Hi everyone!!
First post,brand new to any type of forums.So first off I want to say hi to everybody.I guess im here for answers.It wasnt until very recently that I found out there was a name for my personality.I always just assumed I was a little strange for not wanting to be involved in the same activities as so many others take on.That only having a couple friends left,that I dont call ever.Maybe just a bit too well grounded to get too excited about something that should make my heart race,but I came to find out there was indeed a name for all of this.Schizoid.
I cant pin point where it started.I was a wild child.Into everything,and always had a big smile on my face.Then one day,I found myself throwing a ball at the garage....alone.I would do it for hours every single day.I would go shoot hoops for hours a day,then go sit on the swings well into the night.I would go home,and lock myself in the room,and play guitar until I fell asleep.I had alot of friends,and a need to be challenged,yet suddenly "preferred" to be completely isolated.I wasnt even a teenager yet.
It wasnt until recently that I noticed,that ive been at my job for almost two years,and I dont talk to hardly anyone there.I mean I have always known im distant,but I never realized I get further and further away from people,the more im around them.
I have played guitar most of my life...the perfect hobby for someone who needs to be alone.Now a couple of the guys from work,who play instruments as well,keep bugging me to jam with them.This is something I love to do,and I cant do it.I cant say yes.I will make some excuse that things are so hectic right now,maybe when things calm down.
Its gotten pretty bad.
My friends dont call anymore.They know ive always been this way,but im sure decades of it will wear you down.It has to make them feel unwanted.I have learned that the schizoid personality,has to be the one who initializes a conversation,or for that matter an invitation.Otherwise its looked at as an invasion of privacy,and youll find ways out of it.
I actually wont get out of my car before work if someone else is getting out at the same time.When walking in the building,anyone I see up ahead makes me think of ways around them.I actually consider weaving this way or that way to avoid people.
The thing is,once someone starts a conversation...Im fine.I could talk for hours,but since I wont start one,and im seen as so distant and cold,it must take alot for someone to come up and start.
And other people who never talk?Forget about it.I couldnt even tell you their names.These people more than likely share the same problem,and we dont even notice each other.
I have managed to stay in a relationship for 4 years now with my fiancee.Unfortunately,I have never been married because of the obvious implications of loss of free space.Shes very cool,knowing I have a hard time with these things.So I am trying really hard to approach this.For her,for the guys at work,my friends and family,and for my own health.I mean,my mind works fine,but try getting a promotion when you cant even handle the thought of the interview.I have had a hundred jobs,because most environments are too constricting for me.Too many people to have to interact with.My job now allows me to basically goto work,and not have to talk to anyone.So it works out well.
OK well im kinda all over the place.Sorry for that,im very new to this and not entirely sure on how to approach it.I know theres meds and therapy for it.The idea of sitting in a room alone with a stranger talking about my most inner secrets,is probably the opposite of anything id ever do.Go figure.
I started taking budeprion, because its used to help stop smoking.Well I didnt stop,but take the meds because the anti depressants helped me get this far.One step closer.
I would love to hear from anyone with similar problems,who might have any advice on what a good plan is,or just to share your story as well.
Thanks for listening everyone.See ya around.
First post,brand new to any type of forums.So first off I want to say hi to everybody.I guess im here for answers.It wasnt until very recently that I found out there was a name for my personality.I always just assumed I was a little strange for not wanting to be involved in the same activities as so many others take on.That only having a couple friends left,that I dont call ever.Maybe just a bit too well grounded to get too excited about something that should make my heart race,but I came to find out there was indeed a name for all of this.Schizoid.
I cant pin point where it started.I was a wild child.Into everything,and always had a big smile on my face.Then one day,I found myself throwing a ball at the garage....alone.I would do it for hours every single day.I would go shoot hoops for hours a day,then go sit on the swings well into the night.I would go home,and lock myself in the room,and play guitar until I fell asleep.I had alot of friends,and a need to be challenged,yet suddenly "preferred" to be completely isolated.I wasnt even a teenager yet.
It wasnt until recently that I noticed,that ive been at my job for almost two years,and I dont talk to hardly anyone there.I mean I have always known im distant,but I never realized I get further and further away from people,the more im around them.
I have played guitar most of my life...the perfect hobby for someone who needs to be alone.Now a couple of the guys from work,who play instruments as well,keep bugging me to jam with them.This is something I love to do,and I cant do it.I cant say yes.I will make some excuse that things are so hectic right now,maybe when things calm down.
Its gotten pretty bad.
My friends dont call anymore.They know ive always been this way,but im sure decades of it will wear you down.It has to make them feel unwanted.I have learned that the schizoid personality,has to be the one who initializes a conversation,or for that matter an invitation.Otherwise its looked at as an invasion of privacy,and youll find ways out of it.
I actually wont get out of my car before work if someone else is getting out at the same time.When walking in the building,anyone I see up ahead makes me think of ways around them.I actually consider weaving this way or that way to avoid people.
The thing is,once someone starts a conversation...Im fine.I could talk for hours,but since I wont start one,and im seen as so distant and cold,it must take alot for someone to come up and start.
And other people who never talk?Forget about it.I couldnt even tell you their names.These people more than likely share the same problem,and we dont even notice each other.
I have managed to stay in a relationship for 4 years now with my fiancee.Unfortunately,I have never been married because of the obvious implications of loss of free space.Shes very cool,knowing I have a hard time with these things.So I am trying really hard to approach this.For her,for the guys at work,my friends and family,and for my own health.I mean,my mind works fine,but try getting a promotion when you cant even handle the thought of the interview.I have had a hundred jobs,because most environments are too constricting for me.Too many people to have to interact with.My job now allows me to basically goto work,and not have to talk to anyone.So it works out well.
OK well im kinda all over the place.Sorry for that,im very new to this and not entirely sure on how to approach it.I know theres meds and therapy for it.The idea of sitting in a room alone with a stranger talking about my most inner secrets,is probably the opposite of anything id ever do.Go figure.
I started taking budeprion, because its used to help stop smoking.Well I didnt stop,but take the meds because the anti depressants helped me get this far.One step closer.
I would love to hear from anyone with similar problems,who might have any advice on what a good plan is,or just to share your story as well.
Thanks for listening everyone.See ya around.
People at work must think im crazy too after taking it.I wont talk to anyone,but after taking one of them,and starting a conversation with me,and I spill out.Then it wears off and im stone faced the rest of the day.So yea,these meds made able to step out and see myself.So im gonna keep working on it.Maybe some of the harder schizophrenic meds would have a longer lasting effect,instead of just the anti depressant that seems to work in bursts.