Anxiety at work

[bird]

Does anyone else suffer with just going to work everyday?I want to share my typical day with you : Upon waking i snooze my mobile about 4-5 times evenctually i get up feeling a BIG dread feeling in my head,taking ages tryin to put my makeup on to perfection(not 1 day without it)i head for the wardrobe tryin desperatly to find something to wear that instils some confidence to get me through the door.Evenc leave house ....late again.Arrive at work met by constant jeers at my constant lateness i feel anxious and as if im disliked because of my crap punctuality...if only they knew.Walk up to the office & off goes the phone Shit..."who will it be","what if they start making conversation?","will they try and have some banter where my usual SOH will magically disappear?".One call down....many to go phew breather.I hear the boss coming up the stairs ...we exchange "morning's" & i go through the "he doesnt really want to say morning to me, bet he's wondering what i'm up to up here on my own scenirio,doorbell to reception goes downstairs.....great...arsehole customers... who could it be,hope its not someone i know,ok wasn't too bad came across quite confident after all i didn't know them....they can't judge me - yet!
Walk back towards the stairs see work collegue looking over -shit hope he's not going to talk to me/is he gonna make me nervous/look away.... ahhh shit ,he asks how my evening was ...." err hi same old shit really" .... he comments "oh yeah night in with your cat was it?" hahaha".... great he so knows im a loner,feel face going red then he says "so hows your lovelife?"eh lovelife?(hearts pounding/shaking/eyes feeling dilated/mind blank) hmmm err haha .. then i try and walk to the stairs and make an excuse "better go got someone on the phone" ....Lie Lie Lie i feel such a loser,feel completely embarrased, what does he think?weirdo?!!! God how am i gonna cope going back down later?he may talk to me again,god i'm such a fuckup ;-(.
back upstairs i feel a slight relief i've escaped!as if i've just gottn away from a crazed physcho!....oh that was me :-0.... (gotta laugh)
The day is continued by another 7 hours 43 minutes & 8 seconds... (not that im counting hey!) of tortourous calls,customers wanting to make friendly banter that i am incapable of even tryin in this crazy miserable mindcripplingnervous state. Some point during the day theres the teabreak in the office where eveyone chats about what they did last night,what they watched and i watch in awe at how confident they are laughing and being centrestage without a care as to who's listening,i meanwhile sit there laughing and then quickly turn away avoiding eye contact everyime theres a silence incase they turn to me for me to give my account of what i did..... As if!!! I did sweet feck all of course stayed in worrying about today and what i will encounter, tommorow,watched TV for a bit of escapism, had my dinner,showered-bed.... for god, sake dont look at me pleeasssee...

The day continues, i sit on my pc occasionaly looking over to my collegues to see if they are looking at me..."are they thinking i am not working?on the internet maybe,are they thinking i'm quiet i dont seem to say anything of interest...." i carry on anxiously typing away not actually thinking about what i'm typing...
Phone rings...... i pick it up answering in my most confident fake voice,customer asks a question about their vehicle,i can hear no one speaking around me in the office "are they listening to me?"shit i sound funny on the phone... sure everyones listening thinking im saying the wrong thing i hear a snigger after i finish a sentence "oh god" face goes red i cant breath i try and maintain my composure and end the call... "Ok thanks very much then bub-bye" i put the phone down followed by an earie silence again i am sure someone's gonna take the piss out of my conversation then... i turn to look though SHOCK no one is actually looking they seem pretty pre occupied with their own work...hmmm ok heart slowing down again, i can get through this...

Time for the loo... wow 5 minutes i can escape : quick down the stairs pass the workers,into the loo i sit in there thinking what people think of me,do i look ok today,who's gonna see me come out,bet they think i've just been skiving... bet they are talking about me!

This is continued throughout the day where at the end of it i really wonder what i do all day as my mind is full of negative thoughts of myself,my performance-but hey sod it i can go home now and RELAX!

What a bitch of a day...... same again tommorow

 

[dottie]

wow this takes me back to when i was working in an office environment. reminds me so much of me, i could've written it.

 

[starz]

Well I am off to work in an hour and know how you feel. When I worked in an office it was much worse especially answering the phone, I would get very stressed and lost a stone in weight ,now I work as a waitress and I find it harder to communicate with my fellow workers than the customers.

I get home (like I used to from school/college) absolutely exhausted. The strain of trying to be normal like everyone else is so hard, its like being an actor for the day I am never totally myself. At the moment I am working part time which is just enough for me but when I have finished my degree I am not looking forward to going back to fulltime.

 

[sabbath92002]

Hi Bird,

That sounds like me too. I started working in an office when I was 19. My first job wasn't so bad because I had my own office. My first boss told me I should try Toastmasters, but I thought I was okay being shy and quiet. Twenty years and probably about 20 jobs later I realized that he was right. My life and career were in a downward spiral until about two and a half years ago when I learned about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Now I'm able to share a cubicle with my boss and focus on my work without being paranoid and anxious.

Here's a link to some info on ACT:

http://www.actmindfully.com.au

Here's an article on introverts:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

Before I learned about ACT I was so bad I couldn't even work from home. I'm still quiet at work but I'm okay with that now.

