I've been thinking about this a lot lately. There's a quote in a favourite film of mine called "Big Fish" that goes,
"The biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught"
...and it's haunted me for the last few years, because I think I've been caught! I've been working the same jobs, living in the same house, and doing pretty much the same routine every week for about 5 years now. It's really comfortable and it ticks most of my boxes.
Except I have this dilemma; there's a part of me that yearns to really live life; to move to London, or LA, to travel the world, to meet interesting people, to make deep connections, to face great fears and have all kinds of adventures. But then there's another part of me that is sceptical of this yearning. I wonder whether I've watched too many films and am comparing my life to other's too much. I wonder whether my problem is one of ingratitude over what I have, rather than cowardice to go after what I don't have. I'm also sceptical that stepping out of your comfort zone is something that can be kept up forever. It seems to me that the more you step out of your comfort zone, the bigger your comfort zone becomes, until there isn't much that really makes you uncomfortable anymore. And I'm sceptical of life philosophies that can't be perpetuated unendingly. I think maybe it's this idea of requiring constant novelty that I don't like about it.
But let's say I think "sod it, you only live once. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all", and I decide to get out there and give life a go. What should I do? I mean, I don't think I have a problem stepping out of my comfort zone whenever I can do so alone. I'm training for the London marathon this year, and next week I'm going to be cycling 60 miles to see my sister at uni. Two things I've never done before and am a little nervous about. So that side of it is fine. But when it comes to activities involving other people....well, I've tried these many times too...I've done open mic nights and joined clubs and attended various social events.....but there's something not right about it. It always feel forced or fake or manufactured, like the only reason I'm talking to these people and doing these things are so that I can feel inspired. I don't know. There's a block in my mind whenever I think of social things! I need to think some more.
