Are "walls" a good thing?

[AmunetSide]

Went on a date a few days ago . Nice guy. Told me that it seemed like I had this wall in between me and the rest of the world though. Ummmm....

I didn't know what to say. I've LEARNED to be guarded. The hard way. It just kinda stuck.

The thing is, I don't want to be an entirely open person because that just makes you an easy target.

Is that a completely convoluted approach or what? What do you guys think?

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Do you mean a "wall" as in... A safeguard that protects you from criticism/hurt?
My psychologist mentioned something like this, going on to say that most people have a wall or perhaps a "filter" or "sieve" that tries to block out things that are potentially harmful to one's self. I believe I never had one, leaving me open and sensitive to criticism. So in my own way I formed my own wall/barrier that blocks almost everything entirely... "Emotional Detachment." So I can't open up anymore.

But anyway, I do believe that walls/sieves can be good, but I really must stress the can. It does rely on how they function to determine whether or not they are a "good" thing. If your wall is dysfunctional to the point where you are having trouble connecting to people, then it might be a problem.
Not having a wall would be worse than having one, IMO.

What, do you think, gave him the impression that you were closed off from the world?

 

[limetree]

I'm pretty guarded too unless I really click with the person. Sometimes out of mistrust, sometimes out of efficiency. It's perfectly sane to be perceptive about who's worthwhile to invest our time and energy in as long as you're not holding parts of yourself back which compromise your integrity or desire to connect. I've taken risks in the past with crazy brazenness (only online though) to test people but soon realised this wasn't the cure to beating self-consciousness, I scared them off with my intensity and ended up feeling worse. Relationships are more exciting when layers are stripped more gradually I guess, you also get to test whether people care enough to stick around and find out more about you.

The easiest way to get me to open up is to share your vulnerabilities, that way I feel like if you exploit my broody confessions, I too have something to blackmail you with