Any university students from Melbourne here?

[chosen_one]

Hey there, I was just wondering if there are any university students out there from Melbourne or outside Melbourne. I just want to know how your transition into University was, was it difficult, did you make friends easily? And also other little things, such as do you feel un-easy walking through a crowd of students, do you participate in tutorial discussions. Or, share any other difficult hardships you have encountered at university.

Well, here is my summarized experience.
Well, my transition into university was not so good. My first day at university was kind of miserable. I was walking through a crowd of students, which made me feel very uncomfortable. First class was art, and the teacher told us to pair up with someone, which made my heart beat fast. Mind you, the class was full of attractive people. It was difficult to find a partner, and I eventually was partnered up with a girl who was also looking for partner, but I could tell she was not happy to be partnered up with me. So she ditched me and partnered up with an attractive male, whom already had been partnered, so I was left by myself. Another class, we had to introduce ourselves. As expected, I was shaking and stuttering as I was introducing myself while everyone was staring at me.

This year, I transferred to another university with a more multi-cultural feel. I must say, it’s much better than the one I went to before. Never the less, I am still finding it difficult make friends. Let’s just say, I’ve only made acquaintances, because these acquaintances have too many friends of their own that they rather hang out with. I find it difficult to hold a conversation. There’s this particular language class, where the teacher is very forceful and intimidating. She always picks on me. During one class, she asked us to say a sentence to see if we can pronounce words properly, and when it was my turn, I was nervous, heart beating really fast and when I was speaking, my voice sounded really shaky and nervous. Then the teacher imitated me, copying the way I was talking and then everyone laughed at me. I know she was joking, but it was humiliating, especially when there was 30 plus students looking and laughing at me, my face was burning up from blushing.

Anyway, feel free to share your experience, as I am eagerly wanting to know about other’s people’s experiences at University. Maybe we can all get to know each other better through MSN and help each other. Feel free to PM me.

 

[Richey]

tafe/university college in melbourne at the moment..

Honestly i've had a horrible time of it so far in terms of making friends, i highly doubt that people dislike me but i'm so quiet in class because there are two groups of people that are cracking jokes left right and center effortlessly throughout the class when that is going on i'm supposed to concentrate on absorbing the work by looking at a computer screen and trying to soak it all in, so i'm scatterbrained for the entire time that by the end of the class i feel like ive walked away with nothing and i end up feeling rather stupid ..

I just don't feel 'cool' at all or comfortable in my skin, that is the thing that everyone seems to have is character and personality, an ego that they can flaunt around, all the girls stir up the boys as well and they are playful to the really tall outgoing guys in the class...

i've attempted to to talk to people but i find myself coming across as boring and forgettable, my timing for jokes is usually way off, so i'm trying and trying but it makes me want to just hide in the end ...

the teachers just have big egos because they've had years and years of learning all this stuff and they tend to rub it in and use sarcasm if i'm stuck on a question, instead of trying to explain it they'll joke around as if "its so obvious" ..well yeh to the teachers its going to be obvious but i needed help ..

who knows maybe in a different course or class i'd fit in better, but this always happens to me at schools so i think its me ...

alot of my issues stem further then just anxiety, i have very low self-esteem and will often say nothing for long periods however i can talk alot at other times depending on the situation ..

best of luck to you, hope you get some enjoyment out of this year and your course

not all girls are there to chase the popular guys, alot fo girls like brains and shy qualities too ...

 

[Richey]

Hey there, I was just wondering if there are any university students out there from Melbourne or outside Melbourne. I just want to know how your transition into University was, was it difficult, did you make friends easily? And also other little things, such as do you feel un-easy walking through a crowd of students, do you participate in tutorial discussions. Or, share any other difficult hardships you have encountered at university.

Well, here is my summarized experience.
Well, my transition into university was not so good. My first day at university was kind of miserable. I was walking through a crowd of students, which made me feel very uncomfortable. First class was art, and the teacher told us to pair up with someone, which made my heart beat fast. Mind you, the class was full of attractive people. It was difficult to find a partner, and I eventually was partnered up with a girl who was also looking for partner, but I could tell she was not happy to be partnered up with me. So she ditched me and partnered up with an attractive male, whom already had been partnered, so I was left by myself. Another class, we had to introduce ourselves. As expected, I was shaking and stuttering as I was introducing myself while everyone was staring at me.

