breaking promises and lying because of SA

[cloudy]

Hi everyone,

I am an only child and live with my mum. This year has been my first year at uni, and it's been very difficult. It's actually gotten harder as the year progressed, as I got to know more people, because my anxiety is worse with people I know.

So yesterday, at my church, there was a dinner after the service. I only really know 1 person there because I changed to this church 3 weeks ago. It is much larger than my previous one. I found the dinner very stressful socially, as you can relate to. I felt like I didn't make sense when I spoke, and that I was making people feel so awkward that they just wanted to leave. I just don't know how to interact anymore. I felt quite inferior afterwards. My mum is very supportive of me, and she always asks how I am feeling, but I always say 'fine', because I am sick of complaining about my problems.

Today I am supposed to have uni. There is a lecture in the morning and a lunch with my christian small group. However after last night, I just feel like I need a break, because it really is a daily battle, and it takes it's toll. My main concern is that I feel guilty, because I promised my mum I would go today, because she wants me to just face my fears and talk positive thoughts to myself. I've also lied before about turning up so I didn't have to go through an arguement. But as we all know, it just isn't that simple. She doesn't understand how hard it is, and she never will. I don't know how to explain it to her..I just needed some relief today. I know that I would just beat myself up for not talking or saying something dumb.

I'm sure people can relate to this avoidance. I'd appreciate sharing how you've handled your own situations. My mum is a great person and means well, so it feels awful to break my promise.

Thanks guys

 

[Kinetik]

Yeah I definitely know what you're saying. I used to make up the most outrageous stories to get out of university lectures. Once I claimed I had to be taken to a certain hospital in the area. Of course, the professor wanted some sort of proof, and I was in a bit of a bind. I asked my girlfriend at the time to grab some stationary from the hospital as a memoir since her sister had just had a baby there. Then I faked a surgeon's letter on that hospital paper and handed it to the lecturer. It worked, but it would've been so much easier to go to class. I hate that everything becomes so stupidly complicated as a result of all the ducking and diving you have to do with SA. It's like a Benny Hill sketch sometimes.

 

[Richey]

i can empathise with you...i dont think they are harmful lies, ive noticed that occasioanlly when im out ad dinner ive just made a story up to break the silence because i couldnt think of anythng to say and ive fallen flat on my back because it wasnt exactly convincing, the anxiety was so intense that i lost all control and had a moment of madness .... made up a story of going somewhere on the weekend when i didnt and they continued to ask questions about it, so i wasnt exactly convincing, i dont do that anymore because i just dont care now, if people are going to judge you purely based on whether you went on a drinking spree for a few hours or went to see a film then they arnt worth knowing anyway right?..so now if people ask and i did nothing, i just TALK it up and say, just say i played my guitar or watched a movie then ill talk about the movie or ill describe the song i played on guitar....i think it all depends on how you project your description of how you spend your time

if you just say "i didnt do anything" ....the response you get is something like ...... "Oh how exciting" *sarcastically*

however all you need to do is describe anything you were up to with enthusiasm..just say you didnt go anywhere but you read a book or watched a tv show, worked on a project, then with enthusiasm focus on conversing with that person about what your thoughts are on it,

you would be surprised how many non SA'ers live boring life styles, they could be stuck in a job they despise or a job they love...they arnt perfect are they? ..nobody is perfect,

Non SAers are essentially the same as a person who has anxiety ...they may not be socially perfect either, the human psyche is complex but most people arnt that different from each other, everyone has potential to be the person they want to be, ive found that if your just honest and speak your mind that people will respect you more in the long run rather then if you sugar coat your opinions too please those who think they are an authority figure type personality

ive tried to be more honest since then and its worked although sometimes if i just cant face a day at Uni then i do make up a story because if i was completely honest then it just never works out, particularly in my family, *strict parents, willing to throw me out if i screw up* ...they arnt very supportive at all .....so its almost like a trap in a way, if i could afford to move out i would, but thats not the case right now