hardy
Well-known member
Two types of friends
The Buddha has described two types of friends, Kalyana Mitta (the good friend) and Papa Mitta (the evil friend). A famous stanza in the Dhammapada says, "Do not keep company with evil friends or those who are mean. Associate with the good and bold friends. The Buddha has advised us to lead a lonely life in case we cannot find a decent friend. But never keep the company of a fool.
Friendship is a force that has no parallel; there is no other single power that can generate good qualities in a person as friendship with the good because, after a certain age children stop emulating their parents and start imitating their friends.
The Buddha explained inter alia who an evil friend and a good friend are:- A foe in the guise of a friend will appropriate a friend's possessions, render mere lip service, flatter, will give little with the idea of taking much, will associate for his own advantage, tries to gain favour by empty words and when the opportunity arises for action, he will give an excuse and express his inability to render any service. An evil friend also praises and approves his friends bad deeds while the good deeds go unnoticed and upraised. He praises the friend in his presence and rebukes him in his absence.
The Buddha has explained further how a foe in the guise of a friend (mitta patirupaka) brings about the ruin of a person in four ways. He is a companion in indulging in intoxicants which gives rise to infatuation and heedlessness. He is a ready companion to frequent the streets at ungodly hours. He is a companion to attend theatrical shows and he is a companion in gambling which causes one's downfall.
Next, the Buddha tells the four types of friends who could be reckoned as warmhearted and dear. He who is a helpmate, does not change in happiness or sorrow, gives good counsel and sympathizes." A wise person having understood these four kinds of friends, should cherish them and associate with them as a mother tends her only son.
there are seven qualities by which you can judge a friend. He should be pleasant and loveable, respectful, worthy of emulation, willing to engage in useful conversation, willing to tolerate words, engages in profound talk and never exhorts groundlessly. Today, the younger generation have a tendency to shun good advice and show resentment when their faults are pointed out by even parents."Someone who points out your mistakes, declare them as weaknesses and condemns them, think of such a person as one showing you a treasure. Associate with wise people of that nature. This shows that a friend need not be always sweet and soft spoken, but could resort to constructive criticism.
How to win Friendship
The Buddha has explained how to win and keep friends. By being generous one can surely win friends and also by being courteous and benevolent. Rejoice in your friend's achievements, praise any commendable acts and strong points. But the Buddha says that if you always keep on talking of your friend's goodness, kindness, greatness and so on, then you are trying to deceive him. In dealing with friends, one's word should be as clean as the actions.
According to the Jataka Pali, striking a friendship is one, maintaining it is another. Buddha has given invaluable advice not only to keep the friendship but also to make the bonds stronger. One should not visit the friends too often or overstay the welcome.
This changes the friend to a foe. If your friend loses something, then you may be under a cloud. Visiting a friend too often invariably leads to gossip, which will involve you in a vortex of trouble. Buddha says that, it is equally bad not to visit your friends at all. You should judge for yourself how often you should visit your friend, how long you should stay and so on. Buddha has pointed out that a friendship deteriorates by asking favors, especially at wrong times. If at all you ask a favor, it should not be unreasonable or of a demanding nature. Asking favors far too often makes you a pest more than a friend.
Buddha has explained that if someone wants to bring about his own ruin or downfall, he could associate with evil friends who are gamblers, libertines, tripplers, cheats, swindlers or violent thugs. Buddhist Commentarial Tradition defines a friend thus:- "A friend is one whose association leads to spiritual profitability, protects you from evil that may befall you and is inclined towards your welfare."
The Buddha has described two types of friends, Kalyana Mitta (the good friend) and Papa Mitta (the evil friend). A famous stanza in the Dhammapada says, "Do not keep company with evil friends or those who are mean. Associate with the good and bold friends. The Buddha has advised us to lead a lonely life in case we cannot find a decent friend. But never keep the company of a fool.
Friendship is a force that has no parallel; there is no other single power that can generate good qualities in a person as friendship with the good because, after a certain age children stop emulating their parents and start imitating their friends.
The Buddha explained inter alia who an evil friend and a good friend are:- A foe in the guise of a friend will appropriate a friend's possessions, render mere lip service, flatter, will give little with the idea of taking much, will associate for his own advantage, tries to gain favour by empty words and when the opportunity arises for action, he will give an excuse and express his inability to render any service. An evil friend also praises and approves his friends bad deeds while the good deeds go unnoticed and upraised. He praises the friend in his presence and rebukes him in his absence.
The Buddha has explained further how a foe in the guise of a friend (mitta patirupaka) brings about the ruin of a person in four ways. He is a companion in indulging in intoxicants which gives rise to infatuation and heedlessness. He is a ready companion to frequent the streets at ungodly hours. He is a companion to attend theatrical shows and he is a companion in gambling which causes one's downfall.
Next, the Buddha tells the four types of friends who could be reckoned as warmhearted and dear. He who is a helpmate, does not change in happiness or sorrow, gives good counsel and sympathizes." A wise person having understood these four kinds of friends, should cherish them and associate with them as a mother tends her only son.
there are seven qualities by which you can judge a friend. He should be pleasant and loveable, respectful, worthy of emulation, willing to engage in useful conversation, willing to tolerate words, engages in profound talk and never exhorts groundlessly. Today, the younger generation have a tendency to shun good advice and show resentment when their faults are pointed out by even parents."Someone who points out your mistakes, declare them as weaknesses and condemns them, think of such a person as one showing you a treasure. Associate with wise people of that nature. This shows that a friend need not be always sweet and soft spoken, but could resort to constructive criticism.
How to win Friendship
The Buddha has explained how to win and keep friends. By being generous one can surely win friends and also by being courteous and benevolent. Rejoice in your friend's achievements, praise any commendable acts and strong points. But the Buddha says that if you always keep on talking of your friend's goodness, kindness, greatness and so on, then you are trying to deceive him. In dealing with friends, one's word should be as clean as the actions.
According to the Jataka Pali, striking a friendship is one, maintaining it is another. Buddha has given invaluable advice not only to keep the friendship but also to make the bonds stronger. One should not visit the friends too often or overstay the welcome.
This changes the friend to a foe. If your friend loses something, then you may be under a cloud. Visiting a friend too often invariably leads to gossip, which will involve you in a vortex of trouble. Buddha says that, it is equally bad not to visit your friends at all. You should judge for yourself how often you should visit your friend, how long you should stay and so on. Buddha has pointed out that a friendship deteriorates by asking favors, especially at wrong times. If at all you ask a favor, it should not be unreasonable or of a demanding nature. Asking favors far too often makes you a pest more than a friend.
Buddha has explained that if someone wants to bring about his own ruin or downfall, he could associate with evil friends who are gamblers, libertines, tripplers, cheats, swindlers or violent thugs. Buddhist Commentarial Tradition defines a friend thus:- "A friend is one whose association leads to spiritual profitability, protects you from evil that may befall you and is inclined towards your welfare."