Anxiety attacks 24/7 - help me out

[CopenhagenCasual]

Ok, this is crazy. Please help me out, I can't take it any more.

I got this number from a girl and I will contact her Monday/Tuesday. We're probably gonna text each other, and if everything is good I will ask her out for a date. This is the first time I try this.

The problem is that because of this unknown situation I HAVE ANXIETY ATTACKS 24/7. I keep thinking about what to say, do, will happen and so on. I have social phobia by the way. The attacks are horrible, they led to a very bad night of sleep (woke up 5AM and couldn't fall asleep again!). As I am writing this I still feel like cr*p.

What can I do to get rid of the attacks? Hope you can help me. I have a bottle of vodka in my closet, but I don't want to use it.

 

[kihira]

Make a simple plan. What to say, what to do. Write it down. Leave it at that until its time. What will happen will not be known until it does, so don't waste time predicting and countering these predictions.

 

[Feathers]

It helps me to write a 'worst case scenario' - what can go wrong and then brainstorm what I could do then, or how to avoid it..
Then write a 'best case scenario' - and the truth is usually inbetween!

Also, journal and do CBT if you need to, or do EFT or TAT - or pray
Don't think about the girl too much - if it's meant to be, it'll happen, if not, someone better!

You are brave to try & to even get the girl's number - YAY!
So, whatever happens, you can report here.. and we will still cheer you on!!
& YAY for not using the vodka! You have a sense of humor and that is what girls like, so I'm quite sure you'll do well!! Or if not, it will be great learning experience and great practice for when you do meet someone fully compatible with you!

So just focus on getting to know her, to see if she's at all compatible with you.. Maybe her cousin or best friend will be the right one for you, or maybe she, or someone else, you'll see after you get to know her better..

Some girls are very attractive but may have flaws or different wishes in life, and that's okay.. So just take it easy and take time to get to know her.. It's important to have common values and goals/wishes in life, if you want something more lasting...

And of course RELAX and have some fun!!
(easier said than done, but if she's someone 'right' it'll be lots of fun too!!)

 

[panicsurvivor]

Whatever you do don't avoid it. I have found that when I am having panic attacks about an impending event, and I avoid it, I feel defeated and have more. After you go through with it you will feel on top of the world.

 

[goldenholds]

Sit with the phone in your hand for three months while you get up the nerve to call her. Oh yeah, that was me, it wasn't any fun and it didn't work so please don't do that.

I don't know if this helps, but I find that trying not to be anxious makes me even more anxious. What I try to do now is imagine the worst thing that is likely to happen, and then let myself feel whatever emotions it might cause. If her not liking me is the worst thing that could happen, and that makes me sad, then I will let myself feel sad. Just figuring out the worst case scenario doesn’t do it, you have to let yourself feel the resulting emotions. If I get too overwhelmed, I simply stop imagining it, then try again later. If I go through the process, let myself feel the emotions of fear or sadness or loss, and then learn to cope with and accept it, then when the actual time comes I have a better chance of coping.

For myself, I think that I experienced an overwhelming sense of sadness and loss when I was young, and could not deal with it then. So I learned to block out those emotions and avoid situations that might cause them. Now I have to remember to let myself feel those emotions, a little at a time when I feel strong, so I can learn to cope with them. It helps that I know I am not a kid anymore, and have a greater capacity to deal with those feelings now. The more I learn to cope with those bad emotions, and the more I let myself feel them, the less anxious I become. In some cases, the anxiousness is really your body and mind fighting and fleeing from the emotions. The old fight or flight response. Your brain learned somewhere along the way that it was better to just get scared and flee than to feel the overwhelmingly bad emotions. If you’re like me, it will make you afraid of happiness too, because I could not bear to have the happiness taken from me. And the only way to keep the happiness from being taken is to not have it in the first place, or at least hide it. Which is one reason I will hide liking a girl.

I also found that as soon as I dealt with one bad emotion or problem, another would pop right up and give me trouble. But that’s ok, I deal with them one by one as they appear. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling, so whenever I feel strong and comfortable doing so, instead of trying to block it out, I let myself fall. And then as I'm feeling the horror of it I turn myself into a dragon and fly away(well you didn't need to know that part ). And now I rarely feel like I'm falling, and am not as scared of heights. Not sure if this helps, but spelling it out has helped me, so here it is. I wish you luck and all the best.

 

[CopenhagenCasual]

Thanks for your help. I really can't appreciate it enough.

I have already written down what to say/write. I will try to imagine some worst/best case scenarios. I hope this will help me.

By the way what is CBT, EFT and TAT?

 

[CopenhagenCasual]

I have communicated with her through text messages for some days now. Wow, I hope I soon get the guts to ask her out. I don't know what's worst - the fact that I have anxiety attacks about this or that I don't know any cafe in this city

Unfortunately I still have my anxiety attacks. Last night I opened my vodka bottle for the first time in 2-3 years. I simply couldn't take it anymore, and it's so hard when I don't have any support from anybody. :/

 

[goldenholds]

^ Hang in there cc. Don't beat yourself up too much if things don't go exactly how you want. The main thing right now is that you are trying. Take it a bit at a time, and don't expect too much from yourself. You've accomplished alot in the last while just texting her. Thats deserves a celebration in itself. Whoot whoot!!!

And remember that there are ALOT of people on here that know exactly what you are going through, and will not judge you regardless of how things turn out. As for me, your already doing better than me, so you have my admiration. Best of luck.