at war with myself

[Ladystardust]

I do not know if this happens to others but i feel like i am fighting with myself a lot of the time. There is part of me that really does not want anything to do with people and wants to be alone. The other part wants to do things and be with people but is often over powered by the isolationist me.
There are times when i really anjoy being alone but sometimes i can be alone too much. When i go to my christian meetings it is hard as i find it really difficult in a hall full of happy chatty persons. So i isolate myself in another room i look throught the glass partiton and part of me feels real revulsion at the sight of people. The other side feels lost and cut off and does not know what to do to change things. Today i have spoken to no one at all apart from my dentist and that was about my treatment. I feel very frustrated with myself and others and a times i could smash things except as i live alone i would have to clean up the mess.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Yep.

______

 

[planemo]

Yeah, I know the feeling. When your by yourself, it's safe, you aren't risking any embarrassment or unpleasant situations. When you're alone none of your what if situations can come true. You also can't reap the benefits you can get by interacting with people either though, which is why you'd want to interact to begin with. Staying at home is the safe bet, nothing bad can happen. But taking that risk could potentially bring you something you want that you can't get taking the safe bet.

That's well said - no risk, no reward. I guess I also have a battle of wills happening in my mind. The safety first, train of thought almost always wins unless I feel so good, that I'm willing to take that chance of experiencing more.

 

[Beatrice]

Yes, yes, and yes. Feel the same way.