Thelostone
Member
the music was blasting as I sang along to old classic rock bands i had burnt ona CD from over a year ago. I was feeling pretty damn good and reached for the shaving gel to begin to shave my legs. Once i was done, instantly, i got annoyed, I dont really remember why at this point but i was SO annoyed.I ended up pacing around my house and screaming at my mom
"Why don't you ever look at me when i talk to you?" She shrieked at me
"BECAUSE IM UGLY AND AKWARD AND ANXIOUS THATS ****ING WHY." RAGE had consumed me as i stormed down into the basement to light a cigarette.
I hear her stomping around upstairs towards to basement door,
"YOU LIVE IN YOU'RE OWN LITTLE WORLD YOU AREN'T ANY OF THOSE THINGS"
"LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU GO AWAAAAAAY!" i screamed so loud that my throat was soar from it and my head pounding. she left halfway through my lalalala fit.
I lit my cigarette and took a few angry puffs. Inhaling and exhailng so intesly i thought i might swallow the whole damn thing. My friends are trying to call me, i had been texting them telling them i hated life and wanted to die.god i hate doing this to them, i know im not really going to kill myself because i was REALLY going to i wouldnt tell ANYONE. that would ruin the who;le purpose. Tears formed in my eyes but for some reason i just couldn't cry. I felt the tearsbehind my eyes wanting to escape but they wouldn't. or couldn't?
Death. yes, death would be nice right about now.
I walked up to my room and realized i had some Ativans, so i took 2 in hopes of calming down. I layed down on my mothers bed for what seemed like a life time and screamed into her pillow. This made me feel a little better but let's face it, Not to damn much. Eventually i start to feel calmer and more relaxed. I took some more ativan, not really sure why. I'ts all kind of a blurr honestly...
I layed down and watched t.v. laughed hysterically at it and called friends and laughed with them.
and then, my father arrived home and my mom started yelling at him and BAM,. another trigger. I am instantly suicidal. I go into my room and start writing a suicide note, but i am high off pills so its a very ****ty one. After i write i feel better. and decide i do not want to die. I decide i want a cigarette.
and so now here i am, just took 2 more ativan, feeling very strange, but not suicidal anymore..I am very confused about the happenings of today it all seems a weird blurr now O_______O
I just got put on lamictal a month ago, 100 MG and prozac25 MG for anxiety.
anyone else experience like.. lost time? or not remembering exactly when things happend idk hwo to explain. mabye its just this damn ativan.
"Why don't you ever look at me when i talk to you?" She shrieked at me
"BECAUSE IM UGLY AND AKWARD AND ANXIOUS THATS ****ING WHY." RAGE had consumed me as i stormed down into the basement to light a cigarette.
I hear her stomping around upstairs towards to basement door,
"YOU LIVE IN YOU'RE OWN LITTLE WORLD YOU AREN'T ANY OF THOSE THINGS"
"LALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU GO AWAAAAAAY!" i screamed so loud that my throat was soar from it and my head pounding. she left halfway through my lalalala fit.
I lit my cigarette and took a few angry puffs. Inhaling and exhailng so intesly i thought i might swallow the whole damn thing. My friends are trying to call me, i had been texting them telling them i hated life and wanted to die.god i hate doing this to them, i know im not really going to kill myself because i was REALLY going to i wouldnt tell ANYONE. that would ruin the who;le purpose. Tears formed in my eyes but for some reason i just couldn't cry. I felt the tearsbehind my eyes wanting to escape but they wouldn't. or couldn't?
Death. yes, death would be nice right about now.
I walked up to my room and realized i had some Ativans, so i took 2 in hopes of calming down. I layed down on my mothers bed for what seemed like a life time and screamed into her pillow. This made me feel a little better but let's face it, Not to damn much. Eventually i start to feel calmer and more relaxed. I took some more ativan, not really sure why. I'ts all kind of a blurr honestly...
I layed down and watched t.v. laughed hysterically at it and called friends and laughed with them.
and then, my father arrived home and my mom started yelling at him and BAM,. another trigger. I am instantly suicidal. I go into my room and start writing a suicide note, but i am high off pills so its a very ****ty one. After i write i feel better. and decide i do not want to die. I decide i want a cigarette.
and so now here i am, just took 2 more ativan, feeling very strange, but not suicidal anymore..I am very confused about the happenings of today it all seems a weird blurr now O_______O
I just got put on lamictal a month ago, 100 MG and prozac25 MG for anxiety.
anyone else experience like.. lost time? or not remembering exactly when things happend idk hwo to explain. mabye its just this damn ativan.
