bumped in to an old friend. FAIL.

Zarrix

Well-known member
#3
I feel exactly like this in almost any conversation. Don't have anything interesting to say or ask and most of the time I just ain't with it. Hell I cant even hear what the other person says in a conversation because im too self conscious. I know its not a physical problem with my ear. At home, talking with family, listening to music, talking to friends, I can hear fine, but as soon as I talk to someone who I dont know or I feel nervous around, it is difficult
 

scorpion

Well-known member
#4
You know I was exactly like this, couldnt focus, couldnt pay attention, couldnt think of anything interesting to say, so would prefer to shut it.
Its not because we are losers, or boring or dull. Its just because we are too self conscious and always thinking others are criticizing us.
Guess what?
Most times they arent.

One time i went into a girl I know, and i was so avoidant that I just pretend I didnt recognized her because I was thinking, "She cant remeber me way would she?"
But she did, later I found out she did recognized me and was super sad and disapointed at me for what I had done, so you see, avoidance is a vicious cicle and its our behavior that creates the thing we fear so much, rejection.

I just found out that if I am not feeling anxious, and trying to avoi people and situations, I can have a normal conversation, be funny and say a few interesting things, you see we dont have to say SUPER interesthing things all the time. Most times we just talk shit. Its OK, nobody really cares much about it.

And To finish Bicky Bick I will let you in on a little womens secret:

We are experts on hidding our fellings.

Really, for what i know about girls :D if she was saying No Way to her friend as a reply to the question: Is he your type?, its almost sure thats because the truth is YES HE IS. :wink:
 
#7
thats exactly how i feel in those types of situations
like its a dream and im half asleep...
since i was a kid everythime i would be in such situation,
i would think in my head that this was all a dream and one day i would wake up to be a dinosaur and realizing humans and socializing was all just in my dream.
 

Social_Moth

Active member
#8
IcarusUnderWater2 said:
So i went to my opticians a few months back and this girl behind the till was chatting about me to her colleagues who were behind me as i was standing at the desk waiting for something. I cant say for definite... but when i looked up she was miming the words "no way!"... so her friends obviously said something like 'is he your type?' behind my back.... she looked guilty aswell when i looked at her.

Today, i walk in and it turns out an old friend from college has started working there. When i saw her at the desk i was in two minds as to whether i should run away or not... but i was already exposed so i had to go with it.

So i was like 'hey how are you doing? i need some lenses please'. So it turns out the other girl (mime girl) was working with her on the desk and as she looked up it was like she recognised me and gave me this big smile. Of course i smiled back but i felt offended... it was like she had remembered me because she took the piss out of me last time.

anyways, i had no idea what to say to my old friend. She is really flirty and she was smiling alot... but i just felt like i wasnt really there. I felt like i was half asleep and i was sort of pretending the whole situation wasn't really happening. I have no energy and it takes a massive effort for me to do anything.

So she starts asking me things like 'what have you been upto' and i asked her the same... but my answers were just boring like 'oh really'..'oh cool'. She tried to make convo with me 3 or 4 times and she just gave up in the end i think. At one point she said 'your hair has gotten really long at the back' and all i said was 'yeah' and fell back in to my trance.

It felt awful. We used to fancy each other big time and today it was like she realised how dull i was.

So then the other girl came back with my lenses and i paid... and i was like 'thanks, bye sam'... and as i was walking away my legs were stiffening up, i was walking too fast aswell... i musta looked like a total loooooooooooser lol
Dude, what?! You're totally over-exaggerating/feeling bad over nothing, man. I'm sure you did fine. Maybe you're just not into bullshitting/talking yourself up. Modest and honest people like you make the world a better place.

Whatever you do, don't change man. I like your style.
 

tpdarlo

Well-known member
#9
Don't worry about it. Reflecting too much on social situations is the main problem with SA sufferers. Just try to forget about it, I know that is hard - I run and rerun social scenarios through my head all time, but that's what is causing the problem. Try and think of one positive thing you did in that situation, and try and memorise that, try and focus on that. Or, try to think that her impression of you wasn't that you have SA, but that something was bothering you or that you were tired. She's probably thinking - well it was nice to see him, he seemed like his mind was on something, maybe he's really busy with work.
 

noblame4

Well-known member
#10
Dont get down man, maybe they were talking about you. But the question is, what were they saying? Here, Ill tell you.
You turn your back and one of the girls says to no-way-girl, "Hey, that dude's a fox, huh?" and no-way-girl says, "Hell, yea! I'd bill his insurance anytime!" and other girl says, "Oh yea? Well why dont ya just go jump his bones right in front of the frames showcase, then?!" and no-way-girl says, "No way!" and you turn around and look at her and she looks guilty because she is BUSTED!!

