Breaking through the 'acquaintance' barrier! Anybody had any luck?

[onecellinthesea]

Thanks everybody for your input. I am in uni and have stuck it out this time (I tried two other courses and left after a couple of months) and I'm nearly done. There are only 8 of us on my year course and they are all fantastic people.

I am less anxious, I am less nervous and less shy due to SA getting better but I still cannot become close with anyone. part of the reason is that I'm not very good at physical contact with others. I try to be aware of my body language but I must give off the 'feeling' that I'm not comfortable with anyone being near me and I think it makes people a bit wary.

My strategies (pretending to be open and comfortable and trying to say the things that I think I should when I wouldn't naturally) are not working.
I don't think I need medication, I need to get to the root cause with counselling and more CBT, specifically for trust issues and fear of rejection.

Is this how you feel awkwardamanda, Barrier & lurknomore? Or is there something else holding you back?

 

[Barrier]

I don't really know what it is. I am not aware of how I come across. It is something I would really want to know. I do know I don't want to claim people nor be claimed, so maybe that has something to do with it? I am still very puzzled by it and it makes everything so much harder. I have been phased out a couple of times and it has gotten to me.

I am glad you made this thread, onecellinthesea.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I've had a bit of luck. It mostly had to do with compatibility in temperament, intelligence, and willingness to contribute rather than doing specific things; interestingly enough, having common interests isn't as important as I previously thought. The bigger challenge for me is maintaining the relationship -- perhaps the importance of the common interests is more applicable here.

I think this is why I eventually grow apart from any friends I do make. I've never really clicked with anybody. I have a few distant friends. I just haven't met anyone I've had enough in common with to keep the friendship going. I think I just run out of things to talk about sometimes. I have one online friend that I get along with quite well. We have a lot in common and we think alike. I would like to have one or two real life friends like this. But it isn't likely that I'll ever meet people like me. People like me are probably sitting at home alone, in front of their computers. They aren't likely to be out socializing much.

Is this how you feel awkwardamanda, Barrier & lurknomore? Or is there something else holding you back?

Is what how I feel? Sorry, I'm not quite sure what you're asking.