College!!!!
- Thread starter prince1
- Start date
Cedeejay
Member
Hey dude, I started college this year. Well at start its not that bad as the majority of people are new. What you gotta do: be calm about it. Relax, tell you its not that important. when you'll be in class, there will be people around you. Talk to them, they probably won't know more people than you do. Have assurance; 'normal' people are not as confortable as we are in those situation, trust me on this one
.
.
mienaino
Well-known member
There is only so much you can do before you go:
Know the layout of the campus you will be attending.
If your dormitory assignments have already been made, get in touch with your roommate.
If the schedule for next semester has been posted, check the classes and start putting together your schedule.
Until the time comes, don't sweat it. If you're academically ready for college, it isn't as difficult as many would have you believe (unless you're going to MIT, Oxford, or the like), so the only thing that might concern you is the new social setting, new routine. But you will get used to it. In fact, it may be the best thing for you. Also, don't worry, it is nothing like high school, so long as you stay away from the crowd who thinks it is high school.
Know the layout of the campus you will be attending.
If your dormitory assignments have already been made, get in touch with your roommate.
If the schedule for next semester has been posted, check the classes and start putting together your schedule.
Until the time comes, don't sweat it. If you're academically ready for college, it isn't as difficult as many would have you believe (unless you're going to MIT, Oxford, or the like), so the only thing that might concern you is the new social setting, new routine. But you will get used to it. In fact, it may be the best thing for you. Also, don't worry, it is nothing like high school, so long as you stay away from the crowd who thinks it is high school.
xkiss_me_nowx
Well-known member
prince1 said:
im ni the exact same posistion as you.. im scared too :|
charlieHungerford
Well-known member
Well you shouldn't worry, nothing bad is going to happen.
However, I remember going to university a long way away from home and I was absolutely crapping myself when I was going 10 years ago so I do understand, and admittedly at first it was hard, a new place where I didn't know anyone, but everyone is in the same boat, and university was the most amazing time, I loved almost every minute of it once I got settled and made some good friends, it was so exciting, I have some amazing memories and I am sure if you give it a go you will love it just as much. These are the best times in your life, meeting friends and having great times. Its such a come down after university, bored working all week to pay for the cost of living, friends all going in different directions, social life no longer exciting, etc. Really try and enjoy every moment of it, it can be as amazing as you want to make it!
In the mean time try and overcome your SA or improve as much as possible!
However, I remember going to university a long way away from home and I was absolutely crapping myself when I was going 10 years ago so I do understand, and admittedly at first it was hard, a new place where I didn't know anyone, but everyone is in the same boat, and university was the most amazing time, I loved almost every minute of it once I got settled and made some good friends, it was so exciting, I have some amazing memories and I am sure if you give it a go you will love it just as much. These are the best times in your life, meeting friends and having great times. Its such a come down after university, bored working all week to pay for the cost of living, friends all going in different directions, social life no longer exciting, etc. Really try and enjoy every moment of it, it can be as amazing as you want to make it!
In the mean time try and overcome your SA or improve as much as possible!
koyaanisqatsi
Well-known member
Hi prince1,
I'm not new here, but haven't visited this forum for quite a while. That's unfortunate because there is a lot of good support here.
Anyway. I started at a University in the fall of 1972. I did not understand my problems of SPia and depression at that point, but SPia was a big factor in my behavior. I used a number of coping techniques...rather, they were avoidance techniques. I was sharing an apartment with 3 other guys, 2 I knew from HS. They were party-animals, but I was more interested in my school work. Still, there was often too many people around the apartment--I mostly stayed in my room, door shut, studying. At school, I learned to arrive at my class-room very early, before others, and settle in what appeared to be inconspicuous location. If I couldn't get in before others, I managed to stake out my own territory. At the end of class, I'd be out the door ASAP if I could beat others out; if I couldn't get out quickly I, waited at my desk, pretending to be going over my class notes, then make my escape when the coast was clear. I honestly don't recommend my avoidance techniques...maybe using them or your own until you can find a comfort zone. Reason: I was so good at not meeting and interacting with people that I was extremely isolated and had serious suicidal ideations. I had finally realized that something was very wrong with me. It's not that I met no one, but I never let anyone into my life.