Because that's how that happens.
 

Darkened

Active member
#11
Something similar happened to me years ago.

It was my driving license exam day. There were like 10 other persons to take the exam and one of them I recognised immediately: it was one of my best friends back in our 5 and 6th grade. We always shared the same route to our homes and we usually shared candies. Because we have the same " First name", at school we shared the table all the time. So at the end of the day, going home, everyday he used to buy candies and he always shared with me , even I never asked. I rarely buyed, but when I did I shared too, of course.
Remembering now, he was one of the best persons I've met in my life.

But at the 7th grade/year (school), he had to change schools and I never saw him again...

... until that day at the exam day. I was 19. We had to share the exam car, it was a weird coincidence.
But then, before the exam I saw him but I didn't tell anything, because I didn't know if he remebered.
Then our instructor said:
- "Look, the two of you have de same first name." :)
and we both said:
- "Yes, I think we were at the same class when we were young..."

He remembered well and that broke the ice a little bit. But we had to start the exams.

After the exam, we were both leaving the driving school and he told me:
- "Hey, want go drink something, to celebate... ?" (It was just something at the coffee shop, not to get drunk, it was morning and he was also a little shy)
I didn't even think about it, I got nervous and just automatically replied:
- "... hm, I can't, I have to go home..."
- "You sure...?"
- "... yeah..."

1 minute later we were heading separate ways and I was feeling completely pathetic once again in my life. :x I was 19, I had nothing to do at home at all. :? I don't go out, I don't drink, and I don't know how to talk to people. so at that time I just entered in some stupid "go home trance" and refused a simple invite to just drink something (even a juice or water) and maybe have a conversation to talk about the past or something. Just the simple fact of entering a coffee shop freaked me out.
He was really a nice guy and a good old school buddy. Even today I regret that day. :roll:
 

dan_e

Well-known member
#12
Just the simple fact of entering a coffee shop freaked me out.
He was really a nice guy...Even today I regret that day
God thats brutal. That's what always ends up happening to me. I desperately want to go somewhere, then someone finally asks and I get all freaked out and say no. Its the worst feeling.
 
#15
I've had some awkward moments running into old friends too so you are not alone. A few years ago I went completely backwards in life and was unemployed and living with my parents. I ran into a girl from high school who I hadn't seen in many years and she wanted to give me her phone number. It had been so long since I'd entered a number into my phone that I got nervous and fumbled around trying to figure out how to do it. Sweat poured down my face and finally...after a very LONG time I got her number into my phone. She stood there staring at me as if I were nuts...which I knew was not a good sign. I called her and left messages for her a few times, but never heard back from her. And this was someone who had initially shown interest in me. Go figure.

Then maybe a year or so after that, I was still in the same situation of being out of work and living with my parents when I ran into an old friend I used to hang out with a lot. He always bragged about how much money he would make, and made fun of me that my plans would never amount to anything. He told me all about his great job where he was making lots of money, his big house, his wife and three kids, etc. and when it was my turn to tell him about what I was up to I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I have no recollection of what I said, but I know I sweat, stammered and said nonsensical, awkward sounding things. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself that I wished I'd never run into him...which I did again about 10 minutes later and had another awkward moment.

And one more story that comes from that same time period...I was helping my sister move and was nervous about interacting with her friends and neighbors who were also helping load things into the moving van. One of her neighbors, a very loud and outspoken person came up and asked me who I was. Once again I had a complete melt down and instead of saying I was her brother I said I was her sister. I was so nervous I had no idea what I was saying and everything came out totally wrong. He just laughed at me and said he wanted some of whatever I was taking. I regretted ever being born.
 

CPA23

Well-known member
#16
I can totally relate to this. When someone asks me to go somewhere, I always make up some kind of lame excuse, knowing full well that I have absolutely nothing else to do. This sucks sooooooooo bad. On one hand, I am complaining about not having friends and being lonely and then when someone asks me to go somewhere, I always chicken out. It is a horrible, horrible feeling and I feel that there is no way out sometimes!!
 
#17
I feel exactly like this in almost any conversation. Don't have anything interesting to say or ask and most of the time I just ain't with it. Hell I cant even hear what the other person says in a conversation because im too self conscious. I know its not a physical problem with my ear. At home, talking with family, listening to music, talking to friends, I can hear fine, but as soon as I talk to someone who I dont know or I feel nervous around, it is difficult
I'm glad it's not just me! I worry sometimes that maybe I'm just stupid but I am able to pay attention in school or with people I know well. In groups I just give up and I think other people just assume that I am stupid.
 
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