into a difficult situation but somehow finds a way to survive it. That's all anyone can try to achieve.

 

[redtear]

Some people describe it as being their destiny with the situation in which they continually find themselves being drawn back to. Well mine seems to be a destiny of a crap life, for whatever reason.

.

You are looking at it backwards. Sure life keeps throwing crap at you. But then you manage to work your way back to where you belong. You are drawing yourself back to your destiny, time after time.

A friend once told me "you always manage to fall in shi*. But you always come out of it smelling like roses."

So go ahead. Feel like crap for a bit. And then get out there and find your destiny again!

 

[mikebird]

Wow

That's what my dead mum said about me, to all of the family, and she was right.

Hard edge of luck (nothing settled) - time in hospital, time in jail, highs of social perfection, with new girlfriends, in different countries, and then ultimate lows when they leave.

Same for earning big bucks - and then out of pocket. I think I quite like it this way. Nothing average in life, ticking along like everyone else has. I like surprise and excitement. Twice expected dead - then fine.

Surviving

All I Need

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw8i28bNoYY&ob=av2e

 

[twiggle]

Ah - I get this too. Things either seem to be going well, or not going at all.

But they weren't lying when they said life is a rollercoaster. There are going to be ups and downs, that's how we need life to be. The downs are hard to deal with but they make us inspect ourselves and realise what we need to do, and how we need to do it - and the ups are our reward for our determination. We wouldn't recognise either if we had never experienced the other.

If life was constantly ups it would be lovely, but its never that way for anybody. If it was, we'd make a lot of mistakes because we wouldn't have had the bad times to teach them to us, and nobody ever stops learning.

This is how I feel at the moment with being unemployed. It's making me more determined than I've ever been before with much more drive about what it is I want to do. Bad cycles are a kick up the **** that can be recycled into much bigger and better things. And my rubbish depression over Summer, over which I cried every day and never understood why I had to go through it, caused me to be a lot more grateful about smaller things now and put more effort in to kick the anxiety

I don't think I'd like it if life was constantly just ups to be honest. Because after a while, I'd forget to appreciate it.

 

[skins]

Ah - I get this too. Things either seem to be going well, or not going at all.

But they weren't lying when they said life is a rollercoaster. There are going to be ups and downs, that's how we need life to be. The downs are hard to deal with but they make us inspect ourselves and realise what we need to do, and how we need to do it - and the ups are our reward for our determination. We wouldn't recognise either if we had never experienced the other.

If life was constantly ups it would be lovely, but its never that way for anybody. If it was, we'd make a lot of mistakes because we wouldn't have had the bad times to teach them to us, and nobody ever stops learning.

This is how I feel at the moment with being unemployed. It's making me more determined than I've ever been before with much more drive about what it is I want to do. Bad cycles are a kick up the **** that can be recycled into much bigger and better things. And my rubbish depression over Summer, over which I cried every day and never understood why I had to go through it, caused me to be a lot more grateful about smaller things now and put more effort in to kick the anxiety

I don't think I'd like it if life was constantly just ups to be honest. Because after a while, I'd forget to appreciate it.

that a really good way to look at it, thanks twiggle and the others for your replies