You'll find, I think, that college is not as bad as you imagine. There were much I enjoyed (not every moment was misery) and I think you need to try to enjoy your college years. In many ways, they will be the best years of your life. When I started to get into serious emotional trouble as I noted above, I was able to get counseling through the university infirmary. It may be possible for you to do the same, or you can try the psych department. My problems peaked in the mid to late 1970s and I don't think anything was understood about SPia back then--so I never really stood a chance. My problems were not diagnosed until 1991 by a very good psychiatrist, well into my working career. Meds. have helped, but... to this day, I can get little relief and may end up on disability :-( ! My career is over, never married, no close friends and I'm 56 yo. With someone like you, I encourage you to do anything you can do to find a cure (e.g. CBT) or a good medication. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. That's my lecture. I hate to see anyone end up like me...kind of old and pathetic, feeling hopeless. You don't want to end up like me. I could still do many things if not for the SPia and depression. My lecture has helped other people your age (I'd like to think); I hope it helps you. If anyone can give _me_ some options, I'm open to them.
good luck,k
I'm not new here, but haven't visited this forum for quite a while. That's unfortunate because there is a lot of good support here.
Anyway. I started at a University in the fall of 1972. I did not understand my problems of SPia and depression at that point, but SPia was a big factor in my behavior. I used a number of coping techniques...rather, they were avoidance techniques. I was sharing an apartment with 3 other guys, 2 I knew from HS. They were party-animals, but I was more interested in my school work. Still, there was often too many people around the apartment--I mostly stayed in my room, door shut, studying. At school, I learned to arrive at my class-room very early, before others, and settle in what appeared to be inconspicuous location. If I couldn't get in before others, I managed to stake out my own territory. At the end of class, I'd be out the door ASAP if I could beat others out; if I couldn't get out quickly I, waited at my desk, pretending to be going over my class notes, then make my escape when the coast was clear. I honestly don't recommend my avoidance techniques...maybe using them or your own until you can find a comfort zone. Reason: I was so good at not meeting and interacting with people that I was extremely isolated and had serious suicidal ideations. I had finally realized that something was very wrong with me. It's not that I met no one, but I never let anyone into my life.
You'll find, I think, that college is not as bad as you imagine. There were much I enjoyed (not every moment was misery) and I think you need to try to enjoy your college years. In many ways, they will be the best years of your life. When I started to get into serious emotional trouble as I noted above, I was able to get counseling through the university infirmary. It may be possible for you to do the same, or you can try the psych department. My problems peaked in the mid to late 1970s and I don't think anything was understood about SPia back then--so I never really stood a chance. My problems were not diagnosed until 1991 by a very good psychiatrist, well into my working career. Meds. have helped, but... to this day, I can get little relief and may end up on disability :-( ! My career is over, never married, no close friends and I'm 56 yo. With someone like you, I encourage you to do anything you can do to find a cure (e.g. CBT) or a good medication. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. That's my lecture. I hate to see anyone end up like me...kind of old and pathetic, feeling hopeless. You don't want to end up like me. I could still do many things if not for the SPia and depression. My lecture has helped other people your age (I'd like to think); I hope it helps you. If anyone can give _me_ some options, I'm open to them.
good luck,k
prince1 said:
prince1
Well-known member
thx for the support, my techniques also include avoiding anything that may make me feel uncomftable. Im going to be studying media, and i have a bad feeling that there will be lots of group work and mabye acting involved . I think thats whats making me dred going the most. But what you said about not being married or having any close friends, i think thats the path im going down right now. My friends seems to be abandoneding me 1 by 1, mabye because on SA and my avoidance of anything diffent like partys(unless i have alchole) and meeting new people or girls. Im male and hate being around girls fullstop, its not i dont like them, its just they make me so damn uncomftable. I just dont get it and thats why i dont think i will ever be married either, but still it has its up's i suppose. My highschool currently dosent have anyone that i can go and see about it, and ive been to the doctor and he basically said everyone feels the same at some point in there life OMG NOT 5 YEARS lol anyway ive been shy since about 6 and SA started getting worse since 11 so i must find a solution. 16 now and currently not doing anything about it right now apart from reading techniques etc because of the lack of recources i have.
. I think thats whats making me dred going the most. But what you said about not being married or having any close friends, i think thats the path im going down right now. My friends seems to be abandoneding me 1 by 1, mabye because on SA and my avoidance of anything diffent like partys(unless i have alchole) and meeting new people or girls. Im male and hate being around girls fullstop, its not i dont like them, its just they make me so damn uncomftable. I just dont get it and thats why i dont think i will ever be married either, but still it has its up's i suppose. My highschool currently dosent have anyone that i can go and see about it, and ive been to the doctor and he basically said everyone feels the same at some point in there life OMG NOT 5 YEARS lol anyway ive been shy since about 6 and SA started getting worse since 11 so i must find a solution. 16 now and currently not doing anything about it right now apart from reading techniques etc because of the lack of recources i have.Going to college was really difficult for me personally. I would always get a bad anxiety attack prior to walking into class for the first time and then to a slightly lesser degree the subsequent times.
