Born avoidant?

[A86]

I strongly believe that there is a genetic or developmental component to my avoidant personality. I suspect there is some hormone/messenger molecule/neurotransmitter that is present in different amounts or functioning differently in my body than most people. Most children had this instinctive ability to form groups that I never developed. I would not interact with people unless they took the initiative to speak to me first. I've always been hypersensitive to criticism. I find recalling embarrassing memories almost unbearable, to the point where I force myself to squelch any thoughts of them. Of course, my upbringing contributed to developing an avoidant personality, but I think my biology left me predisposed to develop the disorder. I hope that one day genetic screening becomes affordable enough that links between biology and avoidant personality can be explored.

However, I realize that the human brain has the ability to see patterns and make connections that don't necessarily exist. What I believe is based only on my intuition. I have seen some people with deeply ingrained beliefs that were completely wrong, which makes me less certain about what I believe.

I second this.

 

[positivechange]

I second this.

Thanks, it's helpful knowing that someone shares similar thinking. But at least one expert disagrees!

Here is an excerpt from the book Distancing: Avoidant Personality Disorder by Martin Kantor:

If they do reveal the intimacies of their avoidance, they make excuses for them and for themselves. They often do this by blaming their biology, not their psychology, closing off an in-depth discussion of psychological factors with a statement like, “It’s inherited, I was born this way,” or “It’s my chemical imbalance.” Thera- pists often share the view of avoidance as purely biological. Pharmaceu- tical companies, for obvious reasons, successfully convince therapists that a chemical imbalance is the main cause of Social Phobia. Therapists arrive at the same conclusion on their own, though via a different route: a form of von Domarus or “similar-things-are-the-same” illogical thinking where they equate two things with each other because of their resemblance to a third thing. Some therapists think specifically, “Biological processes are bereft of psychic representations; avoidants are often silent about the psy- chology of their avoidance; therefore avoidance is a biological process.”

 

[hoddesdon]

I tried to avoid birth, but my mother insisted.

 

[Shant]

Not in the slightest, really. As a child, I had notable signs of ADHD, and perhaps even a symptom or two from Asperger's. Granted I didn't learn many social skills from being secluded for the first five years of my life, I was hyperactive and wasn't socially graceful.

So I got bullied quite a bit for that. Coupled with a verbally abusive father with anger issues and an overprotective mother, I can see some reasons for avoidance. The bullying didn't help, either.

 

[cosmosis]

I have somewhat of a similar history. I think fear and rejection is just one side of why we may be avoidant. The other side is if you simply lack the joy or desire to be social. If there's no strong reason for you to want to be friends or a part of something, then you will simply avoid - even though you don't really fear the situation. If you have a history of subdued hormones, that could be one reason. If you feel a little different to others around you, then that's another reason. If you were taught strict reponsibility to others instead of yourself (like being the eldest child), then that's another reason. In other words if you were taught that its more important to help or care about others, then to simply let yourself enjoy everything yourself, then that's a strong reason to become avoidant due to lack of desire or joy. The sad thing is I think for many of us, it probably starts with simply a lack of desire for whatever reason, but later turns into pain, rejection, fear and sadness when we realize how isolated and different we are.

 

[TailsAlone]

Not in the slightest, really. As a child, I had notable signs of ADHD, and perhaps even a symptom or two from Asperger's. Granted I didn't learn many social skills from being secluded for the first five years of my life, I was hyperactive and wasn't socially graceful.

So I got bullied quite a bit for that. Coupled with a verbally abusive father with anger issues and an overprotective mother, I can see some reasons for avoidance. The bullying didn't help, either.

Oh wow, Shant. This is almost my life's story, minus the five-year seclusion. Same behavior issues as a little kid that later developed into AvPD, same kind of father and mother, same bullying. We could be siblings.

I also do not blame my condition on genetics, and the idea is honestly a hard sell for me. I'm not keen on this modern trend of excusing all sorts of disorders and addictions because of genes. But I guess predispositions like that are possible, and it would explain why both my parents are conflicted introverts with issues of their own.

 

[Barrier]

I was shy as a kid. I don't know if that could have anything to do with it.

 

[CaptainArgh]

Reviving old threads for the win!

I think genetics plays a role. Perhaps someone isn't necessarily born with SA or AvPD, but they might be born with a pre-disposition to mental illness or anxiety.
From what I've been told, genetics and the way our brains are wired since birth (and how our brain develops afterwards) greatly affects our personality.

Agreed, Flowers of Bloom.

I tried to avoid birth, but my mother insisted.

This made me laugh histerically

I actually remember my first ever concious decision, when I was confronted in a playground at kindergarden. I don't have that great a memory - it just stuck with me and I have thought about it a lot over the years, so it's still familiar. I was confronted, and I avoided the situation entirely by being ridiculously silly. Fight or flight in a four year old - some things are hardwired.

I reckon we have a disposition but due to the environment we learned the behaviour as a self defense mechanism. My whole life I have avoided social situations, I can see as an adult where I got that from - my parents - they werent able to resolve conflict due to my dad putting things in the "too hard" basket continuously, and my mother over-dramatizing completely everything so far into next week that any and all real or imagined conflicts become a source of anxiety - as a kid, who enjoys anxiety? It became avoided and avoidant. My parents never, ever, ever taught me that conflict is actually a natural process, and one which is necessary to development and growth.