anxious since birth

[LazyHermitCrab]

blah.... nothing

 

[planemo]

I know what you mean. A psych asked me few days ago if i had ever experienced anything traumatic especially as a child. I said no. Nothing has ever happened which would make me say "this is the reason I feel so anxious around people". Every nerve wrecking moment has come as a result of being nervous from the start. A real irony, that ones own anxiety brings about the very situations you dread and want to avoid.

Yes I really wanted to be alone and was scared of being around people, from birth as you say. I struggle with the running away response too. It's just so engrained in me to flee at any sign of "danger". I wish I had a solution. If anyone can help with this type of situation I know we would really appreciate it.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I know what you mean. A psych asked me few days ago if i had ever experienced anything traumatic especially as a child. I said no. Nothing has ever happened which would make me say "this is the reason I feel so anxious around people". Every nerve wrecking moment has come as a result of being nervous from the start. A real irony, that ones own anxiety brings about the very situations you dread and want to avoid.

Yes I really wanted to be alone and was scared of being around people, from birth as you say. I struggle with the running away response too. It's just so engrained in me to flee at any sign of "danger". I wish I had a solution. If anyone can help with this type of situation I know we would really appreciate it.

I told my parents this because they keep telling me how important networking is at college. They don't understand i can barely attend class because I just want to be invisible. I always feel like some disaster will happen and feel trapped. Did your psychologist help at all? ::

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Fear of people and social situations is not something people are born with. That seems a biological impossibility. Babies are only born with two fears; loud noises and falling. Social phobia is unconsciously learned, that is really the only option. There are memories from when you were young that you aren't aware of. It could be many things that your parents didn't do, including over-protecting/sheltering you, teaching you that others are to be worried about either directly or the way their personality is. It could be emotional deprivation from the mother, screaming and yelling taken in as a young child, etc. Endless possibilities really, but it's definitely learned.

 

[spring]

I know what you mean. A psych asked me few days ago if i had ever experienced anything traumatic especially as a child. I said no. Nothing has ever happened which would make me say "this is the reason I feel so anxious around people". Every nerve wrecking moment has come as a result of being nervous from the start. A real irony, that ones own anxiety brings about the very situations you dread and want to avoid.

Yes I really wanted to be alone and was scared of being around people, from birth as you say. I struggle with the running away response too. It's just so engrained in me to flee at any sign of "danger". I wish I had a solution. If anyone can help with this type of situation I know we would really appreciate it.

I do too.my favorite place is in my bed ,doors closed,under my blanket.

around people I feel like there is wall inside, that separates me form them,a wall of anger and repression,
because I don't want to be rejected like I was by my parents when I was a child
and I'm angry even when I'm by myself
then try to forget and go to sleep,but then keep having nightmares about worm eating by body from inside

 

[planemo]

I told my parents this because they keep telling me how important networking is at college. They don't understand i can barely attend class because I just want to be invisible. I always feel like some disaster will happen and feel trapped. Did your psychologist help at all? I don't want to spend a lot of money, but I want to try it a few times, even if it only helps a little. I know they wouldn't let me use the health insurance so i'm not even going to ask. I probably would be too scared to set up and meet for an appointment alone anyway ::

No, I just get to see one, once every 3 months or so, and spend about 10 minutes with them, that's all. Going for private therapy is too expensive, otherwise I suppose it would help on some level.

Fear of people and social situations is not something people are born with. That seems a biological impossibility. Babies are only born with two fears; loud noises and falling. Social phobia is unconsciously learned, that is really the only option. There are memories from when you were young that you aren't aware of. It could be many things that your parents didn't do, including over-protecting/sheltering you, teaching you that others are to be worried about either directly or the way their personality is. It could be emotional deprivation from the mother, screaming and yelling taken in as a young child, etc. Endless possibilities really, but it's definitely learned.

Yes I agree, but it feels like you're born with it since your subconscious experiences as a child are not remembered. Being genetically predisposed towards a mental illness can also be a reason, i suppose.

I do too.my favorite place is in my bed ,doors closed,under my blanket.

around people I feel like there is wall inside, that separates me form them,a wall of anger and repression,
because I don't want to be rejected like I was by my parents when I was a child
and I'm angry even when I'm by myself
then try to forget and go to sleep,but then keep having nightmares about worm eating by body from inside

I feel the same way, but instead of anger i feel terror. terror from being rejected and ridiculed. often bad dreams occur when emotional issues are unresolved. i know i go through them pretty much every night.

 

[bsammy]

its already been shown that certain babies are born with shy temperments.so YES people are actually born shy, it isnt impossible, read up on studies done on this..so people can be born timid and shy as bad as that may be.i know because i believe i was born this way.i remember first day of kindergarten i simply refused to go, cried until i stayed home until i was forced to go.years pass and the shyness went away for the most part BUT i still have very little desire to seek people out and talk to them.i simply dont even see the point anymore.

