Anyone else feel that conversation is a chore?

[recluse]

I have always felt that making conversation is a chore. I mean having to think of something to say just to pretend that i am happy, and to break silences. I can never make conversation out of nothing unless i have seen a film o'r something else which gives me a topic to discuss. other than that my mind is blank and i can't think of any interesting things to say. I also have a hard time maintaining convo.

I know this sounds mean but i sometimes wish i was dumb so i had an excuse not to talk.

 

[LaLaLa]

well I feel that I'm dumb already, or getting dumber. Dumb and social phobic...I HATE MY VOICE ALSO.
I did wish that I was deaf sometimes... in that way, I can be less sensitive and won't have to hear all these voices (including my own) that'smaking me feel so paranoid.

There was one point in time when I did attempt to make an effort to talk to people and some of my friend's friends, but in the end I always get the impression that people are disinterested and everything I said was just plain stupid and pointless and I felt a bit too fake, pretending to be talkative and happy. :roll: It didn't make much of a big difference whether I spoke or not. I would always be the quiet girl anyway. I'm tired and have given up. :evil:

 

[blackcap]

Yeah most of the time I find conversation to be really hard work. If it's a one-on-one conversation I'm usually trying to think of a way to exit the conversation asap. If it's in a group and I can't escape, then I get really really pissed off at having to listen to such boring crap. I would rather sit and stare at a blank wall rather than be forced to listen to people's boring conversations.

On rare occasions though I do get into a conversation I enjoy, and it's really great when that happens. It makes me jealous that this is what it's like for other people most of the time, yet for me it's a rare occurrence.

 

[Doomed2Die]

Remember to smile and nod, no really listening is saying more than speaking. Break free of those self-revolving thoughts and force yourself to think about others, it helps lots because you briefly forget the worries. Ask more than tell, listen more than talk, if the other person is not too talkative simply say nothing or if your feeling your up to it ask them something that you know they enjoy like a hobby or something.

If it is a subject you cannot stand smile but do not show hints that you want to talk about it, usually people can see the body language and change subject, if they dont shut up then maybe you should move along and edge your way out of the conversation heh.

And to think such things was impossible to me only a week ago...

Number one rule, do not beat yourself up over the end result, chances are it was not your fault for whatever happens and even if you stumbled a little take heart that next time you have small talk you know what 'not' to do ^^ . Work on it gradually.

 

[blackcap]

Remember to smile and nod, no really listening is saying more than speaking. Break free of those self-revolving thoughts and force yourself to think about others, it helps lots because you briefly forget the worries.

Often I *am* thinking about others. e.g. "Why are these people talking about such &*^*^ boring crap. And why must I waste my time listening to them????"

I usually beat myself up when I'm with people I like and would like to take part in the conversation, but often I'm with a bunch of people who I don't like and don't want to socialise with but am forced to (e.g. work colleagues, relatives).

 

[LaLaLa]

I get kinda annoyed when I see a group sat on the same table as me and theres a person who cracks these super lame jokes that I myself don't find funny at all whilst everybody else sits there laughing their arses off.

 

[Joldo]

I find it difficult to talk to most people mainly because I have very little in common with everyone I meet. So trying to have a conversation with someone usually means i have to lie, stretch the truth, or just be someone I'm not and I hate that.

The worst part is after the conversation, obsessing about what I should of said or done. Oh, and the problem I have with facial blushing whenever I talk to anyone I think might actually like me, or when I get the slightest bit embarrassed doesn't help.

I just try to avoid conversation whenever possible.

 

[Vancouver]

I only feel this way if I'm trying to be something I'm not. For example, I started telling white lies a while back. I didn't think it was a big deal. Then the guilt came in and I started feeling overwhelmed by my own dishonesty. Then I realized that that's EXACTLY why I would feel so drained whenever somebody would converse with me. Weather or not I was lying at the time, pretending to not be shy or putting on a show would end up making me look more shy, and in turn I'd feel guilty and the other person would get mixed signals from me.

So shy or not, I just took the mask off and I don't regret it one bit. No more white lies, no more dishonesty, no more 'putting on a face' in order to try to look good, or better than I really am. Because in the end, nobody cares. And now if somebody doesn't like me for who I am (hasn't happened yet, but it always could), then I can shrug it off and accept it even more, cause I know I gave it my best shot.

So honesty, people - honesty. Stick to it. And always remember to just fuckin' be yourself!

 

[Butterflies]

I used to find it a chore. Until someone told me this great formula for making conversation.

One of the first things she said is why do you find conversation difficult? I reply "because I am so self-conscious". She said - that's your problem - you are being conscious of yourself!

She then proceed to give me an very easy acroynm that works everytime, anytime.

Now I don't spend time worrying about whether I have something to say, what to say, or what they think. Often I find that I am the conversation carrier now.

 

[PhantomPod]

"There is no such thing as dialogue, only intersecting monologue."

I think that that quote is so ridiculously true. Whoever the hell said it or something similar.

 

[Foxglove]

Oh God, yes. When I am forced into a situation where I must make convesation and try to act normal, I end up with a killer headache.

