curing social anxiety is not just about getting out more...

[no1]

It is and it isn't.. If all you do is get out more then you will end up very disappointed when you find out that you don't have much social skills.

You first need to also fix the inner problems you have. Your anxiety, also brush up on social skills. It's not just about ANY action, it's about EFFECTIVE action.

if all you do is just rely on trial and error (without knowing the right things to try) you might end up wasting a lot of time, and learning a lot less, AND also losing LOTS of opportunities than if you would have learned effective communication, and learned to accept yourself for who you are, and learning to get better.

It's not just about "GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND FUCK SOMEONE!!!" as if they have no choice themselves. People DO have a choice, as to whether they want to be receptive or not to you. And you want to increase your chances of being receptive. Not just learn what NOT to do. There's a million and 1 things that you can learn NOT to do, and if you don't learn WHAT to do then you are f*cked.

No, I can't just "get out there and f*ck a girl" or "make friends". I can't just make someone involuntarily participate in my endeavors. You have to do SOMETHING RIGHT for it to happen. You can't just enforce your will upon someone. People have the choice to reject you,and just because they do doesn't mean I am any less of a man just because I don't FORCE someone to like me.

For crying out loud, it is NOT just about GETTING THE F*CK OUT MORE. Except that yea you have to get out to learn... but not just to 'gtfo' more.

If all I did was GTFO more and was still the "insociable" person I was, even if I tried.. I would get nowhere.

Because WHO is going to want to be your friend if you are not socially skilled and perfect just as everyone wants you to be, with no faults and all?

Nobody. At laest not for me. Nobody is goig to want to communicate or socialize with a socially incompetent person like me until I learn how to be socially competent. And if all I do is then f*ck up with everyone in town, who's going to be willing to give me the chance to try again? Or will I have to just move?

 

[SickJoke]

Overall, great post. It is 100x better than most of the other threads here which are purely negativity.

Socializing is huge, and changing your beliefs is just as huge. You need to do both to overcome SA!

 

[Oscelot]

I totally get what you're saying man, and you definately could be right. Exposure therapy probably won't be able to cure SP in most cases, unless you just learn to not care at all about social mistakes. You can't just magically be good at making freinds all of a sudden either.
So anyways I guess I agree with you.

 

[enmascarado]

I completely agree...so now what? How do you magically get social skills when that kind of exposure doesn't work?

 

[no1]

well, do what you can. I'm just saying it is not JUST about getting the f*ck out more. yea get out more... but also fix your inner problems. a lot of people make the mistake of believing all you gotta do is just get out more... and especially because a lot of people who think less of social phobics as just being spoiled, or pussies, etc. yea like me.

I guess.. I'd hate to say this but read up on social skills I guess. go to a therapist maybe, or take a class on communication or social skills. expose yourself but don't just expect that exposing yourself will do it.