Asking someone out as a friend

[aj]

Every day I think about telling people that I want to be friends with them - over the internet when I come home, because then I could explain it properly. But how do you do it? How do you put it? Is it even a good or worthwhile idea?

These are people who I see every day. Not just anyone. I want to be friends with them instead of just saying "hi" and work-related stuff. I've chatted with them a bit, but it never seems to do much. They know I'm really shy (couldn't really hide that!), I've actally had those words said to me, in a nice way.

I don't know what I expect to get from saying it. Obviously I know you can't measure friendship, you can't just say "we're friends" and then, bang, you're friends. It needs to be built on something. So if you were going to be friends with them one day, would you become friends with them anyway... even if you've got SA?

Edit: Or, during the day, could I even take someone somewhere private and say how I feel face to face?

 

[aj]

Thanks. I know it just happens, but I want to... er, make that happen. I guess I know what I have to do then :?

I know how you feel, I have no idea what she'll say. I'd be crapping myself. But I don't want to lose another nice person.

BTW things are more complicated because she has a boyfriend (why is everyone is attached!?)... another silly question, how do you ask without making it seem like a date? Say '...as a friend'? As much as I wouldn't want to, saying 'bring someone along' would be better, I guess?

 

[miss_amy]

You need to ask more than one person and include her boyfriend too. Drinks after work, BBQ or pool game or something. Asking her out as a friend just the 2 of you is a really bad idea if she has a boyfriend.

 

[aj]

Hehe, I thought as much

Well going out with some people from our team would be a nice thing! In fact, having said that, they've already said about going out together. It's funny because they've said how it would be nice for me to join in a bit more, yet so far they've not done anything :lol:

Time to get this thing going then.

 

[aj]

Asked them out to the pub a couple of days ago, all said, 'oh yes, would love to go.' Ended up being more people again, down to two I actually knew because the others couldn't come, but went to where we said we were going this afternoon... made an idiot of myself going in and looking around once and then again 20 minutes later... nobody there. Yes, it was the right place. No contact with anyone so just drove around a bit to waste some time, then came home. How did a quick drink with us five turn into this? Thank you for your help here, but this takes too much energy. Who am I kidding, I don't like sitting around talking about nothing anyway. Screw it.

It's individual people from now on. I can't be arsed with trying to 'be sociable' any more. Maybe I'll do it again in a few months.

Sorry for once again filling the forum with this, it's hardly positive but I need to get it out somewhere. This is probably all down to me anyway, so to everyone else - please don't lose hope because of this. That's if it made any sense anyway. Just ignore it and let the thread go.

Edit: My 100th post too. Unbelievable.

 

[aj]

Thanks, that's really nice.

It's a small-ish company that does work for other companies. Most of it is a call centre for magazines, but our little team moderation and support emails for a dating website.

I started working there because I was looking for work after leaving college and so I joined an agency. That was the first thing they came up with and I was made permanent last September!

It was sheer luck that I ended up there. I am soooo lucky that I did because I really like them. It's new for me because (shock!) I am not a people person. I want to get to know them. I was hoping to go out with them today but it didn't happen.

I don't really feel sad... just disappointed that it didn't go like I hoped.

 

[lilcharlie]

when it's people of the opposite sex, and it's one on one, the "friends" thing just does not work, unless both of you really are just friends. sometimes sooner or later, one person will feel attracted towards the other. having a gf/ bf helps solidify the "let's just be friends" mentality, but that doesn't always work either. the only guys i can only feel comfortable being friends with, and i know without a shadow of a doubt they do not like me in that way, are well.., you guessed it- gay guys. haha. sometimes i try to be friends with guys, but it is just wierd, i feel as though some of them like me, they give me googly eyes, etc, etc. most of me just tries to ignore everything and pretend i don't see/ hear certain things when i'm trying to "be friends" with guys. well, just fly with the wind, wherever it takes you.

 

[aj]

Yes. I suppose it's possible to be friends like that, but it's always going to be harder because it's what we're made to do isn't it.

I know what I said before but today's thing was to go out with all of them, not just to get to one person

 

[jus]

maybe start off a bit smaller and ask them all out to lunch at the pub during your lunch break at work.

that way its not interfering with peoples precious 'time away from work' and you can still chat and get to know them.

And if its during your lunch break, nothing wrong with asking the girl who has the b/f to have lunch with you. Evan if its just the 2 of you.

 

[miss_amy]

Not so sure. If my fella went to lunch just the two of them at work I would not be too happy about it. I'd make it an open invite and if it ended up just the 2 then OK, but aiming just the 2 of you is asking for trouble.

 

[aj]

Yes, I can understand that. Not that I've ever had a girlfriend but I can imagine that if I did, I would not like that to be happening either.

It was only because I'm better with one person; I do want to get to know the other guys too, and hopefully it still wouldn't go too badly because I've known them for quite a while now, so I can kind of talk to them.

To be honest, it's quite nice that these things have happened - I have learnt that I do not have any interest in sitting around with a load of people I don't know, I never have, and I never will.

I suppose in that way it has made me stronger - I admit it, I am a misanthrope! Even if you get over the anxiety, nothing says that you will or should like doing these things.

They won't all be there tomorrow, but after that, if I have a chance, I will ask if they want to go for a drink at lunch time.