Anxiety causes me to go into a shell.

[Quietguy11]

Hey guys, tonight was a fairly productive night for me. Me and my brother in law went down to one of our friends place for a night of tea and anime, and although I was nervous about going, I knew it would be better than staying at home. So when I got there I was surprisingly a lot more talkative than would normally be the case. So I was pretty happy about that. The problem is, just after a good 15 minutes into the night, I started feeling as if my mind was putting up an invisible wall between myself and my friends. I found it ridiculously hard to think of stuff to say because my mind felt blank. I'm giving myself a pat on the back though, for me to talkative for even 15 minutes is a definite positive! Usually I can't say more than a few words the entire night I'm out with my friends. Part of it has to do with my mind feeling blank, but at the same time, it's as if I fear that my voice won't come out strong enough when I talk, and that I will sound awkward to the person listening to me. Like sometimes I will go to speak and I will trip over my tongue until I finally get the words out. Tonight was the best I've been in a social situation in a long time. It's just unfortunate that it couldn't last throughout the night. It's like I burn social fuel easier than my friends.

Any advice on how to keep conversations going would be very helpful. I think I need the confidence to speak up, and to not be so self-conscious.

 

[Srijita52]

Well done. You should definitely give yourself credit for going and engaging in conversations. I don't have any advice as I'm struggling with this myself but I think its something that can get better with enough practice. Don't beat yourself up if you can't seem to keep up with your friends. Learning any new skill takes time specially when there're some anxiety at the root of it. Plus we all have our bad days. As long as you take small steps and be somewhat consistent, you'll get there eventually.

 

[sahxox]

Well done. You should definitely give yourself credit for going and engaging in conversations. I don't have any advice as I'm struggling with this myself but I think its something that can get better with enough practice. Don't beat yourself up if you can't seem to keep up with your friends. Learning any new skill takes time specially when there're some anxiety at the root of it. Plus we all have our bad days. As long as you take small steps and be somewhat consistent, you'll get there eventually.

Seconded.
Well done for getting that far
I shut down a lot at work and have been working out it's from thinking about it.. i.e. focusing that I might sound awkward, I will feel awkward and kick myself for it. Or worse will be unwilling to talk at all.
A few times I've broken through, and although it is hard to do, especially on a consistent basis, this is what's happened; I have been myself completely. Told her that SP doesn't exist, depression is just a passing 'emotion' and reminded myself that deep down, I'm really an idiot and by finding humour in things I got out
And wow everything seems easy when I'm myself and not in this shell.
A good way to stay in the shell is by feeling anxious you're in there and emotionally punishing yourself for it, which I think is just a natural reaction that is intended to help us out but has the complete opposite effect.
It's therefore extremely irritating to break, but somehow cling to the positives, like your great performance in that 15 mins, and DON'T feel bad for 'running out of fuel' for the rest of the night. Remove the feelings of guilt. This is what's leaving me in there.
Good luck

 

[ryan2022]

Congrats bud, its a good night if thats your goal.

I didnt ever feel good about speaking until I really started to stick up for myself internally. If what I say isnt perceived as planned, or doesnt come across perfectly, thats ok. I can't always be perfect, and I can't expect others to be either.

Once I realized I judged myself far harder than I judge anyone else, and FAR harder than they judge me it made speaking much easier.

 

[Quietguy11]

Thanks guys, I am slowly getting more comfortable socializing when I'm out. It's just going to take a lot of time, and practice! I feel that I have a bit of shyness. Sometimes I have to really think it through before saying what I want to say because of the anxiety I feel. If my mind is clear then I usually have a good night even if I am not the life of the party. It's when there's too much on my mind that I have a hard time concentrating when out.