I've been very, very shy my entire life. I don't really know where the shyness ends and the social phobia begins. :? In nursery (So age three) I would tell my mum I felt sick, or had a stomach ache to get out of going. (I don't remember if I made it up or if it was real though. :? ) Because I was scared of the other children, and the adults there. I wouldn't speak to anyone, and wouldn't play with something if someone else was. I'd only do things if I could do them on my own.
I didn't have any friends until I was 7 or 8, and I was still stand-offish with them. Age 9, my mum took me to a psychiatrist, who said there was nothing wrong with me. I was just shy and I'd "Grow out of it".
When I was 11 and started secondary school, I made a huge effort to make friends even though it caused me a lot of anxiety. But I could never be myself around them, they were just people I was less anxious with, but I still had anxiety around them.
When I was 12 I developed constant dizziness, which meant I was worrying about falling over and fainting, aswell as the social side of things. I realised I hardly ever talked ot my friends, and they only talked to me when they wanted something - Usually help with homework (That's what happens when you get the best marks in the class, and are one of the top five students in your year :roll: ) So I stopped hanging round with them, and spent all of break and lunch time on my own. During which time I was taunted by lots of other students both older and younger than me.
At age 14, I was really miserable. I became extremely stressed, my mum thought I was heading towards a mental breakdown. After the Christmas holidays I couldn't face going back to school. I became anxious and had panic attacks at the thought of going to school or leaving the house.
At age 15, 10 months later I started attending a non-mainstream school, for people who couldn't cope with school because of mental or physical reasons. I was taken and brought back by taxi everyday, which was much less stressful than getting to school on my own. It was a small class, with people who seemed very nice and genuine. I didn't speak (Unless spoken to) for three months, but they encouraged me to join in with their quiz games at lunch time. I still didn't have a conversation with any of them, but I could answer the questions I knew the answers to most of the time.
But having missed so much school, and with the new school not being great accademically my exam results suffered, and instead of getting all A's/A*'s (Which I was told I was sure to get before all the problems with being unable to attend started) I only got 2 A's the rest were B's and C's, with one D - In German. Though I hadn't had a German teacher for 2 years, so perhaps that wasn't too bad. :roll: So that was another disapointment. Yet again I felt like a faliure.
When I left school I attempted college, but couldn't get passed the induction day. I just felt that people were staring at me and laughing at me. Everytime I heard someone joking with their friends it cut me as though it was aimed directly at me. (Which I know it wasn't but still...) Not to mention how out of place I felt being the onely one there that hadn't gone with friends.
So I've been stuck here, alone, not leaving the house since then. (I'm nearly 21, so that's been 4.5 years.)
(Sorry this post is so long. I tend to ramble :roll: .)