 

[Joey86]

I hate small talk: when people talk for the sake of talking. If you ask me to talk about something technical or something I'm really interested in, and I can go on forever.

Social anxiety makes the words come out funny though when I get self-conscious especially when something is boring, like the whole "how was your day" mantra. Ask me about Harry Potter, and I'll get so passionate that I sometimes even forget to be self conscious, if that's possible.

Is this the same with you guys? Have you found that you can escape social anxiety with really engaging conversation, even if it's only for a few minutes?

 

[recluse]

I hate small talk: when people talk for the sake of talking. If you ask me to talk about something technical or something I'm really interested in, and I can go on forever.

Social anxiety makes the words come out funny though when I get self-conscious especially when something is boring, like the whole "how was your day" mantra. Ask me about Harry Potter, and I'll get so passionate that I sometimes even forget to be self conscious, if that's possible.

Is this the same with you guys? Have you found that you can escape social anxiety with really engaging conversation, even if it's only for a few minutes?

I'm the same. I can talk about cars and things that interest me for ages.

 

[Victoria]

I dislike talking unless I have something to say, but usually I attempt it anyway for the sake of trying to have a good time with others. The problem I run into most though seems to be that no matter what I choose to say, people always respond with 'help'. Like If I say man I havent had a cigarette all day, someone will say, then why dont u buy some? Or if I say my house gets really hot at night, I get something like, well why don't you open a window? Do I sound like I'm complaining all the time? I don't get it. I wasn't asking for help I was just saying.. I must just not have a knack for small talk. My ex even told me once that he very clearly saw that people often treated me as if I complained all the time, even when I wasn't. Can't it be normal to not want to talk to people ? I don't really see the appeal.

 

[Vincent]

word to the mummy f***ker

i reckon alot of convo is just filling space

verbal diarragh if you like.

its takes knowing stuff to have something to say...

so here's my amatur take, followed by some pearl from the mack d of convo...

figure out what group/kinda ppl you wana be with if you want to start or change groups. what are they into? fuck that, what are you into? are you an arty drug trippin fiend? are you a sports junkie homophobe? are you a techno nerd burger? im the latter and want to transistion to the first. so, learn up on that stuff, shouldnt be a chore cos thats what i love right?

then, transend the ego. that is some buddhism stuff im looking to get into. arrogance or self consciousness, they are all ego at the expense of being objective being with the other.

as trite as it sounds, focus on what they are saying. if there is trouble fixing on it, convert it into writing in your head. from noise to scrpit, access the visual part of your b rather than audio. avoid eye contact if it throws you. apparantly amoungst westernised whities, talking is less looking, t hearing more. reverse for african. but regardless, just dont look when you listen...or speak. if you really tune into whats being said, then they will work out that you are listening even if the bod lang isnt there.

dont know if this works or no, cannot say ive got anything down. but a quote that gives me strength, by the late Oscar Wilde, a master of social

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing"

and

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else opinions [im busted], their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation"

 

[stevelee24]

Sometimes I feel so physically exuasted if ive been trying hard to make conversation with people im not to familiar with I feel like I really don’t want to do that again.

Social meetings are after all suppose to be fun but for me there more of a nightmare so whats the point of putting yourself through that ordeal.
Also if things go bad and I feel like everything I have said has been ignored of it was just plain strange I replay this in my head over and over thinking what I should have said and how I should o reacted.

This has limited my number of real friends but I think thats how I like it to many friends to me is too much like hard work.

 

[recluse]

Re: word to the mummy f***ker

i reckon alot of convo is just filling space

verbal diarragh if you like.

its takes knowing stuff to have something to say...

so here's my amatur take, followed by some pearl from the mack d of convo...

figure out what group/kinda ppl you wana be with if you want to start or change groups. what are they into? fuck that, what are you into? are you an arty drug trippin fiend? are you a sports junkie homophobe? are you a techno nerd burger? im the latter and want to transistion to the first. so, learn up on that stuff, shouldnt be a chore cos thats what i love right?

then, transend the ego. that is some buddhism stuff im looking to get into. arrogance or self consciousness, they are all ego at the expense of being objective being with the other.

as trite as it sounds, focus on what they are saying. if there is trouble fixing on it, convert it into writing in your head. from noise to scrpit, access the visual part of your b rather than audio. avoid eye contact if it throws you. apparantly amoungst westernised whities, talking is less looking, t hearing more. reverse for african. but regardless, just dont look when you listen...or speak. if you really tune into whats being said, then they will work out that you are listening even if the bod lang isnt there.

dont know if this works or no, cannot say ive got anything down. but a quote that gives me strength, by the late Oscar Wilde, a master of social

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing"

and

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else opinions [im busted], their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation"

Yeah that is true! Most conversations are just rubbish to fill in silences because some people get uncomfortable being silent for more than 2 minutes. One of my mums relatives, a man in his 70's walks past with his dog everyday, and i get very irritated whenever he sees me and keeps me talking. I'll be in the middle of doing something like washing my car and he'll keep me talking and he talks a load of shit anyway, so now when i hear him coming i duck behind my car untill he's walked past :lol: It's handy that he's got a walking stick because i can hear it clicking on the ground which gives me a warning :lol: