Been A While

[Tab]

Can't remember the last time I was on here, maybe a year ago or so. I just wanted to vent and have someone listen to what I have to say. I've been having a really ****ty last few months. I stopped taking my meds and I drink a hell of a lot. I'm constantly depressed. I have no motivation to finish university, I dropped out last fall. I stopped going because it was too emotionally stressful on me. The stupid thing is I only need 3 more courses for my degree. My mother made me start going to a psychologist with her and my dad. I haven't been to that in months either. My few friends I have, I don't hang out with them much any more, I'd rather be alone and drink. I hate my job I can't stand it. That's pretty much the only time I get out of the house.

It's been about a year since I came out to my family. Of course my mother spread it around so the whole family knows now. Last November was my first relationship and it was awesome. He broke up with me 3 days before Christmas, I thought I'd finally be able to be happy for the holidays, but who was I kidding. I was depressed and felt like such a loser. Then we got back together in February. I was so happy again, something I hadn't felt since the first time we dated. Then came March 31 and he texted me saying things weren't working out and it would be better to end it. I was so mad and upset. I was at work and I don't remember how i got through the day. He didn't even want to tell me face to face but I told him I'm coming when he is done work so we can talk. He said as long as its no more than 10 minutes because "I have other plans". So I met him and his excuse was he wasn't ready for commitment. The next day would have been 2 months we were back together. Since that day I have told him if he wants to we can get back together. His excuse is he's not ready for a relationship. Then last night I find out he just started seeing someone. So I'm so confused as to what the hell I did wrong. I'm sad, angry, mad, depressed. I haven't felt the same since March.

I don't go out at all. I met him online and I thought I was the luckiest guy cuz I found someone I liked. I don't think I'll ever be with someone again. It's too hard to meet people. Its even harder to get them to like me. I just wish I could stop caring. I should prob start up my meds again. I don't know, I'm just tired of how ****ty my life just keeps getting.

Thanks for reading this. I needed to get it off my chest. Doesn't really change much though.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

well babe, reading your first paragraph, it looks like a lot of those things that made your past few months sh!tty are all conscious decisions that you made... which means you can always reverse them. alcohol is a depressant, which means it doesn't really help anyone who is already depressed....

as far as your relationship... sometimes you just have to accept what has happened. you said that you 'don't know what you did wrong', you don't have to do anything wrong to end a relationship, sometimes it just doesn't work out because it's not supposed to. sometimes everyone just doesn't feel the same, and there's absolutely nothing that you can do about that... you just have to accept that it was one relationship that didn't work out, and keep your head up so you'll be ready for others... we've all been there, and you'll probably be there again.. i know your heartache, and i know it's tough and you're upset and depressed, but i also know if you keep moving forward, it gets easier with time, it has to.

 

[Tab]

Thanks for your reply I'm still not 100% over my last bf but I'm feeling a lot better. I'm going to my psychologist today (saturday). don't know what we will talk about. I haven't been to him since march. I'm sure I'll get some good advice.

 

[Fighter86]

I'm not sure what to say, except that I hope things get better for you. The thing about relationships is that they can be a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride, not a feeling I like best as well. When things are good, you are good and over the moon, than the next moment something bad happens, you pretty much feel down in the dumps. I hope all goes well with your therapist.