Comparing myself with my contemporaries

[JonnyA]

On Saturday, the parents of an ex-classmate of mine called Peter visited my parents and me.

Peter lives with a housemate, has plenty of friends and a job as a radio newsreader. The visitors knew that in the last 15 years, I had had no friends and barely worked. They were friendly and tactful, and never even implicitly compared me with their son. But still I spent lunch tearfully staring at my plate. I felt ashamed of my failure to achieve anything worthwhile, and worst of all of my failure to be happy with myself.

Since for years I have had no acquaintances of my age, I have been able to avoid comparing myself with my contemporaries. But now I am looking to find a job, and in preparation I am about to take up an unpaid position in a charity office. I will soon meet (or at least learn about) happy, normal people of around my age. Comparing myself to them will depress me.

Eventually my life might improve sufficiently that such comparisons will no longer be painful. But that, if it happens, is going to take months or years. Until then, is there any way in which I can reduce the discomfort?

 

[turtlegirl]

Yeah, I know what you mean about feeling unfortable around people who know your situation (jobless etc). I don't want to visit my hometown because I don't want to run into ex-teachers/ex-classmates/parents of ex-classmates. My mom must see a few of my ex-classmates from her job and I'm sure compares me unfavorably.

 

[JonnyA]

I still live in the same very small town as when I went to high school. Ex-classmates must recognise me from time to time. (I don't recognise them because I stare at the ground and don't wear my glasses.) Noone has ever approached me, but I'm scared of it. I am ashamed of my life. I want to make a friend, but don't know where to find someone who could understand me.

 

[Quixote]

I also worry about the possibility or running into someone that I know from previous times, especially ex-classmates from secondary school, although it's been a while since I finished it. I actually happened to meet three of them over the past years, and every time I found myself struggling to conceal how empty and pointless my life had been during the previous years.

Basically the fact is they have turned into young men and women, changing a lot and learning a lot, while I can't help but perceiving myself like a sort of child. I will feel like that all my life, it will be extremely odd when I will be, say, sixty years old.

 

[turtlegirl]

Basically the fact is they have turned into young men and women, changing a lot and learning a lot, while I can't help but perceiving myself like a sort of child. I will feel like that all my life, it will be extremely odd when I will be, say, sixty years old.

One of my nicknames for myself is Overgrown Child. Because I'm clueless like a child (maybe even more so), and I certainly don't have the authority of an adult.

 

[Richey]

its a running joke in my family, everyone knows im not a seasoned socialite! so usually at every gathering something is mentioned regarding my situation and status and its painful! that it has to be a joke because its not a joke, im at Uni its just that im a year or two older then what be considered the usual graduating age! so people my age who are more advanced and are already in high payed jobs give me such a hard time about still being at Uni at 23, thats not even that old really, my parents believe that its not normal unless your out drinking every single weekend, so JonnyA you are not alone at all, they compare me to succesful celebrities that are my age and my sisters boy friends who charm them whenever they pop around to visit her

 

[JonnyA]

One of my nicknames for myself is Overgrown Child. Because I'm clueless like a child (maybe even more so), and I certainly don't have the authority of an adult.

I am 30 years old but I'm so uncertain and timid in social situations that people treat me as a child. A few months ago while I was at a restaurant with my parents, a waiter called me "young man"! (At least he didn't pat me on the head.)

I wish my demeanour attracted shy people to talk to me. But such people don't seem interested - either because they are shy, or because I am too shy even for them. Every day I feel sad that I am alone.

 

[Quixote]

A few months ago while I was at a restaurant with my parents, a waiter called me "young man"! (At least he didn't pat me on the head.)

Haha that's the kind of thing that might easily happen to me. That's why I carefully avoid doing anything with my parents unless it is strictly necessary . I must say that I'm sorry sometimes to behave like that, but really I dislike the way people perceive me when I am in their company, I feel much more self confident when alone. My brain sometimes just seems to revert to child-mode when in the company of some relative (less and less as time passes, but still it's unpleasant). It's nothing obviously childish that I do, but a feeling I have, and one that can probably be perceived by anybody interacting with us.