dreamchaser
New member
Hi, this is something im really struggling with, all my life i have suffered with what i thought was social anxiety, but now think i may have something else like aspergers? primary school i was always told off for talking too much, giggling, not listening, i would bring toys to school and put them in my tray in my desk and play with them and think that ws ok, i reember being terrified off teachers and some other kids that were boistrous, although i probably didnt seem quiet, sometimes i would withdraw. I would get 1 to 1 help sometimes in school with a leaning support teacher, i always felt no matter how much help i got nothing seemed to sink in. At home i would spend my time in my bedroom listening to music and would pretend it was me that was singing the song, i would mime and dance about and actually create an audience in my head. I remember always being angry with my family, always felt my mum didnt love me, she was always shouting at me, but outside put a front on could hardly move in house it was like a show home, after much research i think she may be narcisstic and my dad hardly ever spoke to his, he was usually in a world off his own, and wen he snapped out off it he did have strange behaviours, friends that came round would notice and i would be embarassed. Going to academy was a nitemare, felt like nobody like me and was laughing at me, i felt i didnt fit in and would get quiet at times but then other times i would get hyper, sometimes i would tell lies to friends and a couple of times i would steal cds from them, would make arrangements with them then wouldnt go, but then again i wasnt really allowed to do many things, and would often sneak around, my friends would fall out with me and get annoyed as im sure i was giving across the message i didnt care, when i tried my best too, my mum didnt like anybody in house and would make us crouch down behind sofa and hide from my nana and papa when the came round, she wasnt the socialising type and always said she wasnt a people person. I left school when i was 16 and i really did have bad anxiety then, in jobs i would try to please everyone, and felt really immature compared to them, would go out on weekends with people from work and any guys i met that night i would end up going home with them, the thing is my mum never questioned it, she went from being a strict mum to doing whatever i wanted. When i did get longterm boyfriends i would be obseesed with them spending all my time and money on them till they had enough of me.
Sorry i know this is long..... Fast forward a good few years now im married and have three kids and to be honest life is a nitemare at time, i dont like going anywhere as i get anxious and when i am with others i feel i just say silly things i always get strange looks, and feel no one likes me, taking my son to nursery everyday is an ordeal , i hate having to speak to anyone i feel i come across as desperate and say the wrong things, feel way too self conscious like everyone staring at me but ive always had this even when younger going to school i thought everyone was looking out there window at me, i never actually know how much eye contact i should have is that normal for social anxiety,poor social skills,can social anxiety/ phobia really cause all this in my life or is something else going on could it be aspergers?
Jen xx
Sorry i know this is long..... Fast forward a good few years now im married and have three kids and to be honest life is a nitemare at time, i dont like going anywhere as i get anxious and when i am with others i feel i just say silly things i always get strange looks, and feel no one likes me, taking my son to nursery everyday is an ordeal , i hate having to speak to anyone i feel i come across as desperate and say the wrong things, feel way too self conscious like everyone staring at me but ive always had this even when younger going to school i thought everyone was looking out there window at me, i never actually know how much eye contact i should have is that normal for social anxiety,poor social skills,can social anxiety/ phobia really cause all this in my life or is something else going on could it be aspergers?
Jen xx
