Avoiding people

[Falkor]

Does anyone's ocd make them think they will drive people away??

yeah, i think people will get tired of my avoidance :/
or tired of my worries, cuz i'm such a worryhead

 

[your.desired.username]

I use the term 'best friend' a little more loosely than most do. This person was the friend I got along with the most in high school. We were/are introverts with a lot of similarities and enjoyed talking to each other, but we didn't have sleepovers or 3 hour gab fests on the phone. Though she doesn't have SA, she shares a lot of my anti-social tendencies, which made us a perfect match. She moved away for school and then to a different state for work. We have naturally grown apart over the last 5 years, sharing texts and emails a couple times a week. But I still consider her my best friend. If I were to be truthful, I would say that I don't really have a best friend. The only way I communicate with old school friends is through Facebook and texting. I keep everyone at a safe, impersonal distance. Naturally, most have given up on inviting me to events; why keep inviting someone who is just gonna brush you off?

What I'm trying (very badly) to say is that I understand what you are feeling. I have a hard time letting people get close to me on any kind of level. I'm always afraid they are going to abruptly decide that I'm not worth their time and never come back. So I protect myself by keeping my distance - if anyone is going to abruptly leave, it is going to be me first. And that kind of thought process doesn't work well with making and keeping friends.

If people do invite you out, I'm willing to bet money that they enjoy spending time with you. I don't like to give advice because each situation is different, but I can give you my experiences. I actually told this friend that hanging out with her and my other friends still makes me nervous to this day, even after 10+ years of friendship. She really responded to this statement and I think she had a better idea of where I was coming from. Of course I trusted her enough to know that she wouldn't react badly to what I had to say. I haven't told my other friends this, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they have drawn a similar conclusion all by themselves.

What I have taken the last three paragraphs to beat around the bush to say is that yes, I do think people don't ask you to do things often because you don't let them get too close. But you are hardly the only person on here who does that. I'd say let them in a little if you feel they are worth it, but I know that is easier said than done. But friends are just going to crawl out of the woodwork for you. An effort on your part is going to be needed. How much of an effort is entirely up to you.

Hopefully I was able to help you in some way, otherwise you just spent the last 5 minutes reading my jibber jabber.

Thank you, and I actually found this quite encouraging. It's nice to know that others have similar thoughts and viewpoints. I guess small steps are key.