Hey errbody,
I'm 24, male, and I have social anxiety, OCD, and slight depression.
I'm super shy, especially around women, but the main issue is my codependency with my mother.
She, too has OCD. She has violent thoughts about harming me, and it dominates her life. She is also an alcoholic.
Her alcoholism led to my codependency. I worry about her more than myself. A lot more. It's almost as if I'm living her life instead of mine. That pretty much sums it up.
She has a fear of driving, thus, I have a fear of her driving. You could also say I have agorophobia for her, not myself. Sounds pretty strange right?
I feel the need to drive her everywhere, and when she drives herself, even to the gas station down the street, I am afraid she will crash and die. I know this is irrational, but you all know how OCD is.
She is managing her alcohol now, but, of course, I firmly believe if I stepped out, she would fall back into the drinking every day. She drinks once a week now, and as soon as I leave the house, she slips up. Every time. So as you can see, I feel trapped. I have no social life, it's basically me and my mother (my dad's around too, but he is self sufficient, and does fine, I love him just as much, but I don't worry about him like I do my mother).
I know it's untrue, but I feel like I love her more than anyone else loves their mother. I'm sure other people think this as well about their loved ones.
I feel if I lost her, I would have no reason to live.
So basically, my goal here is to build a life for myself, separate from her, so when, god forbid, the day comes when she is no longer around, I can move on with "my life". As of right now, "my life" is her life. Does any of this make sense?
All I'm really looking for is some advice on how to begin. I take 2 Klonoping .5mg a day, but that is it.
Any guidance is greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
Ryan
I'm 24, male, and I have social anxiety, OCD, and slight depression.
I'm super shy, especially around women, but the main issue is my codependency with my mother.
She, too has OCD. She has violent thoughts about harming me, and it dominates her life. She is also an alcoholic.
Her alcoholism led to my codependency. I worry about her more than myself. A lot more. It's almost as if I'm living her life instead of mine. That pretty much sums it up.
She has a fear of driving, thus, I have a fear of her driving. You could also say I have agorophobia for her, not myself. Sounds pretty strange right?
I feel the need to drive her everywhere, and when she drives herself, even to the gas station down the street, I am afraid she will crash and die. I know this is irrational, but you all know how OCD is.
She is managing her alcohol now, but, of course, I firmly believe if I stepped out, she would fall back into the drinking every day. She drinks once a week now, and as soon as I leave the house, she slips up. Every time. So as you can see, I feel trapped. I have no social life, it's basically me and my mother (my dad's around too, but he is self sufficient, and does fine, I love him just as much, but I don't worry about him like I do my mother).
I know it's untrue, but I feel like I love her more than anyone else loves their mother. I'm sure other people think this as well about their loved ones.
I feel if I lost her, I would have no reason to live.
So basically, my goal here is to build a life for myself, separate from her, so when, god forbid, the day comes when she is no longer around, I can move on with "my life". As of right now, "my life" is her life. Does any of this make sense?
All I'm really looking for is some advice on how to begin. I take 2 Klonoping .5mg a day, but that is it.
Any guidance is greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
Ryan