Are you assertive?

[4myself]

I am just about to jump off this forum and go and look up some info about assertiveness. I am wondering if anyone thinks they are assertive or passive or agressive?. I am passive aggressive, but I would love to be assertive.

 

[young]

jumping off this forum could get you hurt. Just walk away, or skip, but keep the jumping to a minimum. 8)

As for me i'm assertive when it's something i want. Though I have been known to let people walk all over me. I'm working on that. Mainly i try and please everyone, while leaving myself last.

 

[lawyerguy]

I'm a passive person in general but I can be assertive when I have to be. Obviously for my job I have to be assertive. I'm more comfortable being assertive for other people than for myself.

 

[maggie]

i am very passive..esp. at work....and it's frustrating, cause even if i have a valid point or argument..i usually keep it to myself....and then i brood about it later...pissed off about the way things turned out :evil:

 

[magda74]

i am very passive..esp. at work....and it's frustrating, cause even if i have a valid point or argument..i usually keep it to myself....and then i brood about it later...pissed off about the way things turned out :evil:

Really relate to that. Definitely passive-aggressive. I have a really hard time being able to defend my viewpoint. I find some people really take advantage when they figure that out about me and talk right over me or do something totally dismissive. And what do i do? Replay it over and over in my head till my ears are steaming. Then avoid that person for awhile.(':roll:')

I've really got to work on that.

 

[maggie]

hey magda74...i know just what you mean about replaying it over and over in your head :x ..i do the same thing....so, not only does it make me feel like a total idiot at the time, but later i obsess about it and always imagine the way i should have dealt with situation.. :roll:

 

[magda74]

hi Maggie, (just realized you're a fellow Canuck)

yeah, i obsess too, like thinking in a loop. not even sure if i avoid the person later becuz i'm mad or just really embarrassed.

by the way, that picture makes me laugh everytime. am i seeing that right, is that a carved apple helmet on a cat? ur cat?
sooo cute

 

[magda74]

(':lol:') i just can't stand rude mushy avocadoes. good for dips though!

glad to hear you found the balance, i'm working on that. really i think it's unfair to other people as well if u don't let them know where you're coming from. gotta luv that 20/20 vision.

 

[elProscrito]

I used to be terribly non-assertive and bottled things up till the dam would break and I'd take someones hed off in a fury.

I'm like that too. i let peopl walk over me, i don't protest till at some point i realize that i was totally screwed over. than i get angry and agressive.
but i'm constantly working on being calm and assertive. hopefully i'll be like that someday

 

[ColdAsIce]

Not at all....

I've always been a door mat....

 

[maggie]

hi magda74 ...yeah, i'm Canadian eh?.....i think it's a carved out lime on kitty in pic...not my kitty...i do have 2 cats though..minus the lime hats .....the look on the cats face in pic kills me...kinda looks how i feel sometimes...wish i had a lime hat to hide under :wink: ....p.s. go Leafs go!!!!!!!!!

 

[magda74]

Hi guys,
i play at being invisible alot of the time. not by staying mute, but by not wanting to stand out. we used to have these morning meetings at work where 20 of us would stand around to hear our daily quotas. sometimes the manager would "surprise" us with group games or we'd have to give dept. presentation. Nightmare.

Maggie-don't follow sports that much, not even hockey. ('')I know, i know i'm a terrible Canadian. Glad they're back tho, we'll have a happier nation.

 

[Jeannie21]

I am passive for sure.

I've gotten into many bad and sometimes scary situations because of this.
It was so much of a problem that my mom made me join an assertiveness training group.
In the group we had to role-play different situations, and try to act assertive. This was one of the hardest things I ever did because of my sp. But now I am a little bit more assertive and haven't gotten into many bad situations since. The main thing I learned is to be able to recognize when and why I am being passive. That is the only way I can change my behavior.

 

[4myself]

Interestingly when I looked up the Assertiveness sites I found that the first 'rule' of assertive behaviour is to recognise that we have a right to live our lives exactly how we want to live them and make choices for ourselves. I found that interesting because one of the main problems with social phobia is we tend to not do or say anything because we are worried about what other people might think. Its probably why many sp people like myself are not assertive.

 

[Meatwad]

I am not assertive. I am too timid, and I don't like to draw attention to myself

 

[black_mamba]

I tend to be quite assertive with topics that I feel are imprtant to me; my education and my family for example, but if someone pushes ahead of me in a queue I shy away from making a scene. It's fairly petty, and I'm not about to heighten my anxieties on something so stupid. Hopefully not anyway. :?

 

[FaymeLevy]

Oh definately not. I wish I was, but im always afraid that I'll upset someone, and I dont want that. It's strange, cuz both my Mother and my Aunt (whom I am very close to) are VERY assertive and arent afraid of hardly anything...it just skipped me I guess.

 

[still-in-my-shell]

Ha- Assertive? Are you kidding me... does passive/aggresive count for anything?

Here's how my lack of assertiveness turned into stupidity- I had started a new job and we had a safety course that said in case of emergency don't use the central staircase, that the glass around it would cave in and we'd die a terrible death etc.

So the next day there was a bomb threat and everyone starting walking in circles like prairie chickens, not knowing where to go and ending up using the central staircase and I knew better but just followed like an idiot.

so stupid!

 

[discosuperfly]

I am passive for sure.

I've gotten into many bad and sometimes scary situations because of this.
It was so much of a problem that my mom made me join an assertiveness training group.
In the group we had to role-play different situations, and try to act assertive. This was one of the hardest things I ever did because of my sp. But now I am a little bit more assertive and haven't gotten into many bad situations since. The main thing I learned is to be able to recognize when and why I am being passive. That is the only way I can change my behavior.

I was actually thinking about taking an assertiveness course do you it was helpfull for you?

 

[4myself]

I didnt actually finish the course but it helped me while I was doing it. I think the most useful thing it taught me was as I mentioned above, that I have the right to live my life my way, as long as I'm not hurting anyone then it shouldnt be a problem.