Falkor
1
I want to get a deeper insight on the view of how we produce the anxiety by our behaviour. I think that is causing the most of stress. So we should find a solution for this. If we can behave the other way around, we don't show people how we feel and so the judgement can not be forced.
A personal answer to Clown. I just needed to quote his words. and put this in a topic and want to ask YOU ALL if you can relate to this. Would mean a lot to me.
Wow. the same fear I have ALL DAY in college.. This is exactly the main thing in mind. I am so scared.. That I act like this, and more I feel afraid, more I act weird, so I get prisoned by my own behaviour. It's like compulsive action, tensed face, scared eyes and people might think I'm an alien by that. That's exactly what I think all time..... Terrifying.... :
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I think when I know how to act, like no facial expression of fear and anger,sadness I can just look confident, then I'm so much less afraid...
And also because of these thoughts I have those weird compulsive things like that I look extremely shocked, or depressed, upset like somebody died, and anger in my face that someone just hitted me for e.g (not for real) all comes from fear.. and then yup.. OCD returns and I will look upset so much that people look at me like, WTF? why is she looking like a girl whose terrified, there's no world disaster going on. But I always have this face....
So... I don't know how to Stop this...
Just imagine yourself sitting next to your favourite celebrity. And someone shoots a picture or films you. You don't even see the celebrity and the people filming you. and you are yawning mouth widely open (XD) and you are picking your nose, or are grabbing itch on your body or you are throwing up. This would be an embarrasing thing to think about, if the whole world would see you. This is exactly how I feel. It's a weird example, but If I have to sit in front of a person in the bus/train, I constantly think like, omg. he can see my face and acting. I'm so nervous. I can't just relax, I'm constantly in spot light (yep.. i hate it..) and I think, everybody can see me acting one seconde weird. I need to just sit there and be poker faced all time.. And I just CAN'T. So this is my stupid weird fear. I always need to put on a MASK. and before i went 16 I could always do that. I was the most confident girl (just pretented to, even was friends with the hottest guys and girls, and I always said I was doing fine, whilst I was always uncertain, but I always had this smile on my face, and looked good with everything, even though I was upset, NOBODY KNEW) when I was 16 I got more self concious and now I can't hide it annymore... I don't know what happened to me..
I just lost control of my own behaviour!!! I'm a weird clumsy girl now!! whyyy? I want to be like before 16 .XD
You know little children in the playground? They'd just scream and laugh funny and run around the sand. I would feel terrified doing that. So would all adults, but what is this?? How can I change this feel?
A guy from class he can even dance in a canteen... He smiled at me, and he is perfectly comfortable. even sings in bus.. HOW?!!
Also when people talk about fun, I'm like. and looking around like ooh god i don't know, i just look like I hate what their telling, and yup.. I look disgusted by their words. I'm so afraid of this that it actually happens.
Sometimes people asked me, why are you looking so disgusted or pissed off. While I was happy for em... Or even jealousy by gifts... I'm not jealous at all, it's just the fear of looking jealous, that people will get that impression and yup, i look stupid and weird and awkward when someone gets a gift..
Also when a song is playing, for example ''Skinny Love'' once at a store at the cashier I was standing and I was drowned so in the music that my eyes were crying, I wasn't even sad. It just got ME! The funny thing is that the cashier was very nice to me and even gave me 2 stuff for free. WTF. so it's also a good thing, but I still feel so stupid to him. He was nice though, maybe he understood me.
But yea, I can't even hear a sad song in front of somebody's eyes cuz i'm afraid of showing how much I get drowned in to the song.. I feel like my emotions are overwelming me and I get embarassed. Whilst music is my biggest love.
My emotions just are the boss over me.. I guess.
A personal answer to Clown. I just needed to quote his words. and put this in a topic and want to ask YOU ALL if you can relate to this. Would mean a lot to me.
Wow. the same fear I have ALL DAY in college.. This is exactly the main thing in mind. I am so scared.. That I act like this, and more I feel afraid, more I act weird, so I get prisoned by my own behaviour. It's like compulsive action, tensed face, scared eyes and people might think I'm an alien by that. That's exactly what I think all time..... Terrifying.... :
:I think when I know how to act, like no facial expression of fear and anger,sadness I can just look confident, then I'm so much less afraid...
And also because of these thoughts I have those weird compulsive things like that I look extremely shocked, or depressed, upset like somebody died, and anger in my face that someone just hitted me for e.g (not for real) all comes from fear.. and then yup.. OCD returns and I will look upset so much that people look at me like, WTF? why is she looking like a girl whose terrified, there's no world disaster going on. But I always have this face....
So... I don't know how to Stop this...
Just imagine yourself sitting next to your favourite celebrity. And someone shoots a picture or films you. You don't even see the celebrity and the people filming you. and you are yawning mouth widely open (XD) and you are picking your nose, or are grabbing itch on your body or you are throwing up. This would be an embarrasing thing to think about, if the whole world would see you. This is exactly how I feel. It's a weird example, but If I have to sit in front of a person in the bus/train, I constantly think like, omg. he can see my face and acting. I'm so nervous. I can't just relax, I'm constantly in spot light (yep.. i hate it..) and I think, everybody can see me acting one seconde weird. I need to just sit there and be poker faced all time.. And I just CAN'T. So this is my stupid weird fear. I always need to put on a MASK. and before i went 16 I could always do that. I was the most confident girl (just pretented to, even was friends with the hottest guys and girls, and I always said I was doing fine, whilst I was always uncertain, but I always had this smile on my face, and looked good with everything, even though I was upset, NOBODY KNEW) when I was 16 I got more self concious and now I can't hide it annymore... I don't know what happened to me..
I just lost control of my own behaviour!!! I'm a weird clumsy girl now!! whyyy? I want to be like before 16 .XD
You know little children in the playground? They'd just scream and laugh funny and run around the sand. I would feel terrified doing that. So would all adults, but what is this?? How can I change this feel?
A guy from class he can even dance in a canteen... He smiled at me, and he is perfectly comfortable. even sings in bus.. HOW?!!
Also when people talk about fun, I'm like.
and looking around like ooh god i don't know, i just look like I hate what their telling, and yup.. I look disgusted by their words. I'm so afraid of this that it actually happens.Sometimes people asked me, why are you looking so disgusted or pissed off. While I was happy for em... Or even jealousy by gifts... I'm not jealous at all, it's just the fear of looking jealous, that people will get that impression and yup, i look stupid and weird and awkward when someone gets a gift..
Also when a song is playing, for example ''Skinny Love'' once at a store at the cashier I was standing and I was drowned so in the music that my eyes were crying, I wasn't even sad. It just got ME! The funny thing is that the cashier was very nice to me and even gave me 2 stuff for free. WTF. so it's also a good thing, but I still feel so stupid to him. He was nice though, maybe he understood me.
But yea, I can't even hear a sad song in front of somebody's eyes cuz i'm afraid of showing how much I get drowned in to the song.. I feel like my emotions are overwelming me and I get embarassed. Whilst music is my biggest love.
My emotions just are the boss over me.. I guess.
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