Back to nothing?

[lithium]

So, I have been fighting depression for the last 3 years or so. It's on and off. Some days I'll be fine, then others will be shit. But lately, it feels like I'm sinking back into this hole, known as depression. It seems to be sucking me back in. I know this for sure because I recognize the feeling. I feel apathetic and melancholy through out the day. When I think about doing something, going to the gym for example, I end up thinking that there is no point. Many of the things I do seem to have less meaning once again and it really brings me down. Even music does not seem to bring the same euphoria that it used to. I have a notion that part of this may be due to my discontinuation of marijuana usage. I recently got tested positive for it, and my parents got really upset about it. The thing is, that it helps me cope with my depression and anxiety. I didn't do it often, but occasionally. That is to say, I'm not a full blown pothead. But it helped me on some days when being sober just wasn't enough. I know the whole "drugs aren't the solution" bit; I have experimented with them and have come to that realization. I have cut down my marijuana usage significantly to once a week. But now that my parents found out about it, I can no longer do it anymore. Perhaps, this is only temporary. Just a withdrawl symptom. I guess I have to fight it. Just be strong and look ahead.

 

[Silvox Black]

Your observations are quiet astute. I applaud your courage and tenacity at being able to stop using those substances, if at least for a while. Yes, depression tends to go in rises and falls. I too experience the same feelings, thus you are not going through any sort of abnormal cycle. If you have the support of continuously understand friends, and perhaps therapy if the need arises, I have full faith you shall emerge better and stronger and very much alive.

 

[lithium]

Thing is, I don't think my friends are fully aware of my depression. They are to some degree; sometimes they say, "why do you look so sad", but I'll just reply that I am just tired. Sometimes it's true, I am just tired. But often I am just feeling down. I don't really want to let them know that I am depressed though. I don't want it to bring them down, or interfere with their good time. I've done that before, and it doesn't make the situation any better, just seems to kill it.