Blankness!

[Anonymous]

Hi! I would really appreciate some help here, let me explain my situation. I am 19 years old, and I just went to uni. The good thing is, the first week of uni really helped me because I introduced myself to dozens of people during the socials, new flat mates, new classmates, new everyone, and I was really able to start with a clean slate.

Now I am part of a 'circle' of friends, the people I am going to live with in a house next year, and everything is mostly good. But my problem is that, in situations where there are a lot of people around (all of them I know on some level), like a club social at a bar or actually on a club activity, I find it really hard to think of something to say! It's not that I am afraid of starting or participating in a group conversation, it's just that my mind goes blank. (This point is usually reached after the obvious pleasantries are exhausted, such as "How's uni going? Weather's good/bad, had many lectures today?" etc ...) This often means I rely on others to start a conversation and I would then comment on the subject, but if the conversation dies for some reason, it would rarely be me that strikes it up again, or me that changes the conversation onto a new subject.

This blankness also happens during one-to-one situations, which sometimes ends up with me standing on my own. The problem becomes somewhat relieved with copious amounts of drink! (But not always). I think basically I need general conversation tips, and advice on how to overcome this "blankness" (I often find the same thought rolling around my head: "What shall I say! Got to say something!!") and I would really appreciate it if someone recommended a good self-help book (which I have looked at on amazon but they seem to get very mixed reviews!)

Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thankyou.

 

[Anonymous]

read "how to talk to anyone" its really cool.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi! I would really appreciate some help here, let me explain my situation. I am 19 years old, and I just went to uni. The good thing is, the first week of uni really helped me because I introduced myself to dozens of people during the socials, new flat mates, new classmates, new everyone, and I was really able to start with a clean slate.

Now I am part of a 'circle' of friends, the people I am going to live with in a house next year, and everything is mostly good. But my problem is that, in situations where there are a lot of people around (all of them I know on some level), like a club social at a bar or actually on a club activity, I find it really hard to think of something to say! It's not that I am afraid of starting or participating in a group conversation, it's just that my mind goes blank. (This point is usually reached after the obvious pleasantries are exhausted, such as "How's uni going? Weather's good/bad, had many lectures today?" etc ...) This often means I rely on others to start a conversation and I would then comment on the subject, but if the conversation dies for some reason, it would rarely be me that strikes it up again, or me that changes the conversation onto a new subject.

This blankness also happens during one-to-one situations, which sometimes ends up with me standing on my own. The problem becomes somewhat relieved with copious amounts of drink! (But not always). I think basically I need general conversation tips, and advice on how to overcome this "blankness" (I often find the same thought rolling around my head: "What shall I say! Got to say something!!") and I would really appreciate it if someone recommended a good self-help book (which I have looked at on amazon but they seem to get very mixed reviews!)

Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thankyou.

Hi I have the exact same problem.i have no problem at work,but when i'm out at night i have this problem.it's usually worse in one on one situations or talking to girls.i'm sure other people think i may be wierd or indeed wierd.it must be caused by anxiety and self confidence.have you had any success in finding a solution.it really sucks,it's one of the worst things about sa.if we could think on things to say,then it would reduce our anxiety by a huge amount.

 

[Anonymous]

oh and like you alcohol helps but not always.what i find is that sometimes it makes me relaxed and i can then function ok,but other times i never stop being anxious,no matter how much i have.i think it has to do with how comfortable a situation it is.if i'm with someone i feel comfortable with then it works.

 

[Anonymous]

Hey, (Im the topic starter btw), I started reading that book, and also the classic "How to win friends and influence people", and I think it's helping (though it's early days yet of course). I found a really helpful tip, buy a notebook and have a page for each of your friends. Under their names write a list of all things they are interested in, and then before you go out read through all the lists for the friends you are likely to see that night. Then there should be no problem with thinking of things to say! But this doesn't help with general chit-chat small talk unfortunately.

 

[black_mamba]

I have the same problem.

Whats worse is my partner is amazing at filling in the voids in akward conversations. He can come up with some pretty witty stuff really quickly, and it makes me feel like a dumb hippo by comparison.

Sometimes I'm desperately wanting to say something to a particular person, just for a little companionship, but can't think of anything interesting to say.

Hi! I would really appreciate some help here, let me explain my situation. I am 19 years old, and I just went to uni. The good thing is, the first week of uni really helped me because I introduced myself to dozens of people during the socials, new flat mates, new classmates, new everyone, and I was really able to start with a clean slate.

Hmm you sound British (!), what uni are you at?

 

[smiley]

hi. I can't keep conversations going either. I've read the usual advise in books about talking to people about themselves but it makes me feel stupid asking those obvious questions!
I've tried remembering little things people tell me about themselves but it doesn't really follow on to anything exciting. It never feels like fun and I always feel the other person cant wait to get away from me and talk to somebody normal.
I'm terrified of talking to new people and having them realise i've nothing interesting to say- so i try not to meet new people. Every new person will always feel the same as the last. If i go out on the weekend (I only feel ok when i'm with my bf, how pathetic!) i try and make myself talk to people he knows. I can chat for a bit and when it goes silent i panic. I can't think of what to say next and i start stumbling over my words and everything comes out backwards. I start getting shaky aswell. Does anyone get this?
My bf is still friends with a lot of the same people we've known for 8 years. He's pretty confident and doesn't really understand my fears. He thinks they like me cause they say i'm nice. I hate that word, surely it means she's ok but has no personality.

 

[smiley]

hi. I can't keep conversations going either. I've read the usual advise in books about talking to people about themselves but it makes me feel stupid asking those obvious questions!
I've tried remembering little things people tell me about themselves but it doesn't really follow on to anything exciting. It never feels like fun and I always feel the other person cant wait to get away from me and talk to somebody normal.
I'm terrified of talking to new people and having them realise i've nothing interesting to say- so i try not to meet new people. Every new person will always feel the same as the last. If i go out on the weekend (I only feel ok when i'm with my bf, how pathetic!) i try and make myself talk to people he knows. I can chat for a bit and when it goes silent i panic. I can't think of what to say next and i start stumbling over my words and everything comes out backwards. I start getting shaky aswell. Does anyone get this?
My bf is still friends with a lot of the same people we've known for 8 years. He's pretty confident and doesn't really understand my fears. He thinks they like me cause they say i'm nice. I hate that word, surely it means she's ok but has no personality.

 

[smiley]

ooops, sorry about the doube post

 

[Ahmed]

ooops, sorry about the doube post

I have the same problem as you do. I cant maintain a conversation. actually, i was never a talking kind of person. I had never realized that this is not normal until i went into college. People had lots of friends, social life, and i had very few friends, whom i rarely even talk to. This is when i started to isolate from people. I hate this feeling. My sister always tells me, if you think you're sick, look on the internet and see if you find anything similar to your symptoms. I have searched alo in the beginning and couldnt find anything similar, so i got more depressed. NO ONE is LIKE ME IN THE WORLD. Then i finally found some things about social phobia, and SAD, and AAD, lots of disorders. And i said, i must have a bunch of those, im really messed up. I cannot read book. Well, i can read, but i lose concentration alot. so i give up fast. I have troubles concentrating, and calculating in my head.
I have tried medicines, cipralex for a month so far, it made my anxiety down. But i'm beginning to feel that that is not the problem. Cause when i was little i had no anxiety and i still couldnt maintain conversations.

Thats all i have to say. If anyone feels the same, contact me on my msn. i love to chat, its the best thing im good at.

 

[SuicidalChick]

I always blank out when anxious and its totally embarassing. Its also hard for me when i see people interact naturally with each other,why cant i be normal?