Angry at your family?

[Meow]

I went to therapy for the first time ever yesterday and we came to the conclusion that part of my problem (SP,GAD,Depression) is chemicals in my brain but also things I am angry, hurt, upset etc about deep down, things that have never been dealt with. When she said this I realised it's true... I am mad at my family for not believing in me, for not helping me when I started getting sick, to make my life difficult even without being sick, being sick just made it that much worse.

We are on better terms now, only because I moved far far far away to be with someone else. I went without saying goodbye. Now they are making a lot of effort to be the parents they weren't when I was there. But I haven't dealt with how I feel about the way they treated me, every time I think about it I try NOT to think about it because it hurts too much and triggers a feeling I don't like.

So I guess I was wondering, is anyone else mad at their family, did anyones family let them down, do you think this is part of the reason you have problems today?

Of course every one has some kind of issues with their family, but I meant beyond that.

 

[enkjrypt]

my dad. im mad at him. he lies. i have to pick up the pieces/ cover the tracks. must live by his rules. can't stand up becos im an sp. thats brief.

 

[Snowcrash]

Yeah, I am in this club too. I think that my family has a lot to do with the way I am today. My mother was probably very SP, but I didn't know what that was back then. I'm not angry with her about that, my anger is more directed at my father and what a terrible job he did not being sensitive to her, and being so detached emotionally from all of us.

He could have done a lot for all of us, instead he felt mostly sorry for himself. Now it is too late for her. He makes me sad sometimes because he has had a long, healthy and fortunate life, and he has found no wisdom in it. He is literally an old fool who has no sense of priorities and what matters in life.

 

[Septor]

I use to be really mad at my family when I was younger because they played a part in who I am today but it doesn't bother me as much any more.Part of my numbness to certain feeling.

No use in dwelling over it.

 

[Toad]

As much as I hate to say this, I think observing my father has partially led me to where I am today. Most of the time he is a great guy, but sometimes he is a huge asshole to my mom...and that really bothers me. This is the main reason I am afraid to get in a relationship...I never want to hurt someone the way my dad hurts my mom. My dad also drinks a good amount which is the reason why I have decided I will never drink in my life...I see what it can do to a person, and I don't want that to happen to me.

One particularly bad time I had to physically force my mom to stay after she had a fight with my dad...I don't know where she was going or what she was planning, but whenever I asked her she didn't give me a straight answer...all I knew was that whatever she was planning or wherever she was going couldn't be good and I didn't want her to go from my sights. Anyways...I'm off topic now and don't want to think anymore on that.

 

[Danfalc]

Yep meow, i think im damaged cos of the way i was braught up.I was mentaly abused and constantly living in fear of both my parents... and apart from when they were giving me abuse ect.. i got neglected so i didnt get to learn how to have like stable relationships like most kids do and had all my confidence taken away from me aswell as being depressed at an early age.

Because of this i think im pretty bitter and hurt/angry by alot of thins.. and i think when you cant get past somthing it holds you back.I managed to confront my mum about how she treated me.. and she admitted everything and i realised things arnt always simple as you think and i understood why she did those things now and can understand and forgive her,unfortuantley my dad is still in denial but theres time yet and im just trying to move on and forgive him anyway.

Sometimes you cant get simple answers or what you want to hear and it isnt easy bringing hurtfulll things that we have hidden up to the surface again.Just wanted to let you know you aint alone ( i know that gets said alot but its true) and hope you can find some way to get over whats happend to you.

 

[Philip]

I'm mad at my Dad. He left when I was around age 6. He never has bought me a Christmas card, etc. I thought ok one day I'll make the first move so I went around to his house and he didn't invite me in or anything. Hes moved abroad now. Now I'm older I'm alot more angry. He best hope he never sees me again because I'm gonna beat him up.

 

[dzerklis]

yes my parents, they often made me feel guilty about little things, made mountains out of molehills, often talked to me like i was complete idiot, i could talk about how they affected me for hours but there really is no point in that.

 

[itchy]

I used to hate my dad...I understand him a lot more these days, he has his own struggles with depression, but growing up he never showed me any love...he'd just continously moan at me and pick on every little thing I did...totally emotionally detatched...I hated my brother aswell...He used to just humiliate me all the time, making fun of everything I did.....I'd imagine these things do have a large part to play with why I am the way I am today...but I'm not quite sure what to do with it though.

 

[Meow]

I guess family issues seem to be a big part of it. I knew things had happened and my family wasn't right but I didn't really want to BLAME my issues on that, I still don't but i'm sure it's a contributing factor.

This is an interesting subject, whether it's some kind of abuse to YOU, or from one parent to another, or just some kind of neglect it still seems to have the same outcome.