This year, I transferred to another university with a more multi-cultural feel. I must say, it’s much better than the one I went to before. Never the less, I am still finding it difficult make friends. Let’s just say, I’ve only made acquaintances, because these acquaintances have too many friends of their own that they rather hang out with. I find it difficult to hold a conversation. There’s this particular language class, where the teacher is very forceful and intimidating. She always picks on me. During one class, she asked us to say a sentence to see if we can pronounce words properly, and when it was my turn, I was nervous, heart beating really fast and when I was speaking, my voice sounded really shaky and nervous. Then the teacher imitated me, copying the way I was talking and then everyone laughed at me. I know she was joking, but it was humiliating, especially when there was 30 plus students looking and laughing at me, my face was burning up from blushing.
Anyway, feel free to share your experience, as I am eagerly wanting to know about other’s people’s experiences at University. Maybe we can all get to know each other better through MSN and help each other. Feel free to PM me.

dont you hate that though?! its not even funny really, some teachers like the sound of their own voice no matter what comes out, they'll go with what comes to their head first without really caring about the reactions of students because they play the role of the dominent force or the king of the castle which i believe in university should be watered down to treat the student as an adult like you would your work friends and be respectful, this isn't pre-school and i just laugh at the way they go about marking and enforcing a point with this condescending attitude, but its mainly the older teachers that do it ...

my teachers are the same, and i'm fully aware they think its humerous but it can be rather brutal when you are in the position as a student trying to learn and feel comfortable amongst everyone else, but most teachers have big egos in my classes so their sarcasm and mocking can be high octane ...

also dont assume that just because they are paid to teach you that they are great at it, yes they may posess the skills of that course but when it comes to their people skills and attitudes may be a different story, not all teachers but some

 

[Pamela]

Hi I'm new here. I would like to say Chosen_one that just going to uni is a great achievement in itself and you should be proud of yourself. I would after class go and see that teacher and tell her that you suffer from anixtey though how she can't tell is beyond me........ Any way I would ask her not to put you on the spot like that as you find it very hard to deal with and you really enjoy her glass and want to be able to relax and learn in it.

I'm 38 years old and I'm too afraid of being put on the spot that I just haven't been able to go to uni I really want to I started a BA through open learning but I found it too hard with out a teacher......

One thing that has helped me when talking to people is to look at there nose or the middle of the eyebrow as they don;t know you arent looking at them in the eyes this way you can keep eye contact.

Also when talking to someone I think to myself we are just too important people talking about something in common. Just be your self people will like you. Every one has the same fears others hide them easier......

Say to your self before you go to class I'm an important person and I like to make friends. and really feel it.... it works for me ......

I'm looking into going to tafe next year I'm going to face my fears I'm so excited can't wait....,

 

[Not_a_freak_2008]

Hi Chosen One

I'm 27 and went through 6 years of university. I only found out about social anxiety disorder 2 days ago and finally so many things make sense!

I was always very shy at school... I hated putting my hand up at school to answer question, I have lied numerous times to get out speaking infront of the class. I remember a period in highschool where it was particularly tough, I would spend hours comtemplating how I would go about buying snacks from the supermarket. I had joined the school magazine committee because i wanted to be more social and it was going OK, until I had to make a phone call to another girl I had never met before. I spent 6 months avoiding making the phone call and lying about how I had tried to contact her. (Everyone was all very nice about it and never questioned me).

Alongside my shyness, i also knew/know inside was a very stubborn and motivate girl. When I was in my teens I started to notice how my extreme shyness was affecting my life and how I would let my fear rule my life. I made a decide effort to expose myself to difficult situations to see how I would cope. I'm not saying all of this to suggest that everyone else should do the same... its merely my observations/ assessment from hindsight of how i dealt with the situation.

So for me, going uni was a part of the exposure to difficult situation/ desensitizing one might say. I joined so many clubs in my first week at uni and never turned up to one of their meetings- because I would sit a home and worry about what to say to people, what if I was boring, how do i talk to someone I've never met, what if there's and awkward pause etc. I also forced myself to pretend to be a social person... I made myself talk to a lot of people in the first few weeks. The forcing/ pretending, took a lot of effort and after the first few weeks, when I ran out of steam and reverted back to my very shy self...it was really hard. Because now I would bash myself up about being a fraud, at the same time I would worry about how people would find out about me pretending to be something I am not. I would worry about that so much that, in my head, it just made more sense never to talk to that person again- and that's what I would do. I lost a lot friends that way...but I was also very lucky to have some really patient friends who stuck it out- they just accepted me for who I was.