 

[Waybuloo]

its already been shown that certain babies are born with shy temperments.so YES people are actually born shy, it isnt impossible, read up on studies done on this..so people can be born timid and shy as bad as that may be.i know because i believe i was born this way.i remember first day of kindergarten i simply refused to go, cried until i stayed home until i was forced to go.years pass and the shyness went away for the most part BUT i still have very little desire to seek people out and talk to them.i simply dont even see the point anymore.

You may be born with a predisposition to be shy or to be introverted, or even to be neurotic. But you are NOT BORN SHY. Shyness is something that's developed over time and your natural tendency (if you have one) is allowed to grow in a hostile environment, one in which you are not emotionally nurtured and shown how to be confident. I know of a pair of identical twin sisters, one is very outgoing and the other is withdrawn and antisocial. This means that events happened during their respectives lives to make them diverge and develop into very different personalities. You might also like to know that people who have shy tendenies or are shy as children can grow into very confident and social adults, which I have witnessed around me. So, despite what you may have received genetically, NURTURE is the key.

I also saw a documentary on brain mapping psychopathic killers, who seem to share a commen pattern. There was a health worker who had an identical pattern in his brain scan but who didn't end up being a killer. His family members, including his mother, say that they can see certain aspects of his personality that make much more sense now that they discover his innate tendencies. His mother even said that by giving her son lots of love, affection and guidance, she felt that she steered her son away from what he was predisposed to become.

I used to believe that I might just be born anxious and depressed, but it doesn't make sense. I discovered that my mother's narcissism, her abandoning of me, my early childhood spend moving around living with different people, and being ridiculed by insensitive care workers all contributed to my misdevelopment. I believe that had I been looked after by consistent, empathetic and caring parents, I would've been ok. Being shy and/or introverted is OK, but being socially anxious to the extent that you can't live a life is NOT OK.

So my conclusions is that all parents should receive psycological assessments and basic education on emotional parenting, it seems to be where most tragedies occur.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

its already been shown that certain babies are born with shy temperments.so YES people are actually born shy, it isnt impossible, read up on studies done on this..so people can be born timid and shy as bad as that may be.i know because i believe i was born this way.i remember first day of kindergarten i simply refused to go, cried until i stayed home until i was forced to go.years pass and the shyness went away for the most part BUT i still have very little desire to seek people out and talk to them.i simply dont even see the point anymore.

I was like this too during the first day of kindergarden. Did you go to preschool? I didn't. I just remember taking pictures and i was trying to act happy when i was really sad for the first day. I ended up getting bullied by a second friend and then she asked why we werent friends anymore and i put soap in her hair for revenge, because she didn't realize she was bossing me around and would kick my back during storytime.

 

[bsammy]

waybuloo-thats nonsense, many serial killers came from loving homes and they still turned out to be, serial killers..just like many others come from very dysfunctional homes and become great citizens..the brain is far too complex to figure out..NO ONE can predict what makes a killer..even after 50 years plus of research on them, most experts will tell you they still cant predict killers..

as far as being born shy, a shy temperment means you are basically born shy..infants playing with other infants stay to themselves, shy away from interaction, are timid..this is without years of mothering or molding their behavior..again i think its impossible to predict what made us the way we are..my parents raised me and my bro and sis the same way and i turned out radically different.then again, i was always different from them, why?

 

[powerfulthoughts]

waybuloo-thats nonsense, many serial killers came from loving homes and they still turned out to be, serial killers..just like many others come from very dysfunctional homes and become great citizens..the brain is far too complex to figure out..NO ONE can predict what makes a killer..even after 50 years plus of research on them, most experts will tell you they still cant predict killers..

as far as being born shy, a shy temperment means you are basically born shy..infants playing with other infants stay to themselves, shy away from interaction, are timid..this is without years of mothering or molding their behavior..again i think its impossible to predict what made us the way we are..my parents raised me and my bro and sis the same way and i turned out radically different.then again, i was always different from them, why?

Shy is different than social phobia. If children are intentionally socialised by their parents in a loving way, TEACHING them that it's a GOOD thing to socialize and be around and interact with people, then social anxiety will not occur. It simply CANNOT. It is a matter of immersing a child into social activities and being around others, all the while showing them great LOVE and positive emotional reinforcement. Some will probably be more introverted, sure, but the crippling fear that you are not good enough, or being judged, or looking weird, these are learned through emotional and psychological activities that people aren't always aware of.

My mother is a narcissistic, emotionally manipulative, unempathetic person who neglected and abused me to make her own emotions relieved. Emotional neglect and abuse is often undetected, until you really start analyzing the details of being raised by someone who did not do their job. A loving, mature mother who deeply cares for and lovingly touches and coddles their children from birth is so necessary for a child to feel loved and to feel "normal."

You say "without years of mothering or molding their behavior." That's the POINT! Lack of loving emotional support, FROM BIRTH, is imperative to give the child a fulfilled emotional sense of well being. This all matters right from the very day the baby was born. It start from DAY ONE.