The thing that made it extra hard was that I'd often postpone going so as to sit there for less time, but then coming late and having to deal with the all-eyes-on-me feeling, which was a nightmare. Sometimes I couldn't find a seat and would have to sit somewhere out of the way which lead to a super awkward moment as well.
I actually hated every minute of it - the anticipation was bad, but talking with professors and presentations were also terrible. It was a huge ongoing struggle just to get up for it every day. What I did find was that by really trying and doing my best (ie turning in all the work and always showing up), it wasn't quite as bad. But then there's the eternal paradox of dreading it so much that you can't face going.
Definitely not easy, but good luck prince. With a good mindset, you can get through it.
The thing that made it extra hard was that I'd often postpone going so as to sit there for less time, but then coming late and having to deal with the all-eyes-on-me feeling, which was a nightmare. Sometimes I couldn't find a seat and would have to sit somewhere out of the way which lead to a super awkward moment as well.
I actually hated every minute of it - the anticipation was bad, but talking with professors and presentations were also terrible. It was a huge ongoing struggle just to get up for it every day. What I did find was that by really trying and doing my best (ie turning in all the work and always showing up), it wasn't quite as bad. But then there's the eternal paradox of dreading it so much that you can't face going.
Definitely not easy, but good luck prince. With a good mindset, you can get through it.
scatmantom
Well-known member
----
koyaanisqatsi
Well-known member
Hi Prince1,
I agree with scatmantom. I wish I could go back and do it all over. In fact, I wish I could go back even further than college to before elementary school. But there are no do-overs...or very rarely can you try something again. It was when I was in college at the tender age of 21 yo that I had my first sexual experience...I was painfully shy and completely inept in interacting with members of the opposite sex. I self-medicated with alcohol and that helped me have _some_ social life, but not often. I think you and I share the same problem with girls. I was and am just so uncomfortable around girls--I think they sense the discomfort, maybe see my behavior as a lack of interest which was/is often the furthest thing from the truth. I quite drinking on Memorial Day of 1992 and many things became much more clear after that. I look at the points where my SPia got worse, not in terms of an age point, but rather at points where personal and professional responsibilities increased. This makes more sense than SPia being age related; but I can't deny that my SPia has gotten worse with age even when there was no apparent increase in responsibilities.
Here's a thigh-slapper as well as an indication of how bad off I've gotten. I live on a rural road with not much vehicular traffic, no pedestrian traffic, but a few Amish buggies coming by during the day. My mail box is at roadside, about 40 feet from the front of my house. To get my mail, I stick my head out the front or side door and listen carefully for traffic. If I hear none I sprint out to the mail box, get my mail, and sprint back. But if on my sprint out to the mailbox I hear a car coming, I abort the mission and sprint back to the house empty-handed to hide. It sometimes takes 3 or 4 attempts just to get my damn mail. I don't want to be seen now--SPia rules my life even though I'm on clonazepam and Wellbutrin. It's kinda' funny I guess, but I just don't quite understand how I got to this point. Drinking again is not an option, because I see myself taking that long miserable slide that my father did. He died when in his early 60s...he gave up caring years before that.
Looking back, it seems like it should have been so easy. But, SPia and depression made everything I did difficult and unconsiously underperfromed academically and athletically, even from my very earliest recollections before Kindergarten. But I'm me and you are you. Things could be much easier for you and I hope they are. And you should try to avoid putting any pressure on yourself...try to do your best as far as classwork, try not to avoid people, and you may find things work out very nicely. Slowly acclimate to your new environment.
I did not mention my major in my previous post. When I started college, I thought maybe something in the engineering field. But, I ended up taking a Math/Physics joint major. I enjoyed those classes, but I can't help but think I choose that major to isolate myself. It was very hard for me to get through. After college, I ended up, very much by choice, as a computer programmer, another very isolating type of work. The computer was my friend...I think everyone develops their own relationship with their computer. It's just a one-on-one relatioship that no one can share or interfere with...others have their own perhaps unique relationship.
Like Kinetik, I had my share of anxiety although I don't recall actual panic attacks in college. And I somehow made it to school for every class, even though it was a 3 mile on way walk to campus. And that walk could be very tough to take in Buffalo, NY winters. Perhaps the long walk to school helped me relax a little. Exercise would help you greatly as well...if you can motivate yourself.
You are at least trying by reading. That _can_ help you come to an understanding of yourself. I took a couple years of sobriety before things became clear to me. I just haven't been able to do anything with that knowledge. I go to a free clinic, and I'm grateful even though they are of little help. Bad psych care may be worse than no psych care. I'd stop going _now_ but my counselor is just drop-dead gorgeous as well as drop-dead married.
Again, do your best to find a way out. You can do this. You don't want to end up like me. And our age difference of 40 years will go in what seems to be a blink of the eye. There are lots of good people here and many people have responded...you are not alone and don't have to go through things alone.
