#21
I feel most lonely at parties and other social events because when I see others interacting I realize how different I really am. I have different thoughts and opinions from most people. Most people tend to see the way I am as be just being an uptight jerk, so the only way I can "fit in" or "get along" with people is by faking myself, which I hate myself for.
The last couple years, I've isolated myself from social situations almost all the time because I don't want to compromise myself for others, and I don't want to keep surrounding myself in situations where I am isolated. It's easier for me to just isolate myself from a distance and try to find people who think like me, but they are very few and far between.
At present I feel very lonely. My girlfriend left me because I yelled at her a lot. She find it hard to trust me and is afraid that I fake being so morally-obsessed. She feels like my views are to extreme to be real and my awkwardness in social situations makes her very uncomfortable.
I've been trying to make friends, but I keep running into things i don't agree with and can't make myself okay with. I wish there was some way i could stop being so judgmental and bitter towards the human race... but my big problem is that when I try not to be so angry for all the bad things people do, I just end up feeling like I am part of the problem because I'm not fighting it.
It's very depressing at times, but at least, thanks to therapy, I no longer want to take myself out. I know I'm valuable, just like every human being is. Even though I differ from everyone else in some way or another, there are ways I do fit in... I'm human after all...
It's my hope that as I keep trying to forgive other people for their mistakes and for being selfish... maybe someone will recognize that I am valuable in my own way. Maybe they will try to forgive me for my selfishness and my mistakes too. 🙂
The last couple years, I've isolated myself from social situations almost all the time because I don't want to compromise myself for others, and I don't want to keep surrounding myself in situations where I am isolated. It's easier for me to just isolate myself from a distance and try to find people who think like me, but they are very few and far between.
At present I feel very lonely. My girlfriend left me because I yelled at her a lot. She find it hard to trust me and is afraid that I fake being so morally-obsessed. She feels like my views are to extreme to be real and my awkwardness in social situations makes her very uncomfortable.
I've been trying to make friends, but I keep running into things i don't agree with and can't make myself okay with. I wish there was some way i could stop being so judgmental and bitter towards the human race... but my big problem is that when I try not to be so angry for all the bad things people do, I just end up feeling like I am part of the problem because I'm not fighting it.
It's very depressing at times, but at least, thanks to therapy, I no longer want to take myself out. I know I'm valuable, just like every human being is. Even though I differ from everyone else in some way or another, there are ways I do fit in... I'm human after all...
It's my hope that as I keep trying to forgive other people for their mistakes and for being selfish... maybe someone will recognize that I am valuable in my own way. Maybe they will try to forgive me for my selfishness and my mistakes too. 🙂