Danfalc thanks for being so sweet! I hope you can get past your feelings towards this issue also but yeah, it's easier said then done, my therapist made me realise there are some deep rooted issues that probably go way back, sometimes I'm not even aware of them and I think it's like that for a lot of people.

 

[Richey]

You know what though if you spend most of your life living with the same people your bound to feel detatched after a while particularly if your parents like to stamp their authority upon you in an unreasonable fashion and its not always like that...some families can survive based on friendships but once you lose that friendship then it can be difficult to get that back, so its natural that family contributes to our problems because they can be prejudice and no your weakness so you care more and take things more personally

 

[Snowcrash]

Funny thing I have learned about families though is that they all aren't like mine.

There are actually families out there where they mostly all sort of like each other and look forward to seeing one another and generally say nice things about each other. I mean sure, it might not be sunshine and roses ALL the time, but I am thinking of one large family in particular that I have gotten to know very well where they are all so darn positive and supportive of each other I have a hard time believing it sometimes.

When I was growing up I am not sure I knew that families like that existed.

Oh, and Toad, I totally understand where you are coming from. Being afraid to be in a relationship because you are afraid of repeating your father's mistakes. Just remember, you are not him. You would probably be wonderful in a relationship because you would be so good at trying not to make your father's mistakes.
I do this a lot I think. My dad loves his car and his grass and he makes fun of people. I make fun of my ugly grass and my run down car and save the love for people around me. (sorry, sounds cheesy, but you get the idea...)

 

[Septor]

Funny thing I have learned about families though is that they all aren't like mine.

There are actually families out there where they mostly all sort of like each other and look forward to seeing one another and generally say nice things about each other. I mean sure, it might not be sunshine and roses ALL the time, but I am thinking of one large family in particular that I have gotten to know very well where they are all so darn positive and supportive of each other I have a hard time believing it sometimes.

When I was growing up I am not sure I knew that families like that existed.

I hear you there.I was the same way.When I was young it seem to me family like that only existed on tv.It was hard to belive.

 

[savage_beagle]

HI, i posted something similiar to this subject about a few months ago.In that post, i mentioned the negative effects of certain family members. But the one who affected me the most, was and is, my father. I made the decision of not speaking to him or even acknowledging his prescence in the same room, about 13 years ago. As a matter of fact, just the thought of him, or him being mentioned, always triggers the same words in my mind. Selfish, prick and jerk. So i choose to ignore him in person, in my mind, in my life...just as he did to me. I feel better mentally because of it, and the only times he ever enters my mind....is when i am about to say or do something. I ''catch'' myself, pausing to think of a better way to say or go about doing something to another, remembering how he spoke to me in all his shitty, negative ways...and i do the opposite! For me, life is an ongoing self improvement affair. The past is dead, done with forever. Only time to refer to it, is when you need to think back and use it as a learning experience...where it can help you to better yourself and others, and move forward thru life. Believe me, in the past, you only relive past pain...and that causes depression, anger and sadness. That in turn, affects your self esteem, your self confidence, your self worth. When you finally start to realize that these were all a bunch of wasted thoughts, then you know that you need to replace the thoughts with good/great thoughts, until you have no room left for negativity. When you remove the criticizing voices from the past in your head, and accept that you are deserving of a better life, you then move away from the bad people and things and look for the goodness. It is there (as it always has been), but you need to open your eyes and more importantly, open your mind to all things GOOD. This is what i had to do, and still am doing it. Anyone here understand what this message is about? Those that do, you are on your way to a better way of living....i wish the best onto everyone. :wink:

 

[Steve_lambert]

i have the best family i could have ever wished for. they have done nothing but carry me on when i have fallen.....sorry i know that sounds dramatic. I dont think my brothers really understand the illness. The only way i could tell them how i felt was by saying: "imagine if some'one with arachnophobia had to spend all day with a room full of spiders. Well thats what i fill like when i go to work". That sounds really silly but its true. People can relate to arachnophobia because its well known but people just think im lazy and unwilling to work. Ignorance is bliss eh!

 

[boodizm]

My parents are truly great people and I hold them in the highest regard. They are unaware though that they are constantly hurting me with their words, however this is, of course directly due to my non-disclosure of my social phobia/anxiety over the past 11/12 years. Even though I am very secretive, part of the reason for me not telling them is a another matter where my trust was broken by my mother a while ago. Apart from this matter I can forgive them for anything they have said to me.
My sister on the other hand, I cannot forgive for the things she has said to me and the way she treated me, we only speak to each other these days due to her moving away from home and the only reason I see her once every few months is because me and her b/f get on really well.

Even though I love my parents and like being with them, I feel I need to move away and be on my own just to sort things out. I get no breathing space at home. If I can't make it on my own I don't see any reason to keep going.

But I don't know how I would cope if my parents were plain abusive about the matter. I really feel sorry for those who have this problem and have to do it without the support from their family.