Comparmentalization and SA??

[Section_31]

HI guys,

Ive been trying to figure out how to explain this one. Usually my posts are about my wife and what shes going through, however a while ago i mentioned i think i have some form of SA or social phobia, and for the longest time i wasnt sure exactly how to explain how it happens.

If your someone i work with, you'd most likely have no idea im a social recluse and dont like most people. At work, im friendly, outgoing, i can hold a convo with someone for quite a while, joke around, have fun, not a big deal. But suggest some company event thats coming up, say our annual floor hockey tournament or somthing, i always find myself finding a reason not to go, and im actively doing it because I dont like people. Now, that in itself isnt what i find odd about me, i know WHY i do that.

Now, lets switch into my home life. A good example. A few weeks ago, my wife and i were out and about, and we ended up at the mall. I stopped dead in my tracks because i spotted someone who i work with, and they saw me. I hurredly switched directions and walked away like i hadnt seen them. I couldnt think, my heart was beating dast and hard, and man i was sweating, ALOT. Once we were out of sight of said person, i calmed down and was ok, though i was keyed up and jumpy for the rest of the afternoon.

This isnt an isolated thing, and it doesnt seem to matter who the person is. This goes back as far as elementry school. When i was a kid i had lots of friends, at school, and thats just where i preferred them to stay, was at school. Every time someone wanted to do somthing outside of school, id always say no. Id get really, REALLY scared. And i dont know why. This happened all through my school years, and sometimes when people would phone me after school id actually be really, really annoyed/scared, and avoid the phone (unless i knew it was a girl ).

Ive been trying to think about why this happens, why i feel the way i do, and i did a slight mental situational reversal. I tried thinking about what it would be like if my wife was at work with me. I mean, yes ive had to stop in on the weekends when no one is around for a few minutes and she was with me, but i mean on a regular work day. As much as I love her, i wouldnt know how to act, because as my place of work, it doesnt compute, she doesnt have a place here.....im not sure if that makes sense....

I know part of it is, nobody knows the real me, just how much of a geek i am (if people realized just how much star trek memorabilia i have!). In my school years, or now.

Same thing goes with the people i play airsoft with on the weekends. I go to a game, then quickly pack up and go before anyone else leaves. Sometimes they all go out for beers or whatever (i dont drink, so thats my copout) and i always avoid situations with them outside of playing airsoft, even though i love it and have an awsome time during the games. If i run into some of them somewhere its not AS a big deal, i do a good job of outwardly controlling myself even though im terrified. I just usually try to keep things minimal.

This is a rambling post, but has anyone else ever had S/A or anxiety crop up in this fashion?. Id really like to know because this is confusing the hell out of me!

 

[Mickery]

Perhaps your fear of interaction of people in a more casual environment clashes with the more private personality you have guarded since childhood and are afraid to have discovered. Structured situations like work or airsoft are social, but still separate from your more intimate side because the focus is still on what you're doing, not you personally. Without that structure, the focus may be shifted from the situation and you may be expected to reveal something of yourself.

Or perhaps I'm way off. The physical symptoms and the avoidant behaviour stem from a thought process. There's no need to switch perspective; when you see somebody you want to avoid, what are you thinking? What makes you react in that way?

 

[Section_31]

Hey mickery, thanks very much for your thoughts.

When i see someone i want to avoid, honestly, its just a kneejerk reaction, I dont really think much at all, just feel this overwhelming urge to get out of there, and yesterday. Kinda like one might do if you encountered a downed power line or somthing. All i really am thinking about is trying to keep people from noticing how suddenly sweaty i am, along with trying to control my shaking and slow my breathing. I guess you could say my thought process is on trying to control my outward appearance, as i dont want to draw attention to it, or worse, get my wifes anxiety fired up and going.

Im also trying to quickly think of a script, what to say if i cant avoid a situation. And specifically, what i can say to defuse/end it as fast as politely is possible. its really illogical.

 

[Mickery]

Physical symptoms are a reaction, even if you're not conscious of what it's a reaction to.

Link if the image isn't showing

You encounter a situation, which then provokes (unconscious?) thoughts of anxiety. Those thoughts then manifest themselves in a physical reaction, in emotions, and in subsequent behavior. Those can then snowball, as you found, into being causes of each other, such as the physical reaction being a cause of anxiety in itself.

Your happy task is to somehow go back to the very beginning and identify exactly what it is about the situation that you find so anxiety-provoking. If you ponder hard and are still not sure, it might be helpful to think about your earliest memories of when it has happened, what would make the situation comfortable without avoiding it, if there is anything separately you are anxious about and whether it could be related, that sort of thing.

This is what Cognitive Behavior Therapy aims to address, and part of it is compartmentalizing what happens and how you react into the 5 sections in the diagram, so you can understand how you're processing information. Try it yourself.

 

[Section_31]

wow, this by far has to be the most awsomemest, insightful reply ive ever gotten. Youve given me somthing to think about here. Im going to really think this over now and post back in a bit.

Awsomesauce!!!!