Can anyone relate/how do you come across to others?

[lina1202]

Hi guys, I just wanted to see if there was anyone who could relate to this.

I feel like my social anxiety is different to others, to give an example/explain this; we do drink rounds at work (one of us goes round asking others if they want a drink) and when I first started there, I held back on going round for a few weeks but then forced myself to do one even though my palms were sweating and heart racing then I did it a couple more times, but then chickened out and stopped after that. Simply because, the idea of others seeing me as shy/timid/unsociable was worse than exposing myself to new people and possibly them talking to me. I thought if I did it a few times it would leave enough of an impression that I wasn't completely unsociable.
Now that I've stopped I'm sure people are a bit confused.

I have such a strong fear of others judging me for being quiet and strange and yet I am so scared, at the same time, of people chatting and getting to know me. It feels like I'm being torn in two.

But I feel that others with SA would usually just stick to themselves and try and lie low as possible, which is what some people in my office are like - they're very quiet and hardly speak at all but I will still force myself to speak (in between very long periods of silence) because I just hate the idea of coming across unsociable - and yet it's like putting myself through a nightmare every time I force myself to socialize.
This usually throws people off as a result because they don't expect me to say anything.

People have said that I come across as "sweet" and "timid." I always try my best to look like I'm interested in conversation even if I don't quite know what to say or join in, and the things that I do say tend to be short/simple. I think this is why I come across as "sweet" but it frustrates me cause it isn't how I want to be perceived and it's not really me.

How do you all come across to others, and can anyone relate to this at all?

Thanks for reading, if you did.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

You'll see by going through this forum that a lot of people here try to put themselves out there as you try to do. This is what we do to try and improve. I did this exact same thing that you did, agreeing to go out and drink after work a couple of times just to show good will and try to include myself in the team, then stopped when I felt that people knew me enough to understand that it's really not my thing.