 

[bird]

Cheers guys.... it is pants isn't it! I feel so alien compared to everyone else but on speaking to people ie: my few friends i haev left they sthink i am normal...? :lol: perhaps they don't see the real me acting like you say.They dont see me waiting indoors till my landlord goes away from doing the garden outside as i cant bear to make chitchat as he makes me nervous.. actually as i am writing this message i have heard my landlord out the front and so i am going to either stay in allday til i know he has gone which i wont until i go round the side gate and risk bring seen or i brave it and risk seeinghimand making a fool of myself as he starts talking to me and im sure he thinks im weird
great... i want to go to my mums as thisis the only place i can relax!

So this therapy...AC? i have just been having CBT and it hasnt been too great, i ran before i could walk and then frightened myself too much and now imworse... is it good?xx

 

[SilentStranger]

Yeah,

I can relate. Ok I don't put on makeup...I am a guy but I do relate to snoosing more often than I can remember and turning up late. Then of course I got to put up with people thinking I am lazy.

luckily I don't have to deal with customers, but I am required to be at meetings and of course make calls and answer calls. Increasing I find myself difficult to concentrate. I am falling behind on my work because I put off calling people and arranging/attending meetings.

I can't offer any real advice. All I can say is try and forget about work when you are at home or away from work. I know its not easy, I don't follow my own advice sometimes.

I just wish this was a little easier.

-SS

 

[bird]

Thanks silentstranger... i try and forget about work but find myself going over n over what happened.This week has been really hard and i have so needed time out but i can't as other people are off work too or going away ... havent hd a day off since June all my other holiday was taken as sick as i can't afford to pay my rent if i lose a days pay! So how old are you and how loing have you had SP

 

[SilentStranger]

Bird,

I too have the same problem of going over things that happened both at work and other situations. I too haven't had much time off this year either. Partly because my workload has increased. Thats not too good for my SP either. As I get more work, I get more stressed and it drives up my SP.

As for taking sickies... I haven't done that in a while. It because a bad habit and if I take one, I feel like I want to take more and more days off.

As for my age. I am in my twenties.. and SP, well I found it was SP about 10 years ago, but I have been very shy as long as I can remember. Its just that I started getting really worried and depressed in senior years of high school.

-SS

 

[alter_ego]

Bird (and others) my heart goes out to you, I remember when I used to be that bad. Okay, I'm not exactly comfortable now but I DO chat and a few people I find easier to talk to than others so I'm fairly relaxed with them. As for the rest, well, I've got acting down to a fine art and because I'm lucky enough not to blush nobody knows how I'm burning up inside when I'm talking with colleagues who tend to criticise others a lot or who are very confident. And I'm still paranoid enough sometimes to think someone's discussing me!

But there's a couple of things might make you feel better. One, do YOU spend all your working day thinking things like "Why don't John/Jessica/whoever talk" "Isn't John/Jessica/whoever stupid?" "Why don't John/jessica/whoever ever go out at weekends?"

No, thought not. So why think everyone's judging you? Most people are wrapped up in themselves.

Also, you won't believe this now, but it DOES get easier as you get older. Trust me, I never used to speak to a soul when I first left school.

 

[bird]

yes alterego it takes someone to challenge thought's like that and turn things around and yes i 'do' think thoughts about other members ofstaff ! I do think everyone to a degree has SA if not SP, i had been having CBT up until last couple of weeks and i had to fill out this survey asking on a rate of 0 to 5 5 being highly anxious and 0-5 on an avoidant behaviour score 5 being avoidant at all times and the highest score overall would be 144? Questions were ranging form taking goods back to a store,walking into a room knowing people are seated inside,meeting friends for a drink etc..... assuming i would get around 100 (not knowing how it was scored at this point) i was quickly surprised to be told i actually scored 77 and my phy therapist had gotten his collegues to do one and one scored 54 and the other 77!! It quickly put tihngs into perspective and i didnt feel such a freak afterall
Saying that i am not so good at the moment but im working on it..

I too silentstranger am in my 20's 29 to be precise and it has been 9 years too since i discovered i was struggling with everyday situations

If any of you would like me to mail a copy of this 'test' let me know it may help you feel a little better at least x

 

[Waybuloo]

I've been working in an office for a few months now and I remember when I started I got so depressed I used to come home very emotional and crying my eyes out. I'm no longer that emotional, but my sa's affecting my concentration when my boss talks to me and in meetings. I rarely say anything professionally let alone socially, so I feel useless most of the time.

I also am waking up at 5/6am with a start thinking of work/boss and dreading the responsibilities.

i know for a fact people are talking about me because just because my back's to them it doesn't mean i am deaf. In my first week, the guy sitting next to me said to his friend 'omg i managed to have a conversation with her for more than 5 seconds', and 'she seems to be having trouble having conversations', 'nervous girl' etc etc. I don't know why people have such a problem with people deemed quiet and shy. Maybe they feel offended that you don't seem to worship their jokes and wittiness with relish.

 

[Emma]

People at my work think I'm some sort of dumbass loser, no-one will even try to talk to me, and then if they do, its to say, oh you're so quiet, last week a new person started and she said something about me, and the other person says, oh yeah, she never says a word to anyone or talks, she's so quiet.
Then a few weeks ago they were talking about their kids, and one said, oh thank god he's not shy...that would just be the death of me!!!

I thought being super loud and in everyones face would be rude???
Is being shy worse?? And why is that?