Are you too judgmental?

[zav943]

Today, while jogging, I came across a guy that looked a bit overweight and very out of shape and found myself thinking...man, this guy probably has a hard time picking up girls. Other people must also find him unattractive.

Now, before I go on, let me note that I have very low self-esteem, so I don't think I'm any better than him...I was just judging him from an arbitrary point of view, not comparing him to myself at all.

I've also seen a lot of attractive-looking, fit guys on my jogging trails who I thought were probably juggling several girls at the same time...and often, when I'd see them jogging with an attractive girl, I would get really jealous.

That got me thinking....why? Why do i judge people so much? Why did I judge this unfit stranger so harshly? It made me feel guilty...but much more importantly, it made me think about myself. How does my judgement of this man (and others) affects me?

Maybe someone here can psychoanalyze me haha...also, share your thoughts about being judgmental...

My guess is that this tendency to judge people may be one of the main reasons behind my poor self-esteem. Because I tend to judge other people so readily, I end up projecting the negative judgments unto myself, thereby destroying my own self-confidence, all the while looking at attractive, confident people with spite (I'm not THAT bitter!)...

Maybe I found one of the root causes of my self-esteem issues? You be the judge

 

[EscapeArtist]

I be the judge? Get me my mallet!
I can't tell if I judge people or not.... I know I put people way up despite any obvious flaws (like if somebody is overweight, I may think, aw, they're probably either hurt or bored, good for them for having the courage to come outside! I can't do that). This all changes if i'm angry at humanity....... if I spend enough time reading national geographic, realizing the damage of mankind....... everybody becomes a parasite, bent on destroying the one escape and form of acceptance I have left; nature! This is including myself. I become very, very critical of myself and the rest of the world... So it all depends! Extremes. always.. :/

 

[KiaKaha]

I think about this quite a lot..I can feel myself going into a rant, but I will try to keep it short..and on topic..

I think people cant help judging others, its inbuilt into us as human beings. We all do it, we all like to make assumptions and have biases toward people because it helps us try to understand them, and although some of those judgments may be justified, many are not. I do feel that way to many people act on those judgments without realizing it... often treating others unfairly (or just plain rudely) because of it. I think the main cause of having SA or shyness is because people care about how they are being judged...and more often that not people have a tendency to make snap judgments in a negative way...which is totally unfair, because no one TRULY knows what another person is really like, or how they feel, or what is going on in their life...

I think if people had enough insight to realize that they are making judgments about others but kept an open mind and tried not to act on prejudice then things would be so much better for everyone...

but as far as I can tell, people dont...nor do they want to, it seems people like the comfort of talking themselves into thinking they know all there is to know about someone without making the effort to find out for sure.

Am *I* too judgmental? --- well I have made it a rule to judge others harshly if they have a typical bully type attitude, or they think they are genuinely "better" than other people for whatever reason...aside from that... I dont generally have a problem with others.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Today, while jogging, I came across a guy that looked a bit overweight and very out of shape and found myself thinking...man, this guy probably has a hard time picking up girls. Other people must also find him unattractive.

Now, before I go on, let me note that I have very low self-esteem, so I don't think I'm any better than him...I was just judging him from an arbitrary point of view, not comparing him to myself at all.

I wouldn't really call that being judgmental. To me, being judgmental means saying (even if it's only to yourself) what other people should do. You made some observations and assumptions. Had you thought to yourself that he should take better care of himself, that he should exercise more, or that he should be ashamed to walk around looking the way he does, then that would have been judgmental.

I've also seen a lot of attractive-looking, fit guys on my jogging trails who I thought were probably juggling several girls at the same time...and often, when I'd see them jogging with an attractive girl, I would get really jealous.

That got me thinking....why? Why do i judge people so much? Why did I judge this unfit stranger so harshly? It made me feel guilty...but much more importantly, it made me think about myself. How does my judgement of this man (and others) affects me?

Maybe someone here can psychoanalyze me haha...also, share your thoughts about being judgmental...

My guess is that this tendency to judge people may be one of the main reasons behind my poor self-esteem. Because I tend to judge other people so readily, I end up projecting the negative judgments unto myself, thereby destroying my own self-confidence, all the while looking at attractive, confident people with spite (I'm not THAT bitter!)...

Maybe I found one of the root causes of my self-esteem issues? You be the judge

You might be right about the projection, but I think putting other people down can help someone with low self-esteem feel better about themselves. When you were considering how unattractive he must be to women did it not make you think that, however low your self-esteem might be, you are more attractive to women than he is? I think that might be a large part of it.

I try not to be judgmental, because making assumptions about people has backfired on me in the past, and made me realise that things aren't always as clear cut as we might imagine. It's difficult though, as I think that to some extent it's part of human nature.

 

[Kinetik]

I do this too, but then I quickly remember that a well-rounded, charismatic, socially-adept person is infinitely more attractive than a cave-dwelling quasi-sociopath like myself. So ultimately it's nothing to feel guilty of.