cut from pack

[rusirius68]

I was mulling over an undeserved snub... I got to thinking of more times like when I was a kid and was on the outside of everything. And I recall being surprised by some kid's open hostility towards me...too much to relate here.
I didn't start out shy or self conscious--I have become that way wondering what I did wrong to make people respond to me that way.

I supposed it was a rejection by the herd sort of thing. It seems to be where ever I have lived and about 9 out of 10 people just tolerate me. What is it I am or am not? What do they see or sense about me that lets them know I cannot be part of the herd/pack of humanity? so average but so excluded? Why the hostility?! OK. I look at stupid obnoxious people and I see they have friends---?!?! Why/How could I be singled out like this. And finally is it my perception or is it real? Why the hostility though? Like I've been singled out for pretending to belong.

 

[theoutsider]

I use the "pack" analogy often because I believe that humans aren't that different from animals in the wild where forming into groups are concerned. What I believe is that most of us with SA are the Gammas or, to put it more romantically, the Lone Wolves of the human world. There's something about us that makes us useless as a pack member. This, IMO, isn't an entirely bad thing. I know from personal experience that I don't fit into any of the ranking system of a normal pack. I'm not necessarily interested in leading the group so that rules me out of the alpha role. I'm even more uninterested in following the leader which doesn't make me a good foot soldier or second in command. I think people like us with SA prefer to do our own thing. We like to lead ourselves and follow our own rules. However, where humans differ from animals is that even though we may be loners by nature, we still sometimes desire the company of others. This is where the complication comes into play. When we decide to step out of our comfort zones and blend in with the pack, even for a little while, we have no idea how to fit in. There's no role available for us. In the wild, if a lone wolf (or baboon or Lion, etc...you get the idea) approaches an established pack, he is quickly and violently run off or even killed. I believe the hostility you face from members of the packs you have been trying to fit in with is the human equivalent of what happens in the wild. They know you don't belong and consequently aren't one of them so you are dealt with harshly. The alpha of the pack may even view you as a threat if you don't fit in. The only comfort I can give you if fitting in really is your ultimate goal is that you are not alone. Most of us have gone through the same thing to a more or lesser degree. You can learn to thrive without the support of a pack, you just have to learn to be more self reliant.

 

[Kiwong]

I think the fight or flight response and pack mentality are carry overs from the past where survival required fitting into a group. Those rules don't apply in today's society, but they live on in our psychology, and make some people fearful and miserable. It doesn't have to be like that.