Things are never as bad as we SPics fear they will be. In my programming job I had to meet and talk to a couple of Secretaries of Transportation (Cabinet Level presidential appointments) and Federal Highway Administration Administrators. Rodney Slater under Bill Clinton and Mary Peters under Bush 43, as well as Elaine Chao (now Secretary of Labor I think ) to drop a couple names. The pressure was on, but it just _wasn't_ that bad. If I can do it, so can you! Think about the worst that can happen and I think you'll realize that it is a ridiculous and impossible scenario. Then take the next worst thing...
good luck,k
I agree with scatmantom. I wish I could go back and do it all over. In fact, I wish I could go back even further than college to before elementary school. But there are no do-overs...or very rarely can you try something again. It was when I was in college at the tender age of 21 yo that I had my first sexual experience...I was painfully shy and completely inept in interacting with members of the opposite sex. I self-medicated with alcohol and that helped me have _some_ social life, but not often. I think you and I share the same problem with girls. I was and am just so uncomfortable around girls--I think they sense the discomfort, maybe see my behavior as a lack of interest which was/is often the furthest thing from the truth. I quite drinking on Memorial Day of 1992 and many things became much more clear after that. I look at the points where my SPia got worse, not in terms of an age point, but rather at points where personal and professional responsibilities increased. This makes more sense than SPia being age related; but I can't deny that my SPia has gotten worse with age even when there was no apparent increase in responsibilities.
Here's a thigh-slapper as well as an indication of how bad off I've gotten. I live on a rural road with not much vehicular traffic, no pedestrian traffic, but a few Amish buggies coming by during the day. My mail box is at roadside, about 40 feet from the front of my house. To get my mail, I stick my head out the front or side door and listen carefully for traffic. If I hear none I sprint out to the mail box, get my mail, and sprint back. But if on my sprint out to the mailbox I hear a car coming, I abort the mission and sprint back to the house empty-handed to hide. It sometimes takes 3 or 4 attempts just to get my damn mail. I don't want to be seen now--SPia rules my life even though I'm on clonazepam and Wellbutrin. It's kinda' funny I guess, but I just don't quite understand how I got to this point. Drinking again is not an option, because I see myself taking that long miserable slide that my father did. He died when in his early 60s...he gave up caring years before that.
Looking back, it seems like it should have been so easy. But, SPia and depression made everything I did difficult and unconsiously underperfromed academically and athletically, even from my very earliest recollections before Kindergarten. But I'm me and you are you. Things could be much easier for you and I hope they are. And you should try to avoid putting any pressure on yourself...try to do your best as far as classwork, try not to avoid people, and you may find things work out very nicely. Slowly acclimate to your new environment.
I did not mention my major in my previous post. When I started college, I thought maybe something in the engineering field. But, I ended up taking a Math/Physics joint major. I enjoyed those classes, but I can't help but think I choose that major to isolate myself. It was very hard for me to get through. After college, I ended up, very much by choice, as a computer programmer, another very isolating type of work. The computer was my friend...I think everyone develops their own relationship with their computer. It's just a one-on-one relatioship that no one can share or interfere with...others have their own perhaps unique relationship.
Like Kinetik, I had my share of anxiety although I don't recall actual panic attacks in college. And I somehow made it to school for every class, even though it was a 3 mile on way walk to campus. And that walk could be very tough to take in Buffalo, NY winters. Perhaps the long walk to school helped me relax a little. Exercise would help you greatly as well...if you can motivate yourself.
You are at least trying by reading. That _can_ help you come to an understanding of yourself. I took a couple years of sobriety before things became clear to me. I just haven't been able to do anything with that knowledge. I go to a free clinic, and I'm grateful even though they are of little help. Bad psych care may be worse than no psych care. I'd stop going _now_ but my counselor is just drop-dead gorgeous as well as drop-dead married.
Again, do your best to find a way out. You can do this. You don't want to end up like me. And our age difference of 40 years will go in what seems to be a blink of the eye. There are lots of good people here and many people have responded...you are not alone and don't have to go through things alone.
scatmantom said:
Things are never as bad as we SPics fear they will be. In my programming job I had to meet and talk to a couple of Secretaries of Transportation (Cabinet Level presidential appointments) and Federal Highway Administration Administrators. Rodney Slater under Bill Clinton and Mary Peters under Bush 43, as well as Elaine Chao (now Secretary of Labor I think ) to drop a couple names. The pressure was on, but it just _wasn't_ that bad. If I can do it, so can you! Think about the worst that can happen and I think you'll realize that it is a ridiculous and impossible scenario. Then take the next worst thing...
good luck,k