LadyWench
Well-known member
So, I got my blood drawn today. It was a very random and spontaneous thing. I've been putting it off for quite some time. It scares me. My psychiatrist has been after me for ages to get it done. I really didn't want to. I fear the pain, the blood (I can't stand the sight of my own blood) and the results. I go see my therapist and psychiatrist at the Counseling Center here, and they have a nurse there. She's tried drawing my blood on two different occasions. Both times were unsuccessful because my veins are small and deep.
A new female doctor came to town recently, and my therapist was able to get me in to see her. I was very grateful of this. I've had a very irregular menstrual cycle for as long as I can remember, so I wanted to talk to her about all of that and see what her suggestions/opinions were. My psychiatrist seems to think it could be hypothyroidism, or perhaps a hormonal imbalance. That's mainly why she wanted me to get my blood drawn. I've just been too scared to get it done since my veins collapsed both times when I tried it before.
Anyway. My therapist took me to my appointment today. I was expecting to just talk with the doctor, that's all. She was amazing, though. She of course wanted me to have my blood drawn. I figured she just meant get it done sometime soon. Maybe make me an appointment for it or something. But nope. She went and got their phlemotomist and they did right there in her office. I was freaking out, but everyone was just extremely supportive and amazing. I was shocked. And it was very odd for me to do something like this so spontaneously. But ANYWAY. On to my point...if I have one...
I've been convinced for years that my mother has borderline personality disorder. One of the main characteristics of it that she shows perfectly, is fear of abandonment. Also, extremely low self-esteem. When she got home earlier from babysitting my niece, she asked me how my appointment went. I surprised her by showing her the bandage, and she was very surprised. She said she was proud of me and happy for me and stuff, but then got randomly depressed and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I'm glad that she ruins exciting sh*t like this for me, and makes it about her. She ALWAYS does this. I kept asking her what was wrong and if she was mad at me. She'd just say she wasn't mad and that nothing was wrong. I knew she was lying.
I sat back down at the computer and a few minutes later, she said she was gonna go for a walk. I asked why, and she just said "because I need to." She came back a little bit later and said "if you really want to know what was bothering me, I'll tell you." I said okay. She basically told me that she's upset because I "obviously don't need her anymore." That's what she said. She's clearly jealous that my therapist went with me to this appointment, and she didn't. But I told her a week and a half ago that my therapist was going with me, and she seemed to be fine with it! Ugh. I just don't know what to do. She said that my (older) sister doesn't need her anymore either, except just to babysit. And she's like "I'm happy for you. I think this is a step in the right direction, but I guess you don't need me anymore. I'm no longer wanted."
WHAT THE F*CK! I'm so tired of this. I guess this thread is pointless, and I'm sorry it's so long and stupid. I'm just wanting some opinions or input...or just something. I don't know what exactly. What should I do? What should I think? She basically ruined my effing day. I was so excited. I was almost in tears from happiness because I finally did this. I'm terrified of the results, by the way. I'm scared they'll tell me I have diabetes or cancer or something. So, that's always fun. At least my doctor was awesome. I'm going to marry her, I swear. But yeah. Does anyone else have any experience with mothers (or fathers, perhaps. But females tend to be much more emotional and irrational) like this, or similar?
Thanks for reading. Again, I apologize that it's so lengthy.
A new female doctor came to town recently, and my therapist was able to get me in to see her. I was very grateful of this. I've had a very irregular menstrual cycle for as long as I can remember, so I wanted to talk to her about all of that and see what her suggestions/opinions were. My psychiatrist seems to think it could be hypothyroidism, or perhaps a hormonal imbalance. That's mainly why she wanted me to get my blood drawn. I've just been too scared to get it done since my veins collapsed both times when I tried it before.
Anyway. My therapist took me to my appointment today. I was expecting to just talk with the doctor, that's all. She was amazing, though. She of course wanted me to have my blood drawn. I figured she just meant get it done sometime soon. Maybe make me an appointment for it or something. But nope. She went and got their phlemotomist and they did right there in her office. I was freaking out, but everyone was just extremely supportive and amazing. I was shocked. And it was very odd for me to do something like this so spontaneously. But ANYWAY. On to my point...if I have one...
I've been convinced for years that my mother has borderline personality disorder. One of the main characteristics of it that she shows perfectly, is fear of abandonment. Also, extremely low self-esteem. When she got home earlier from babysitting my niece, she asked me how my appointment went. I surprised her by showing her the bandage, and she was very surprised. She said she was proud of me and happy for me and stuff, but then got randomly depressed and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I'm glad that she ruins exciting sh*t like this for me, and makes it about her. She ALWAYS does this. I kept asking her what was wrong and if she was mad at me. She'd just say she wasn't mad and that nothing was wrong. I knew she was lying.
I sat back down at the computer and a few minutes later, she said she was gonna go for a walk. I asked why, and she just said "because I need to." She came back a little bit later and said "if you really want to know what was bothering me, I'll tell you." I said okay. She basically told me that she's upset because I "obviously don't need her anymore." That's what she said. She's clearly jealous that my therapist went with me to this appointment, and she didn't. But I told her a week and a half ago that my therapist was going with me, and she seemed to be fine with it! Ugh. I just don't know what to do. She said that my (older) sister doesn't need her anymore either, except just to babysit. And she's like "I'm happy for you. I think this is a step in the right direction, but I guess you don't need me anymore. I'm no longer wanted."
WHAT THE F*CK! I'm so tired of this. I guess this thread is pointless, and I'm sorry it's so long and stupid. I'm just wanting some opinions or input...or just something. I don't know what exactly. What should I do? What should I think? She basically ruined my effing day. I was so excited. I was almost in tears from happiness because I finally did this. I'm terrified of the results, by the way. I'm scared they'll tell me I have diabetes or cancer or something. So, that's always fun. At least my doctor was awesome. I'm going to marry her, I swear. But yeah. Does anyone else have any experience with mothers (or fathers, perhaps. But females tend to be much more emotional and irrational) like this, or similar?
Thanks for reading. Again, I apologize that it's so lengthy.