Being "set up" by friends and family

[Rhizelle]

I am a 26 yr old female and have had a fairly non-existant love life. I live in a small town which I love, but it has only very limited opportunities to meet people.

One of my biggest problems with SA is having family and friends try to set me up with men who they think will be great for me. They all do this because they want me to get out and be happy, but it is the most terrifying thing I can think of. It really has pushed me backwards, because now every time anyone suggests a get-together of sorts I am instantly terrified there is the ulterior motive of having me meet someone and I make the regular excuses to avoid it.

I do want to meet someone and I know they are trying to help so I don't know whether to confront them about it. :?

 

[treffin]

Tell them not to invite you to places/set you up. Problem solved.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

match makers

OMG i though I was the only one who just have a hatred for the match makers of the world. Why do people think that they were like put on this earth just to hook people up.

It would n't be so bad if they would at lease ask if I wanted help. They just take it upon them self to chose for me. Its like they just want to see couples. Chemestry be dam. I might not have dates but I think Iknow what i like.

The worst part is I get so angry that I alwayse end up sabotageing any potental match ups. I am sure I have passed up some nice people but I get so angry at these people intruding into my space that I become combative and cold. Its like I direct my anger at the potential match up instead of the match makers. The match up might actualy be a nice person if I could get the chance to do it on my own at my own pace.

The best thing to do would be to curse them out and say no but theres a reason we are on this site. We dont have strong assertiveness skills.

 

[recluse]

I don't see why you should have to put up with harassment from other people who try to set you up. Don't people realise that no one like to be forced into things?!

 

[Richey]

the worst thing is when you feel forced to be apart of something that should be your rightful decision because it effects you personally and not them ...its your life and you have the right to say "no thanks, but thanks" without any guilt trips or consequences ..


next time make sure you say no and with force so they know that you would rather seek out a relationship on your own ..

and they dont know what sort of guy you'd like to date so its none of their business to intrude ..

 

[scorpion]

Its just horrible.
Its violente.
I hate wend it happens.
Makes me feel even more pathetic.

 

[CyclingSoPhob]

I'm a 37 year old guy and have pretty much put up with it from my family as well. When they first started suggesting it I was just totally embarrassed about the whole deal. My sister finally managed to sneak one on me and bring her coworker to my home under other circumstances with the intention to get me set up. Well it turned out I actually found the girl attractive and we share many of the same interests. I have been in contact with her ever since. We're actually planning on meeting for our first date this weekend. Who knows where this will go but I'm just going to let it play out to see what happens. I've got nothing to lose at this point in my life.

I'm sure females would probably find the set up deal very awkward and unappealing as the guy usually has the initiative. And in my case I did have an idea of what the girl looked like and her personality before actually being encouraged to make a move. Maybe in some situations it could be a good thing for a socially anxious person but I definitely can relate to everyone's thoughts on the subject.

 

[bleach]

Yeah, there's really no circumstance when it's alright to set someone up, in my opinion. For one thing, how are you going to know what someone else finds attractive? Also, the people who you wind up getting set up with always turn out to be just as bad, if not worse socially than you are. man is that awkward.

 

[Rhizelle]

Thank you,

Ha-ha, I am almost tempted to put out the rumour I am gay to slow them down, but then that would backfire somewhere along the way I'm sure.

Ah well.