I know most of the time my fears/ worries are irrational. But knowing they are irrational in some ways make it worse too- I would tell myself I'm a freak/ crazy and bash myself up over the irrationality of it all. Its a vicious cycle- you know what I mean?

Throughout my 6 yr course i made only two friends directly associated with my course. I did also florish on the other hand at a university sports club. I would begin by trying very hard to be socialable, and every time they responded so positively that in the end I didn't really have to pretend anymore. I became the president of the club, I would take the group meetings at the end of each training session- I had no problems there.

I spent the second last yr of uni really struggling with what to do next- career wise. When it all came down to job interviews- i was pertrified of them and made so many excuses to avoid them. I almost sabataged my own career- all my years of studying... the only reason I went through with interviews was to prove to my boyfriend I was wasn't a quitter( stubborness has its advantages sometimes).

Let me just fast forward to where I am now. I am now an engineer at a large renowned company. i supervise 30 people as part of my job. Most days I don't think too much about dealing with people- I have a work persona I switch on and i even have a different name at work- which helps with the switching. I've learnt my experiences at uni to through myself into situations and know that most of time, it never works out to be as bad as I think it will be. But over the past few weeks, I've been having flashes of my old shy self. My partner asked me if wanted to meet his new boss at lunch-i made excuses like - well I came in to see you, not your boss. I had a work collegue drop by my house the other morning, he knocked on the door and i hid in the back room, too afraid to open the door.

2 days ago, I came across a book called Painfully Shy...I read the first 50 pages in Borders and could not put it down. It describes the symptoms of social anxiety disorder and gave various stories...it was like for the first time in 20 years someone really understood me. It all just made sense. it rolled a lot my enemies up in one ball and gave it a name- I finally knew what I fighting. it was quantifiable, defined and most importantly.. I was not alone.

Today, at the end of a professional training session , I had to give a presentation. I hate presentations, up until now I still avoided them as much as I could. My hands started shaking, I felt my pulse quicken considerably. My partner who did not have to present was one of those- go getter confidant people. She jokingly said to me- "you chicken"- when I obviously did not try very hard to be the first person to present. For the first time ever and I mean ever, I leant over and I whispered..."I hate presentations...I'll do it... but I absolutely hate it". It was the first time I had ever been so honest to a stranger about something that I've tried to hid all my life. And you know what- it was liberating. She was understanding, my audience was understanding.. maybe they were always going to be understanding... but I'm allowing myself to see it for once. My presentation wasn't great content wise... but didn't turn bright red and I didn't shake.

I hope this helps a little.

 

[blueopal]

I've been at uni for five years now, and finally will be graduating in June. I found my first year of uni extremely difficult and became very depressed. One of the big ways my social anxiety disorder affects me is that I can't eat in front of people I'm not comfortable with (due to being teased in high school that I was anorexic when really I was just naturally very skinny and a fussy eater) - I haven't been out to dinner with friends since I was 16 (I'm now 23) - and during that first year of uni I'd get so panicky that people were judging me and how pathetic I was that I couldn't hold a conversation and I had no friends when everyone else had become friends so quickly that I stopped being able to eat without feeling sick. I didn't do very well with my results that year, but eventually (desentisation I suppose) I began to feel a bit more relaxed at uni.

These days I'm still quite nervous around my classmates but have some people I sit with and sometimes study with, although I feel like I know nothing about them and vice versa, and that they only let me hang around them out of pity.

I never got involved in any social clubs or anything, and haven't made any real friends at uni that I'll hang out with socially. I still see my friends from high school occasionally, but I feel that we're drifting apart and must admit that I'm jealous of the new friendships they've made, how they've moved on and I haven't.

not all girls are there to chase the popular guys, alot fo girls like brains and shy qualities too ...

Someone above mentioned that, and I for one would much rather a guy with brains and shy qualities... perhaps then maybe he'd understand what I was going through! Needless to say I've never had a boyfriend lol

 

[JS86]

I'm in my fifth and final year of university (for now ). To be honest I think I have wasted the best years of my life, based on a combination of social anxiety, lack of social skills, and now an inability to connect with people. To my advantage over the years I have improved to the point I don't consider myself to have social anxiety and have improved my social skills immensely, but I still suffer a somewhat lonely existence based on those lost years of not building up a social network.