I had a very bad spell of SA, and my agoraphobia flaring up about 3 months back, and my doctor prescribed me bromazepam. It was the first time I've ever taken meds for my anxiety, I've always been hesistant about it, but being in a new city, with a new job that I couldn't afford to lose cause I was too anxious to leave the house was just not acceptable for me. So I caved in and took the meds.
The first few weeks were awesome, it's like an anxiety-be-gone pill. With the anxiety gone I found out things about myself that I didn't see cause the anxiety was always clouding my mind and filling up all my thoughts - I did truly get closer to myself, also cause I opted for therapy too.
But there is a downside - I only took bromazepam for 2 months, but after 6 weeks I could feel my body becoming dependant on it. Eventhough I did not want to lose this feeling of being angst free, I knew that it wasn't a longterm solution, the solution is to feel like this
without drugs.
Also since bromazepam tends to 'numb' your feelings, I felt like I was functioning like a robot, I had feelings, but there was no authenticity in them, nothing seem to phaze me. When talking to my therapist about it, he urged me to get off the bromazepam, not only for the dependancy, but also cause psychotherapy doesn't really work that well when your feelings are being numbed out, you don't really reach the core of the problems.
Getting off the meds was terrible, but doable as I did not take them for longer than 2 months. Even then, the detoxing was physically hard. I took 6 mg over the course of a day (1.5 mg in the morning, 1.5 mg in the afternoon and 3 mg to sleep at night) during those 2 months. Together with my doctor we set up the schedule where I would half the dose each week, starting with only the 1.5 mg in the morning and afternoon, the week after only 1.5 mg in the morning, and the third week 1.5 mg every other day, 4th week only when I feel I needed it.
Obviously the first and foremost reaction to halving my dosage was insomnia - during the 3 weeks of halving the dosage I wasn't able to sleep in untill 5, or even 6 a.m. Which really is hard when you have to get up at 8.30 a.m. for work (and this was even later than usuall, as I told my boss I was going through this withdrawal period, and I had adjusted working hours because of it). I was almost going insane due to the insomnia - my brain felt like mush, couldn't concentrate, was dead tired and yet could not sleep in at nights. No matter how tired I was, no matter how much I tired myself with sports, I would lay in bed completely exhausted, praying for sleep, and after 30 mins of me shutting my eyes and dozing a bit, I would be awake...
Another thing that hit me like a sledgehammer was the muscle ache. Bromazepam also works as a muscle relaxant, so I had 2 joyous months where the anxiety was not cramping up my muscles (especially neck, shoulders, and head). But when I came into the second week of halving my dosage, I couldn't even lift my head up because the anxiety came back with a swing and was pounding on my neck and shoulder muscles with such a force, that I had to struggle to keep my head level for example. Since I was also not sleeping during that period, my body was a wreck. At some point the muscle ache was so bad that I went to a Thai massage place to book a 2 hour massage. I felt so sorry for the lady who had to work on those muscles, but it was a lifesaver. And trust me, it must be really bad when someone with SA and agoraphobia sees a massage (full body skin contact) with a stranger in a closed room as a lifesaver.
Into the fourth week, my body collapsed and I was sleeping 14 hours a day, since the 2-3 hour sleep regime for the weeks before that was just too much. One positive side about that - holy crap, I was dreaming again! Bromazepam also affects your REM sleep, which you need to sort your daily impressions. And I was having what they call rebound REM sleep, my brain was finally processing all the stuff that happened during the months that I was on bromazepam and barely dreaming.
Right now, I've been 'clean' for about 2.5 weeks now. The anxiety is back, yes, but it's not as crippling as it was before I took the meds. I did cave in a few days back when I was at work and felt a HUGE panic attack coming on, and slipped in 1.5 mg as I was trying to fight down the panic in a bathroom stall. I paid the price for that the next day - couldn't sleep in and had another 2 hour night of sleep.
All in all, I would recommend not to take them. They really are a 'cure it all' pill for anxiety, but the way they make you physically and psychologically dependant is astounding. I only took them 2 months, and the withdrawal period is still ongoing, well into a month now. They can be very helpfull in acute situations where the anxiety is completely crippling you due to some life changing event, but I wouldn't recommend long term use.
Sorry for the long read, I swear I didn't want to write that much initially
