Miserum
Well-known member
I've been analyzing here and there what it means to "be yourself." I think it means to not try so hard, as may already be evident to others. For me, trying hard has been trying to be an intellectual far too often, sounding smart or cool, or forcing topics, all in order to appease others or show them that I'm actually pretty "smart"... instead of letting the conversation flow and being tactfully uninhibited.
When it's the latter, idk, I feel like people like me more. When all my quirks are on display, even though I stutter more, and am more silly, and probably come off as a little less mature, and I talk too fast or too much, all the while committing more social faux pas' than if I were more my more reserved self, and eschewing deep topics. But when I act like this--see: my default state of being--it clashes with my image of what is "cool."
I've never been that "effortlessly cool" guy. I've always had to alter myself to be cool, or at least to be what I think is cool: strong, witty, cool-headed, confident in what I'm saying, doing, believing, knowing what I want from life, courageous in the face of danger and hard work. I see other people that do these effortlessly; it seems so simple to them. That's how I personally define cool. But for me, it takes effort to do any of it, and that inhibits who I truly am. How I see myself is not cool enough, though I strive to be cool, so I make alterations.
Maybe this idea of "cool" isn't any good though, since I've just stated that people tend to like me more when I don't try to be "cool" (under my definition of cool), and seem to embrace my silly quirks. At least it seems that way. Maybe people can just see through my tryhard alter ego. Man am I confused.
Please excuse my discombobulated rant.
When it's the latter, idk, I feel like people like me more. When all my quirks are on display, even though I stutter more, and am more silly, and probably come off as a little less mature, and I talk too fast or too much, all the while committing more social faux pas' than if I were more my more reserved self, and eschewing deep topics. But when I act like this--see: my default state of being--it clashes with my image of what is "cool."
I've never been that "effortlessly cool" guy. I've always had to alter myself to be cool, or at least to be what I think is cool: strong, witty, cool-headed, confident in what I'm saying, doing, believing, knowing what I want from life, courageous in the face of danger and hard work. I see other people that do these effortlessly; it seems so simple to them. That's how I personally define cool. But for me, it takes effort to do any of it, and that inhibits who I truly am. How I see myself is not cool enough, though I strive to be cool, so I make alterations.
Maybe this idea of "cool" isn't any good though, since I've just stated that people tend to like me more when I don't try to be "cool" (under my definition of cool), and seem to embrace my silly quirks. At least it seems that way. Maybe people can just see through my tryhard alter ego. Man am I confused.
Please excuse my discombobulated rant.
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