Hello everyone. As I have read many topics here about dating and relationships, confidence seems to keep coming up as the no. 1 trait!
Which is a shame since I and I'm sure lots of others here do not have enough confidence to be desirable. It's a really big problem for me. I can't think of any benefits of low confidence.
But enough moaning from me! I have posted this to ask two questions:
1) Do you have confidence? Let's say rate it on a 1-10 scale
2) Is confidence one of the top things you would want in a partner? If yes why?
1) I know I have high confidence somewhere, but I need to find it again. So far, the confidence I have is around 3 or 4.
2) I wouldn't say it's one of the top things, but I really wouldn't mind having a confident partner. I think it would probably help me being into more confident too. But heck, what do I know? I've never been with anyone.
Look at it this way, if you are confident, you are able to converse with people socially. In order to get a date, you have to overcome that fear of "breaking of the ice" and starting a conversation with a woman. So you can call it confidence, lack of fear, courage, whatever. But the most important thing is being able to socially comfortable with women. If you never talk to women, you will never be with women. What is extremely depressing about this whole thing is that you can be the biggest prick, you could be some closet serial killer, but you can pick up women left and right if you are socially confident. And the nice, respectful, successful shy guy who will respect the woman and has a future with the woman, is left behind. Why did this travesty happen? Cuz the prick guy is a good communicator. Obviously it's not always like this, but this does often happen.
Since confidence is such a desirable trait and all that, my question is this: how does one acquire it? 😕
A shy guy would have to learn to relax to achieve confidence. Outgoing people are already relaxed so confidence comes a lot easier for them. I wish it relaxing were so simple for SAD people, but it's not. We have to train our muscles to do something that we've been doing the opposite of our whole lives (tension).
I truly do wish I was a woman. The thought of going into a bar knowing that 80-90% of the guys will make that first move would be incredibly easier for someone like me. I could literally stand there and stare at the guys and smile and they would just come up to you. Wow, women have it so easy, I'm jealous.
I truly do wish I was a woman. The thought of going into a bar knowing that 80-90% of the guys will make that first move would be incredibly easier for someone like me. I could literally stand there and stare at the guys and smile and they would just come up to you. Wow, women have it so easy, I'm jealous.
Wow, this is really strange. I am a woman and I wish that I was born a man!!
You know the grass is really never greener on the other side:)
While it may appear to be, each side has its own unknown tragedies you never thought of.:🙁:
Wow, this is really strange. I am a woman and I wish that I was born a man!!
You know the grass is really never greener on the other side:)
While it may appear to be, each side has its own unknown tragedies you never thought of.:🙁:
You'll never convince me it's better to be a man than a woman, especially considering I have SAD. I brought this up because the dating world is where shy guys get slammed really hard by SA. The way society works, men usually have to make the first move, which is the hardest thing for a guy w/ SAD to do.
If you have reasons why you think being a woman is worse than being a man, please do tell. There are some reasons being a female can suck, but when you compare the intensity of the problems between the sexes, men's problems outweigh women's problems by a ton.
Since confidence is such a desirable trait and all that, my question is this: how does one acquire it? 😕
I heard that confidence is to do with how one relates themselves to others around them. If you think inferior of yourself, it's gonna project in how you conduct yourself around other people. So I'm guessing that based on this, it's best to think of yourself as being 'equal' to everyone else? So no one is above you and you are not above anyone else.
Also I've been told that if you stop worrying (which I do a lot about everything, not just social situations) then everything will be much better and the confidence will come and replace the worrying.
Dunno if that helps. I would have more info on this if I was confident myself lol, but these are starting points
A confident man talks to as many people as possible, male and female. I think the best to way to get a woman is to talk to both sexes without the intentions of sexual relations with the opposite sex. I see some people in here think you should "hunt" for women, I'm not really a believer in that anymore. When you "hunt" for women you are obviously just looking to get laid. It's more important to make friends and become socially confident with everyone, then you get to know people better. Confidence isn't about who "hunts" more, it's about who is the best "people" person. Too many people are concerned with getting laid instead of making friends and improving social skills. This is a big reason why society makes me so mad: sex dominates many people's minds. We are human beings, not wild animals. There is a time for sex when you really get to know someone and love them. You shouldn't be constantly searching like a wild animal for a mate, you should be searching for friends, and then, if sex happens later when you love someone after you get to know them beginning as a friend, then so be it.
1) In my head, I'm at a solid 8. Whenever I do something well, I make sure to compliment myself. I let myself feel proud whenever I've worked hard on something. It's not false confidence because it's based on reality. I don't compliment myself on traits I don't possess. And whenever someone compliments me, even though it makes me feel awkward, I make sure to say "thank you" instead of "nahhh, I don't think so".
But when it comes to acting confidently, I fail. It's at 0. I can't get my positive thinking to affect my behavior. I don't know why it won't go into the subconscious. It's like there is a barrier there that's invincible, no matter what I do.
2) No, not really. Unless their lack of confidence affects the relationship.
I like someone who is grounded in reality and doesn't inject positivity or negativity in every aspect of life. I like people who see things how they really are, because you're more able to shape that reality into something better. Ultra-positive people have a tendency to ignore negative situations rather than change them and ultra-negative people will just complain.
But this is, of course, the type of person I want to be more than the type of person I want to date. It doesn't matter how wonderful the person I end up with is--they're not going to change me. Only I have the power to do that.
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